Friday 6 May 2016

The Voodou, Hoodoo, What-You-Don't-Dare-Do People


"If you look at cave art – the first art was done; the first writing that was done, basically as art. 

And if someone wanted to make something happen; like, if you were in the — like, if you were some fucked up caveman in a cave somewhere, worrying about your dinner. 

What do you do? You draw a bison on the wall; stick some spears in it. 

Go out, and the bison dies filled with spears."

Grant Morrison 



"Do you know much about voodoo? That's a fascinating practice. 

No real doctrine of faith to speak of - more an arrangement of superstitions; the most well-known of which is the voodoo doll.

You see, a mockup of an individual is subjected to various pokes and prods.

The desired result is that the individual will feel those effects."

Loki/Kevin Smith

"The Black Ark was too black and too dread. Even though I am black, I have to burn it down, to save me brain. It was too black. It want to eat me up!"

Lee Scratch Perry







" “This is part of human experience. It’s a part of human experience that has been described to us for thousands and thousands of years – but for the last two hundred has been hidden and made occult. For some reason that we don’t understand – but it seems to have something to do with the industrial revolution and corporate culture.”

So these things happen. Magic works. And I found out when I was doing the comic that you could actually make magic happen by writing things, and changing the operating system of the universe. It works, and I’m here to tell you to try it when you go home tonight. Because it fucking works.

And what happens if we all do it? If everyone in this room decides to take control of reality? I’m talking about reality; I’m talking about quantum physics; I’m talking about taking control of things from the quantum level up, from the molecular level up – and it works. This magic works.

So I’ll tell you something you can do, while I’m here. You know one of the best techniques, and one of the easiest techniques, to prove that this thing works is to practice sigil magic. The technique is simple: have a desire, tonight.

Go home and do this! Don’t listen to this shit! Don’t listen to my bullshit and think “yeah, we are the fucking counterculture!” DO IT! Do it – and we will change the world.

Because I did it. Coz I didn’t trust those guys. I didn’t trust Wilson and all those people who told me we could do this stuff. And I’m here to tell you: it works. And you can do it; we can all do it.

Bacon's New Atlantis, 
beyond the Pillars of Heracles


Number one: first thing you do is, you write down a desire. Make it something easy that’s likely to happen. Something possible, rather than say, y’know, “I’m going to be king of the moon” – which you may want to be, as we all do, but.. it’s kind of hard to be king of the moon. You’re gonna have to get a rocket and go up there.

Something easy. If you want to sigilise for a lottery win, make sure you buy a ticket or else it probably won’t work. So these are the conditions within the material universe that we live in.

What we’re really dealing with here is, as I say, some kind of operating system that can be hacked, using words. Words seem to be the binding agent of this.. thing. Whatever it is.

So I wrote this comic book – and as I wrote it, it became true. 

Things I would make the characters do became true.

The main character was.. I gave him a bald head and a leather jacket, because I thought people would like me when I they read the comic. Bald heads were really uncool back in 1992.

The Shakes-Spear Tulpa 
(w. skullet)

Avatar of the High Priest and Devotee of Pallas-Athena,
The Spear-Shaker

The Golem of Avon


And it worked. I found that if I put the character through a situation where he’d been tortured; where his lungs had bust and he was being held in captivity; subjected to all these awful things. Two months later: I’m in hospital, two bust lungs, dying of blood poisoning; facing exactly the same shamanic trial that I put my character through.

So once I figured out that, I thought: the best thing to do is to give this guy an easy time in the future.

King Mob/Gideon Stargrave/Grant Morrison


So as a result of all this, I’d just split up with my girlfriend. And I was like: “okay, I want a new one and I want her to look exactly like this chick in the comic, coz she’s cool.” 

So I did a sigil; a month later, the girl turns up. 

Then another one. Then another one. Then another one; then another one. 

All aspects of this character. And then [I was like]: “Oh fuck, this is insane. Because it works and I’ve done something ridiculous. Because now I’m dealing with all these women who look like the character, but who I don’t get on with, or I can’t talk to, or I can’t deal with.

And I began to realise a little bit about how this stuff works.

