The News

Eddie :

You think that's How it is?

Kevin Spacey (on The Phone) :

Well, as it turns out,

I am free tonight.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Give me about 15 minutes.

Hey, you know, funerals, sex, death.

I'm gonna go out and play.

Kevin Spacey :

You should go to bed, Eddie.

Take Care of Yourself --

Phil would Want You 

to Get Your Rest.

Eddie :

Where do you get the 

goddamn cynicism...

the goddamn scorn 

to Speak His NAME,

let alone Speak FOR Him?

Kevin Spacey :

Eddie, is everything My Fault?

Eddie :

What did you ever do but 

mock him and put him down?

Phil, Speaking through 

Kevin Spacey :

Why don't you relent? I beg you.

Eddie (doesn’t hear it) :

No. You're not saying...

You ever did one good thing for him.

One helpful thing!

Kevin Spacey :

No, Eddie, What I'm Saying is 

that -- unlike You -- 

I never LIED to him.

Eddie :

You never loved him, either.

Kevin Spacey :

Right, Eddie. Good Taste does,

no doubt, deprive me of 

a great many things.

Eddie :

No guts!

No originality! No guts!

Kevin Spacey :

You know you want this goddamn, ultramodern, post-hip, 

fucking comprehensive 

explanation of everything --

by which you uncover 

the preceding events 

which determine

the following events,

but you're NOT 

gonna find it.

Eddie :

Says YOU!

Kevin Spacey :

You Want to Believe that 

if You Do or Don't Do 

certain things now

certain other things 

Will or Won't Happen 

down the road accordingly.

You want to parlay this 

finely tuned circuitry

You've got for a brain 

into some form of 

major participation with 

the divine conglomerate,

but all You're REALLY 

gonna do, is drive yourself 

and everyone around you 

fucking nuts!

Eddie :

I'm trying to level out, all right?

I got to cool out, but not tonight.

Not tonight!

I got a history lecture 

in progress, man.

The loads are humming.

I'm picking up everything.

I got the radar screens in full rotation.

I'm picking up the 

coast-to-coast flights, and 

Phil is sending me messages.

He's got some complaints, 

you know?

About The Great Beyond.

I got to cut the levels of distortion.

I got to modulate the volume!

Kevin Spacey :

To whatever extent this 

fuckin' torment of yours 

is over what's-her-name, Darlene...

Believe Me, she's not worth it.

Eddie :

That move you made when 

you gave her up for her 

own good... ohh... 

that was genius.

Whatever little prayer 

I had was gone.

She had you down as some form 

of totally unique altruistic 

phenomenon instead of 

the fact that you had 

a low opinion of her 

and all you really wanted 

was to fuck that little bubble-brain Artie brought by for us.

Kevin Spacey :

Yeah. So what?

Eddie :

So you're no better off than me.

Kevin Spacey :

Just slightly.

Eddie :

You have no feelings at all!

Kevin Spacey :

No, Eddie. You know what?

I just don't have

YOUR Feelings.

That's all. I have my own.

And you know what? 

They get me by.

Eddie :

So what kind of Friendship is this?

Kevin Spacey :

Adequate.

Good night.

Eddie :

Something Terrible's 

going on, Mickey.

These are Dark Times.

Kevin Spacey :

You know, people have 

been saying that since 

The Beginning of Time.

Eddie :

You know, forget about it.

That doesn't mean 

“Forget about it”.

Kevin Spacey :

Anyway, it's not Time that's Dark.

It's just YOU, you know?

It's just You!

Fuck you.

Kevin Spacey :

Why don't you wait up for Phil,

why don't you, Eddie?

Wouldn't that be great if Phil

came by to keep you company?

Wouldn't that be great?

I'm sure he will...

Eddie :

Fuck.

THE NEWS :

...Clinton officials hope,

is in how you do it.

The president

is reportedly planning...

a two-step process...

...squad cars, a police van...

and a lifeguard vehicle

were burned by the mob.

...was like a 35-yard penalty.

Now we got to have

a drive going. Big play here...

...Fifty five-year-old mother

Josefa Begillos...

lived downstairs.

Emilio, Angeles,

and his family...

we're talking escape velocity.

The high court

could reach a verdict...

in the next few days.

...complaints

that officers used their...

...human machine Titan.

It took several hours...

and reinforcements

from other departments...

before police restored order.

Plastic angels...

are synonymous...

The Angel :

I ain't mad anymore.

You mad?

See... see my... my bag.

I got a little bit

of everywhere I've been.

See, here's Vermont,

which is a New England state.

And... and there's Florida.

So you can see I hitchhiked...

up and down the 

entire East coast.

Eddie :

I thought you took a plane.

The Angel :

Airplane?

Where would I get The Money?

How you been?

Eddie :

I'm a wreck.

The Angel :

You look a wreck, actually, but...

I didn't wanna be impolite

and mention it.

Eddie :

I don't know what I'm doing.

