One Day You're Gonna Wake-up and Realise That You Don't Have Anyone Either

Well, as I understand it, there’s a type of person who just can’t deal with a fight-or-die situation. 

They’re always drawn to what they’re afraid of.

Instead of resisting it, they want to please it, join it, try to be like it. 

I guess that happens in kidnap situations, you know, like a Patty Hearst/ Stockholm Syndrome–type, or, like in regular war, when people who are invaded sign up for the enemy’s army. 

Collaborators, sometimes even more die-hard than the people they’re trying to mimic, like those French fascists who were some of Hitler’s last troops. 

Maybe that’s why we call them quislings, like it’s a French word or something.

But you couldn’t do it in this war. You couldn’t just throw up your hands and say, 

“Hey, don’t kill me, I’m on your side.” 

There was no gray area in this fight, no in between. 

I guess some people just couldn’t accept that. It put them right over the edge. 

They started moving like zombies, sounding like them, even attacking and trying to eat other people. 

Dick

I miss my friend.

Gerald

Oh you got to be--

Are you joking?!

Dick

I don't know how things got derailed but, I-I'm sorry if I made you upset. 

I want to be buddies again.

Gerald

Buddies like when? 

When were we buddies?

Dick

Come on, let's just have a couple of beers and do some trolling.

Gerald

I don't have time for you! I'm sorry, dude, but I have a life. 

I have a wife, and kids, [raises his arms] and shit to do!

Dick

Why are you mad at me'?

Gerald

Because you won't go away and let me just have fun!

Dick

I refuse to believe that Skankhunt is that shallow.

Gerald

[turns to his side] 

Oh here we go!

Dick

When you Photoshopped penises in Kesha survivors' mouths, it's not just to make people laugh.

Gerald

[faces Dick] 

Yes it is!

Dick

If someone Photoshopped a dick in your wife's mouth, would you just think it was funny?

Gerald

You mean my [shows his phone to Dick with image of Sheila Photoshopped] fucking screensaver..??

Dick

It's True. You're just an asshole. 

I thought you were the ultimate rebel. 

I actually looked up to you and you're nothing but a super... dick.

Gerald

And what are [points at Dick] you, Dildo Shwaggins? Huh? 

You think you're a fucking political activist hauled up in your shitty little midget condo. 

You're nothing but a pissed off little giant, lashing out at everyone because you can't get laid!

Dick

At least I have a reason to be angry. 

What do you have, that it's funny? 

Hurting people is just worth the laughs?

Gerald

Stop trolling me.

Dick

One day you're gonna wake up and realise that you don't have anyone either.

Gerald

Stop fucking trolling me. 

[shuts the front door]