So beyond that, I decided: I won’t just use it to get laid, because it seems a pretty low-grade kind of way of dealing with magic. But man, it works! Believe me.

So I thought: how much could you effect reality by writing a comic that mimics reality, but pushed it in weird directions? So round about 1997, I decided that I would really seriously turn this thing into a super-sigil.



And it was based on the idea that: if you look at cave art – the first art was done; the first writing that was done, basically as art. And if someone wanted to make something happen; like, if you were in the — like, if you were some fucked up caveman in a cave somewhere, worrying about your dinner. What do you do? You draw a bison on the wall; stick some spears in it. Go out, and the bison dies filled with spears.

“Hey, man! We can make this happen!”

Slowly, those things become words; they become abstractions – complexes of meaning. And you can take that basic idea, and – as we’ve seen – people like Austin Osmond Spare, the magician from the early part of the century, or Crowley, or the chaos magicians of the eighties who were a big influence on me – they used this stuff. 

And like I say, what you can do is this: go home, write down a desire; it’s quite simple, what you can say is: “It is my desire that my cat wins the Olympics.” 

Take out all the vowels..

- Write this down, for fuck’s sake! Don’t just listen; do it! Right? -

Take out the vowels, and you’ll be left with a string of consonants. 

Take out all the repeated consonants, and you’ll be left with a string of consonants with no repeats in it. 


X, Y, A, D, whatever. 

Turn that thing into a little image. 
Take the D, draw a big D. 
Then you’ve got a T; draw a big T on it.

Keep reducing it down until it looks magical.

And there are no rules for this thing. 

Do it until it looks magical.



At that point you now have a sigil. 
The sigil will work. 
You can project desire into reality, and change reality. 

It works!

Those must be the people who’ve done it.

So please, I mean, write this down, go home and do it. Check; verify the results.

Because – I was reading this thing in New Scientist this week and it said: the difference between bad science and good science is.. 

Scientific procedure has three criteria. And the criteria are: 

that you can verify results; you can talk to other people who’ve done the thing and make sure that, you know, it works out. 

You can duplicate results. 

And also.. 
some other thing; I’ve forgotten. 

But yeah, two things is pretty good, innit? 

Two outta.. yeah.

This is verifiable. People have been telling us about this for thousands of years. The Tibetans have been telling us about this. The Mesopotamians have been telling us about this. And why has it been made ‘occult’?

Because: Coca-Cola have got the secret.

What you do is you create a sigil.

Coca-Cola is a sigil. The McDonalds “M” is a sigil.

These people are basically turning the world into themselves, using sigils.

And if we don’t reverse that process, and turn the world into us using sigils, we’re going to be living in fucking McDonalds.

But McDonalds have no more power than us, apart from the fact – like what Doug [Rushkoff] said earlier – they’ve got some money.

Fuck it; who cares?

At the top levels of this stuff, no one’s using money anyway.

You think Rupert Murdoch, or the Queen, or Bill Clinton, or any of these fuckers use money? Of course they don’t.

They’ve realised that money is only useful to sell to the middle classes – the people in the middle who make things happen; who make things run.

We’ve been sold a fiction. 
There’s no such thing as money. 
Ignore it. 
At the higher levels..

No.. YEAH! HEY!

There is no money. 
These fuckers don’t use money. 
If Rupert Murdoch wants a Rolls Royce, they give him one. 
Because he’s Rupert Murdoch. 
And if they see him in a Rolls Royce, it means they get some status out of it.

So you’ve gotta understand, these people on the higher levels are operating on a hierarchy of exchange and barter.

On the lower levels – where I lived in Glasgow, which is one of the poorest cities in Europe – people are operating on a hierarchy of exchange that’s quite different: they steal shit, and then they sell it back, and they have their own little money.. and they have this complete black market economy.

There’s only us in the middle who think money’s worth anything – and we chase it until we drop.

So forget it.

Where was I?

(And the other thing is: I hate talking at people, so if anyone wants to join in just put your hand up. Coz I fucking hate just talking at people.)