You know what I mean?

The Angel :

You're in The Pool.

Eddie :

Right. I don't know...

when was the last time

I Thought of You...

and in You Walk.

I don't get it.

The Angel :

I'm a surprise is all.

And I don't know what pertains 

to me... and what doesn't.

The Angel :

Everything pertains 

to You, Eddie.

Sure, I mean, This is all

part of The Flow.

You know, of which

We are a part, too...

and everything pertains 

to everything...

one way or another.

See what I mean?

Eddie :

So... How am I supposed

to feel about it?

See, that's what I don't know.

The Angel :

Oh, you have total...

utter, complete Freedom

on that score, Eddie...

because it doesn't make

a bit of difference.

What I Feel doesn't matter?

This Flow Don't Care?

The Angel :

I Don't Think so.

Eddie :

I have so much to figure out.

THE NEWS :

According to authorities,

the killer...

a 12-year-old honor student...

is fascinated with serial killers.

Now, sources close

to the investigation tell us...

the boy admits

to bludgeoning to death...

The Angel :

I mean, There is You...

and there's these other items...

all these other items like Death.

THE NEWS :

They decapitated

and dissected four rodents.

It's all part of a $99 million

research program...

aimed at discovering

the precise effects...

of space travel

on the nervous system.

Eddie :

I mean... How am I supposed 

to feel about that?

I don't know.

The Angel :

See, that's my point.

That's what I'm saying.

So I do know Your Point.

Eddie :

But do they pertain to me?

The Angel :

I was saying to you that they all pertain to You….

As much as they're

a part of Everything, right?

I mean... that's all I'm saying.

Eddie :

Did you know that Phil was dead?

The Angel :

Whoa. What Happened?

Eddie :

He drove his car off Mulholland.

The Angel :

What Happened?

Eddie :

The car crashed.

The funeral was today.

The Angel :

So that's why you're 

such a wreck, Eddie.

You were at the funeral.

That would wreck anybody.

Was it sad?

Eddie :

Everybody's in the suits.

You do the things.

Everybody's there.

Everybody's in line.

All the cars... in a line.

Everybody's in the cars.

You get to the... cemetery...

and... the priest has got

some more to say.

And there's The Hole.

You put him in.

The Angel :

Was it sad?

Eddie :

There was, at the grave...

we were like a...

a bunch of dogs.

And this guy... was singing

with this beautiful voice.

He had this beautiful

high voice.

All alone. No organ or anything.

Just His Voice.

And... the priest could 

have said anything.

Nice things, sad things,

nothing.

And this guy, nobody knew 

who he was...

would sing...

And you couldn't even really 

make out the words even.

You know? You just heard this...

this high... beautiful, sad, sad...

This human sound.

And then everybody just started

crying along with him.

The Angel :

You know something, Eddie?

I didn't really go to all 

the places on my bag.

I actually went out of here North...

towards San Francisco, but...

I got no further than Oxnard.

Eddie :

I know where Oxnard is.

The Angel :

Great.

Eddie :

What's so great about me

knowing where Oxnard is?

The Angel :

It's great when people know

what each other

are talking about.

I mean, isn't that what 

we've been talking about?

The Angel :

So, I'm gonna sleep here...

if you don't mind.

I mean, you got room?

Eddie :

I'm gonna be up for a while.

The Angel :

That's OK.

Eddie :

There's room here on the couch.

The Angel :

Great.

Eddie :

I...

I might never go to sleep again.

I might stay awake forever.

The Angel :

That's OK.

I'm just happy to get off

The Streets at the moment.

The Desperation out there

is paranormal.

You want to fuck me

or anything, Eddie...

before I go to sleep?

Great. Not that I don't want to,

I'm just...sleepy.

Eddie :

You want anything, a Valium?

Good night.

Pleasant dreams.

Wisdom Trippin’

“I go to meet my writer friend Jason Arnopp in the café towards the back of London Road market in Brighton. In an effort to spend less time in the pub, we’ve started experimenting with meeting for lunch in the middle of the day. This new routine is not proving to be much healthier than going to the pub, given the number of greasy fry-ups we now consume. 

Jason is a friendly, open, good-natured soul, which can make the constant references to Satan that pepper his conversation a little surprising. He has a short dark beard and a large ring on his right hand in the shape of the hockey-masked killer from the Friday the 13th movies. He wears a smart jacket over a black T-shirt with a picture of a goat-headed demon on the front. ‘I’ll order you some food,’ I say when he arrives. ‘Do it for Satan,’ he replies, flashing me the devil horns hand symbol. 

Jason is now a horror author, best known for his novel The Last Days of Jack Sparks, but he spent many years writing for the heavy-metal magazine Kerrang! The previous day I had sent Jason a Bandcamp link to a black-metal album called Coditany of Timeness by Dadabots, which was created by a recurrent neural network. 

An AI had been fed the black-metal album Diotima by Krallice and asked to come up with a black-metal album of its own. 

