Musgrave

JOHN MUSGRAVE : MARINES 

Let's just say that being a Marine combat veteran on a college campus in 1969 and 1970 -- it wasn't a real good thing to be if you wanted 

to get dates and be popular.

When I came Home, it seemed like

I didn't have anything to 

Give to anybody else.

NARRATOR : 

Marine Corporal John Musgrave 

had very nearly died in combat 

below the DMZ in 

the autumn of 1967. 

Wounded in the jaw and shoulder, 

his ribs shattered, 

lung pierced, nerves cut,

he had spent 17 months 

in Navy hospitals.

He was now studying at 

Baker University in 

Baldwin City, Kansas.

But wherever he went, 

The War was never far away.

MUSGRAVE : 

And the peace movement, 

for a while, got REAL nasty, 

calling veterans baby killers.

It did MORE than piss us off.

It broke Our Hearts.

What were they 

THINKING?

You Don't Turn Your Backs 

on Your Warriors.

I didn't Trust anybody 

anymore. Just My Family.

NARRATOR: 

Musgrave was so hurt by the way 

some people treated him that 

he volunteered to return to Vietnam.

Because of his injuries, The Marines turned him down, and asked him 

to help recruit men instead.

He did for a time, but 

when students asked him 

Questions about The War 

he couldn't answer,

he also began to read 

about How and Why 

it was being fought.

MUSGRAVE: 

I had friends in-country on a second tour, and, you know, I, I was still... 

considered myself a Marine and...

 and the more I read, the less 

I found to be able to defend 

our presence there.

So then, I, I just stopped 

talking to everybody.

(dog barking)

NARRATOR: 

Musgrave gradually felt as if he were being torn in two.

And he was still haunted by the memory of those Marines who had died while he had lived.

MUSGRAVE : 

I was dating my .45 

in those years, you know.

Coming home at night after drinking, 

and pressing it up against my temple, 

or putting it under my chin, 

wondering if this was gonna 

be the night I was gonna 

have the guts to do it. 

I'd had a round chambered, 

and I'd taken the safety off.

Same kind of pistol 

I carried in Vietnam.

And I thought, "I'm really 

gonna do it tonight."

You know, like, "Whew, I'm really 

gonna do it," you know.

And my dogs... I'd let 

my dogs out. I had two dogs.

And they jumped on the front door

and scratched on the front door.

They wanted in.

And I put the safety back on the pistol and set it down and went and let 'em in.

And they were so open in their love for me that I literally said out loud,

"Whoa, if I really want to do this, I can do this tomorrow."

And I went back in the room,

and I put the pistol in the drawer, and...and I... I think 

that was the closest I came.

I think maybe I would have killed...

k-k-killed myself that night.

But something as simple as my dogs wanting back in... stopped that thought, you know.

I'm really glad that 

it didn't happen.

But at the time, 

it just made so much sense.

MUSGRAVE: 

As I was walking towards it from 

the reflecting pool, there were 

so many names on those walls.

And all of a sudden, My Throat 

swole up, and I thought, 

"I can't do this. I can't 

do this right now."

And I collapsed.

And all the tears I'd 

been holding back...

I didn't cry, I sobbed.

I was on my knees, sobbing.

I couldn't stop, I couldn't 

get my breath.

And I was so grateful to God 

that it was there.

I thought,

"This is going to Save Lives.

This is going to Save Lives."