So… having figured these weird things out, having thought about this and having been through this experience, which was exactly the experience I’d been promised by Wilson, McKenna, Philip K. Dick – everyone, they promised this thing, and it works. You can get the experience. 

Do what they told you to do, and it will happen – I promise you. 
You will meet the aliens; they will talk to you. 

The Golden Dawn called this “Knowledge & Conversation Of The Holy Guardian Angel”.

So it’s been around for a while; it’s accessible to everyone. 
Magick is accessible to everyone. 
The means of altering reality are accessible to everyone.

And when everyone starts doing it, we’re going to start to get to see desire manifest on a gigantic scale. Everyone’s desire. 

What happens when *everyone’s* desire becomes manifest?

Does the universe have to split up into a billion to accommodate it? Do we all have to suddenly understand that we’re all in the same place, and that we can all share in each others’ desires?

I don’t know. 
I’m just here to talk about this stuff.





LEE PERRY and the BLACK ARK STUDIO 

In 1973 Lee Perry was having a nap in the backyard of his family home in Kingston and
had a strange dream, hearing the strangest sounds and music never heard before. After
awakening he reflected on the dream, took it as a singn from the Almighty and decided
to build his own studio on this very spot. After completion in 1974 it was named 'THE
BLACK ARK' and one of the biggest mysticisms of Reggae music - and music in general -
should have it's origin there.

The studio was equipped with comparatively simple equipment through all it's time: a
four-track 1/4-inch TEAC reel-to-reel, 16-track Soundcraft board, Mutron phaser, a
Grantham spring reverb and a Roland Space Echo. But with these means only, completely
independent ways of production and lots of time to experiment Lee Perry created the
100% unique sound and style that will identify him forever. 

He shot pistols, broke glass, ran tapes backwards, and used samples of crying babies, falling rain, animal sounds and TV-show audience to create music and cleaned the tapeheads with his T-Shirt and blew Ganja smoke into running tapes to alter the sound. 

With records like 'DUB REVOLUTION' or 'BLACKBOARD JUNGLE DUB' the dirty and magical quality of the BLACK ARK sound was formed, never to be re-created.

In these surroundings only Lee Perry's production skills reached a new level, he
played the mixing desk like an instrument (roll over the pic above!), modulated
everything with phaser and delays and made the 4-track-machine sounding like a 20-
track:

"It was only four tracks on the machine," Perry explains, "but I was picking up twenty from the extra terrestrial squad. (...) I see the studio must be like a living thing, a life itself. The machine must be live and intelligent. Then I put my mind into the machine and the machine perform reality. Invisible thought waves - you put them into the machine by sending them through the controls and the knobs or you jack it into the jack panel. The jack panel is the brain itself, so you got to patch up the brain and make the brain a living man, that the brain can take what you sending into it and live." 

The aura of the BLACK ARK studio attracted many musicians, newcomers and veterans
alike, and countless timeless classics were created there. The 'OPEN THE GATE'-Box on
Trojan is an extraordinary document for the productions of that time and one of the
best Reggae records ever put to vinyl. Check out tracks like 'WORDS', Leroy Sibbles'
'GARDEN OF LIFE' or the milestone 'CONGOMAN' by the Congos (recently re-edited by
Carl Craig). Each song - great in themselves already - comes along with a dub version
that all have a deepness in them with no words to describe it. An absolutely
essential release!

Additionally to his achievements of stretching Dub over it's breaking point and
defining a new musical dimension of its own, Lee Perry was also a gifted riddim-
master and song- writer. Loads of classic riddims were created by him in this
era and - like 'POLICE AND THIEVES', 'SOULFIRE' or 'I CHASE THE DEVIL' - even reached
Top Ten status in England. And that is the big difference between him and King Tubby:
while Tubby RE-CREATED (in this time) Lee Perry CREATED. The music done by him in the
BLACK ARK studio present the pinnacle of Jamaican creativity, Reggae at its highest
heights and greatest power. 

But constant production and constant use of weed and booze took its physical and
mental toll in the late 70ies. Additionally the overall political situation in
Jamaica became almost civil-war-like, the streets being dangerous, looters hanging
around the studio and local gangsters pushing Scratch for protection money. Unable to
take that strain his wife and children left him and Perry started to walk the slim
line between reality and fantasy, reason and madness. Visitors and journalists
arrived at the Black Ark to find Perry worshipping bananas, eating money or spouting
long and violent diatribes. So in this time the BLACK ARK as a 'living brain', as he
described it before, ceased to function.

Perry spent much of his time vandalizing the Black Ark then, covering the once
colourful decor in bizarre and profane grafitty and splotches of black paint. Reels
of master tapes lay strewn on the floor, and the recording equipment was next to
useless due to water damage from a leaky roof. The once proud studio was now little
more than a junkyard. 

Then in 1979 Lee Perry burnt the studio down and left Jamaica for good. The whole
story of it is not clear until now, it's one more legend surrounding the mythos
Perry, but as a reason for this final step - and point of no return - he said: 

"The Black Ark was too black and too dread. Even though I am black, I have to burn it
down, to save my brain. It was too black. It want to eat me up!"

He spent some time in New York and England in the 80ies and finally married a Swiss
bussiness woman, who became his manager afterwards. The releases he turned out after
the death of the BLACK ARK never reached that quality again. He now lives in Zurich /
Switzerland. 

RECORDS:

Additional to the records mentioned before check out 'SUPER APE', an unforgettable
dub session with the Upsetters, 'JAH LION', 'HEART OF THE CONGOS' by the CONGOS,
'ITAL CORNER' with Prince Jazzbo or 'KUNG FU MEETS THE DRAGON'. All highly
recommended!


Thursday 5 May 2016

Cyril Wecht - Hired Liar


You could not make this shit up (only, they have, and they did) - Cyril Wecht, as I live and breathe!


"Dr. Wecht is the go-to expert to almost every news organisation in the world."

Yes, because he is a Liar for Hire, that will say anything!


Of course you can, but Prince is alive, and the coroner doesn't even claim to have the toxicology results yet.

They say the released the body to the family, who immediately cremated it, before making a finding of death by misadventure or natural causes and ruling out murder - which is illegal.

So that didn't happen.

If a murder is committed, especially when the victim is rich and there is money or inheritance involved, 70% of murder victims were killed by a member of their family.

And you haven't investigated that possibility yet - so you are just going to GIVE them exhibit A, containing ALL of the evidence of foul play and allow them to destroy it..? 

This is farcical.

That didn't happen.

Wecht says (because he is being paid to say it) "the autopsy is now complete" - on a cremated corpse, that's quite a feat.

More likely, he went home to his gated community of Jehovahs Witnesses (where he currently lives) and just closes the gate.

If he claims there were ONLY two, of course - the most controlled, reductionist of Controlled Opposition.


Like that guy that was Chief Counsel to the HSCA, kept pushing the whole "The Mafia did it angle" - he would cut people off at the knees speaking to him saying "You're Conspiracy is getting too large, it has to be half a dozen people or less, otherwise it's not plausible."

Michael Jackson is in Bahrain living with his kids, we know this.

And both of them, like Elvis, left clues.

Elvis was living next door to Muhammad Ali in Michigan for many years, but they made him lay low for 12 months '77-'78 and kept him on The Island.

I have joked about this in the past, but it turns out there actually IS and Island that they use!


Which remind me - did you see Snowden is now claiming Bin Laden is alive and well and living in the Bahamas..?

That probably IS where they would send people if there really was a "The Island", just outside of US jurisdiction, but close enough to call on easily and in the same time-zone.... Just a short hop over to Key West, or any of the other banking islands.


Wecht is allowed to debate with Bugliosi in a discussion posted and hosted on David Von Pein's YouTube Channel - that's what should PROVE to you he's absolutely bought and rotten...


Oh look - They have set up an entire blog ONLY dedicated to this one Bug vs. Wecht Straw Man Dog & Pony Show...

SCRATCH THAT - Correction :

The island is in Hawaii.

https://youtu.be/8Td1GVVJM0Q



"The Medication U Were Given Has Put U in Suspended Animation"




ART OFFICIAL AGE

ARTIFICAL CAGE


"Mr. Nelson...?
Mr. Nelson, can u hear my voice...?


"We just want to let U know, the medication U Were Given Has Put U in Suspended Animation 4 quite some time...

Well, in fact : about FOURTY-FIVE YEARS...."


"I did try, once, to play guitar, with flat shoes on - and it was like Samson without his hair..."

Prince does not count birthdays - but he was legally 57 when he died.

He was therefore 56 when he wrote, and released these words.

He told Mel C that he had entered the music industry (and presumably put on Cuban heels) at the age of 12.or 1970 to put a (worldly) days on it.

56 - 45 = 11.

45 years before September 2014 was 1969, almost 1970.

Prince has been creating art (and consequently in pain, due to the heels) since 1970, for over 45 years now.


Latoya Jackson insists that it is absolutely impossible to inject yourself with a syringe and self-administer the knock-out dose of propofol Dr. Conrad Murray was convicted of administering to Michael Jackson, which is generally given by an anaesthesiologist as the first shot to induce deep (but extremely brief hypnotic-unconsciousness : 



She says (speaking for Michael and his family) :

"That's absolutely not true, because that is physically impossible, my brother was murdered (on the order of Others, who I will not name) and this is a Conspiracy."


Grrr! I'm going to get to the bottom of this!!"

 **shakes fist**

And then nothing came of it, because that's only a story.

And it is clearly, demonstrably not true.
It's perfectly physically possible, and here is a video of a guy doing it.

But Latoya want to tell you, because Michael wants you to know

"That's physically impossible and so therefore, this is a Conspiracy."

Which it actually is, really, when you think about it, only not in the way she  means - its a JW Conspiracy of How To Disappear Completely and Never Be Found.

So, what does this mean :



O(+>-ology :
The Main Schools of Lyrical Analysis

The Fundamentalist Literalist : 
It means : "We just want to let U know, the medication U Were Given Has Put U in Suspended Animation 4 quite some time...

Well, in fact : about FOURTY-FIVE YEARS...."

The Anglican-Episcopalian : 
It does NOT MEAN "We just want to let U know, the medication U Were Given Has Put U in Suspended Animation 4 quite some time...

Well, in fact : about FOURTY-FIVE YEARS...."

It actually means something different, but not that.

The Preist : 
"My son, in our faith, we not only have the lyrics, we have our dogma, by the grace of God, we have the commentaries and dissertations written by all of the wise and venerable Saints, Martyrs, Blessed and ordinary clergy to aid in our understand of Prince's true meaning with this lyric - I would suggest that you consult the following essay to gain a more complete and detailed understanding of the true meaning of this particular  lyric.... " 

The Talmudic Scholar : 
"Eh, it may mean this, but it could also mean that, or possibly both of those things at once. 
Possibly something else entirely. 
If it still does seem to make sense, that just means that somebody screwed up somewhere, in which case I wouldn't bother worrying about it too much."

The Freudian : 
"It is about sex. 

It is always about sex. 

This lyric is about how Prince wanted to have sex with his mother and kill his father, but was afraid of him and beat him and so became repressed, but perfectly sublimated his unconscious fantasy desire to have sex with his mother into writing the lyrics. To Sister.

I think you could probably benefit from a lot more of these sessions, say perhaps on a twice-weekly basis, that way I think there's an opportunity for you to really focus on working through these issues systematically, we are on the verge, I think, of making significant breakthrough, provided we work hard on these points and you can stay focused and committed to the process of moving forward. You've been doing really well these last few sessions, I feel.

You can pay as you leave - my receptionist will take care of that for you, and she has access to my appointment diary, she will be happy to help you schedule another two dozen sessions, or as many as we decide to go with for now.

We can take cash, Visa or American Express. See you next Tuesday."

The Jungian : 
"You know what it really means. 
So do I. 
So does everyone. 
You just don't necessarily know that you know it, and most people have forgotten how to access and reconnect with the source of that knowledge.

The Post-Modern :
This text means absolutely nothing other than what we tell ourself it does, according to social norms, and if it does mean anything to you (or you imagine to think it does), then that means is what Prince could not possibly have actually meant (because The Author (like God) is Dead, so how could he possibly have meant anything when writing the text?

The Nihilist :

"It means absolutely nuzzink, Libowski.

And zen, ve cutt off your Johnson."

"A CNN crew visits the Kingdom Hall of Prince the Sunday after he 'passed away'."



"We expect Brother Nelson to be resurrected here on Earth, just like the Bible says, when Jehovah cleanses this Earth of all it's evil,there'll be a resurrection and we will welcome him back - and he'll be right [here] like flesh and blood, like you and me are talking here right now.

It's a deep, deep belief that we have."

O(+>-ology : The Main Schools of Lyrical Analysis



The Fundamentalist Literalist : 
"He means what it say. 
Who am I to question it? 
God works through Prince in mysterious ways."

The Anglican-Episcopalian : 
"Yes, Prince says that, but what he actually means is this... : "

The Preist : 
"My son, in our faith, we not only have the lyrics, we have our dogma, by the grace of God, we have the commentaries and dissertations written by all of the wise and venerable Saints, Martyrs, Blessed and ordinary clergy to aid in our understand of Prince's true meaning with this lyric - I would suggest that you consult the following essay to gain a more complete and detailed understanding of the true meaning of this particular  lyric.... " 

The Talmudic Scholar : 
"Eh, it may mean this, but it could also mean that, or possibly both of those things at once. 
Possibly something else entirely. 
If it still does seem to make sense, that just means that somebody screwed up somewhere, in which case I wouldn't bother worrying about it too much."

The Freudian : 
"It is about sex. 

It is always about sex. 

This lyric is about how Prince wanted to have sex with his mother and kill his father, but was afraid of him and beat him and so became repressed, but perfectly sublimated his unconscious fantasy desire to have sex with his mother into writing the lyrics. To Sister.

I think you could probably benefit from a lot more of these sessions, say perhaps on a twice-weekly basis, that way I think there's an opportunity for you to really focus on working through these issues systematically, we are on the verge, I think, of making significant breakthrough, provided we work hard on these points and you can stay focused and committed to the process of moving forward. You've been doing really well these last few sessions, I feel.

You can pay as you leave - my receptionist will take care of that for you, and she has access to my appointment diary, she will be happy to help you schedule another two dozen sessions, or as many as we decide to go with for now.

We can take cash, Visa or American Express. See you next Tuesday."

The Jungian : 
"You know what it really means. 
So do I. 
So does everyone. 
You just don't necessarily know that you know it, and most people have forgotten how to access and reconnect with the source of that knowledge.

The Post-Modern :
This text means absolutely nothing other than what we tell ourself it does, according to social norms, and if it does mean anything to you (or you imagine to think it does), then that means is what Prince could not possibly have actually meant (because The Author (like God) is Dead, so how could he possibly have meant anything when writing the text?

The Nihilist :

"It means absolutely nuzzink, Libowski.

And zen, ve cutt off your Johnson."

A Big Disease With a Little Name




Those people who always tell me they think I'm paranoid, distrusting and borderline psychotically delusional should understand something : 

You cannot know what it means to grow up being taught by your Government that rain is poison, sex is death and the sun would cause you to die of cancer.

This "health advice" was mailed to EVERY HOUSEHOLD in Britain by the Thatcher Government in 1987.

I was made afraid of sex before I even knew what it was, because I had been told by the State that making love was fatal, and the main way of catching The Worst Disease in The World.

My first knowledge the meaning of sex was a tombstone.





And the only person after I had learned and accepted all of that who tried to tell me the Truth, even though I would not hear him or learn of it for many years later, was Prince.

So in a very real sense, Prince saved my life - or saved a part of it I never otherwise would have known, or experience the joy of.

Even my James Bond only ever had one girlfriend.



Sorry, 007, you can chose either, whichever one you want - just not BOTH...
So this may appear that by 1989, there was a slight improvement over the situation (under conditions of Plague Panic) from 1987, but the element of competition and sexual winner-takes-all actually makes the situation far WORSE than that....

Because the back and forth contest for Dalton-Bond's affections results in the continual deferral of a decision being made as to his commitment (I'll say that again, "COMMITMENT") to a single lover with whom to enjoy Safe Sax with until AFTER the resolution of the plot - meaning that he doesn't actually get laid (onscreen) AT ALL until after the end of the film, turning the World's Greatest (onscreen) lover into an (onscreen) eunuch.





In fact, since Miriam D'Abo (Cello Girl) is such a "nice" girl, enjoying romantic dates in the Vienna funfair, Dalton-Bond doesn't actually get laid in The Living Daylights either, so Dalton-Bond never gets laid (onscreen) AT ALL...

No wonder they cancelled the Franchise for 6 years.

The result being, that there is an entire generation (my one) for whom the object of ego-identification in Bond movies was Q.



Because if you believed in, were awed by and sought to emulate the geriatric seductions of Roger Moore and his mink-lined Union Jack iceberg mini-sub, or Grace Jones and were titlated by the black-light neon paint day-glo Duran Duran tits, there really was (and is) something wrong with you sexually.

This was 1985.

Cocaine is a Hell of a Drug.





Del 
 I'm scared, Rodney! 

 Rodney 
 Oh come on, Del. You're in hospital. 

 Del That's why I'm scared! 

 Rodney 
 I mean, can you think of a better place to be? 

 Del 
 Yes, down the market, in the pub, anywhere but here. I think I might know what's wrong with me. A short pause. 

 Rodney 
 What?

Del 
I think I might have... you know. 

 Rodney 
 You mean? 

 Del 
 No. 

 Rodney What! Not... 

 Del 
 Yes. 

 Rodney 
 Don't be silly. What makes you think that? 

 Del 
 Because the doctors found out I was a bachelor and they started asking questions about my social activities. 

 Rodney Bloody 'ell. 

 Del 
 It's alright. I didn't tell 'em nothing. I made out I was like an amateur monk. But I've been lying here thinking about my past. 

 Rodney What's the point in depressing yourself? 

 Del 
 I've bin thinking back to some of the birds I've knocked about with. Cor blimey, Rodney, some of 'em have bin round the track more times than a lurcher. 

 Rodney 
 Del, you're just being irrational. 

 Del 
 What about that unisex hair- dresser's. down the high street? 

 Rodney 
 Well, what about it? 

 Del 
 Well, I went in there last month for a trim, didn't I? And I thought I was going to get one of the dolly birds in the miniskirts, you know, and all that, but who did I get? They gave me some mush called Jason. 

 Rodney 
 So? 

 Del 
 So, say he was a bandit. 

 Rodney 
 I don't believe... Del, you cannot go around making accusations against innocent people. Anyway, you can't catch it off a comb. 

 Del 
 No, but say he nicked my neck with his razor or something. 

 Rodney 
 So long as he doesn't kiss it better, you're laughing, ain't you? 

Del 
 Then there's Uncle Albert - blimey, he's been round the world more times than Phileas Fogg. There's no telling what he might have picked up. And there's you and that computer. Rodney My computer? 

Del 
 Yes. I was reading about all those computer viruses. 

 Rodney 
 Look, calm down, right? Look, I understand your concerns and fears. But you're just letting your imagination run away with you. If you'd had 'that' or anything as serious as that, they would have known by now. They're experts you know. 

 Del 
 Yeah, yeah. I didn't think of that, bruv. It can't be that serious, can it? 

 Rodney 
 Well, of course not. So you just remember that next time you're lying here at night, thinking of all them women and male hairdressers you've known... 

 Del 
 They've got a spare bed downstairs if you're interested. 

 Rodney I'll see you. 

 They share a smile. Rodney stands to leave. Del leans back in bed. We now hear Del moan as if in great pain. Rodney rushes back to him. 

 Rodney 
 Del, hold on. I'll get the nurse. Nurse! Hold on, Del, don't you die. Don't you bloody die. 

 Del 
 I'm not gonna die, you plonker. I've just sat on me bacon sandwich. 

The Evil of Two Lessers


That's a fantastic title, first off.

The thing is - if you make a conscious choice between what you tell yourself and rationalise as being the lesser of two evils : guess what? 

You're still choosing EVIL.