To most people, black metal just sounds like noise. 

Coditany of Timeness also sounds like noise, so it is easy to pass it off as a successful AI experiment. 

This is where I need Jason’s help. 

He is an expert in black and death metal, whereas I am not sufficiently knowledgeable about the genre to be confident judging it. 

I ask him if he’s had time to listen to it. ‘I did,’ he tells me. ‘It is bollocks.’ 

This expert view confirmed my suspicions. ‘It just sounds like a cobbled-together bunch of patchy samples from the original,’ he continues. ‘I wonder if these folk are focusing on black metal because they see these genres as devoid of emotion and so easier to replicate? 

That isn’t the case. 

Black metal’s full of emotion, even if those emotions tend to be very negative, cold or evil. If you listen to the original Krallice album, there’s much more warmth – which is ironic for a black-metal album – and sense of Purpose. 

The machine’s algorithm notably avoids Krallice’s slower moments, perhaps because these are the moments when the singer displays more feeling. 

Music is people doing things for a reason. 

It’s not just some random patch-quilt of sound.’ 

The egg and chips arrive, and Jason covers his with an unholy amount of pepper. 

‘In fairness, maybe it’s terrible because the AI involved had only been given one album to work with,’ he says. ‘Much the same would happen if you fed a machine one Justin Bieber album and told it to create pop music. 

Except that everyone would immediately recognise that as terrible, whereas because they used black metal only black-metal fans can be sure this is terrible.

‘Also, one of the tracks is called “Wisdom Trippin’”. 

That is by far the least black-metal song title I’ve ever seen!

 My God, that’s so wrong it’s genius! 

“Wisdom Trippin’”!’ 

He breaks down in laughter. 

The name amuses him greatly. None of this surprises me, because I like to think I have become skilled at recognising what AI can do, and what it fails to do. 

For example, there had been interest in the press about a bot that had been fed all the Harry Potter books, and which had then written its own version. This was called Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash. This had been shared widely around social media, because it was very funny. 

The bot had produced text like ‘Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry’s ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.’ 

At first glance, this has all the hallmarks of AI-generated text. The text’s algorithmic author has no idea what any of the words mean, but it has a sense of what words should fit together. Each word follows plausibly on from the one before, but the sentence is aimless because the algorithm has nothing to say. 

That said, it has managed to capture something of the rhythms of J. K. Rowling’s writing, not least her fondness for adjectives. 

A sentence like ‘ “If you two can’t clump together happily, I’m going to get aggressive,” confessed the reasonable Hermione’ does have a Rowling-like charm. 

But the more I read, the more suspicious I got. There were sections of text such as ‘ “Voldemort, you’re a very bad and mean wizard,” Harry savagely said. Hermione nodded encouragingly. The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said, “Hermione has forgotten how to dance”, so Hermione dipped his face in mud.’ 

Something about them didn’t seem right. They were too perfect. The text was consistently funny. That is not a skill which AI is capable of. There didn’t seem to be enough aimless gibberish for it to be true AI. 

My suspicions were confirmed when I explored the website where the text was hosted. This text was generated by an app called Predictive Writer. It works in a similar way to the predictive text on your smartphone. It makes a few guesses at what word should come next based on both the previous words used and its understanding of the corpus of text it has been trained on, such as the Harry Potter books. A human then chooses which of those words should be used. A huge amount of material can be generated in this way, after which a human chooses the funniest and most interesting examples to share with the world. This is typical of the use of AI in creative endeavours. By itself, AI can produce work which is technically impressive to coders, but which is aimless crap to everyone else. Yet when human curation becomes part of the process, and when AI is relegated to a tool used by a creative human, then a world of surreal and unexpected potential is opened up. Without that tool, it is unlikely that any comedic Harry Potter fan would ever have come up with the image of reasonable Hermione dipping Voldemort’s face in mud.

Courting

What The actual FUCK 

Does THAT Mean?

Tone

Kevin Spacey :

Do you realise you're toking up 

at 8:58 in the morning, on top 

of the shit you already 

put up your nose? 

You're going to show up to work,

with a radish for a face. 

You're going to show up there,

Talking like a fish. 

Eddie : 

You don't have to 

worry about me. 

Kevin Spacey :

…What kind of Tone is that? 

Eddie : 

That's my tone. 

Kevin Spacey :

Yeah, but what does it mean? 

Eddie : 

My Tone. What does my tone mean? 

I don't have to interpret 

my fucking tone for you, 

because I don't know what it means. 

Kevin Spacey :

OK. Well, just don't get clandestine on me. 

That's all I'm saying. 

Eddie : 

Well, there's just not a lot of dynamite ladies out there... 

anywhere you look, Mickey, as we both know. 

Kevin Spacey :

Hey, Eddie, we hit it off, you know? 

I mean, I asked you. 

Eddie : 

Absolutely. 

World of The Psychic

Elaine :

According to My Source, 

The End of The World will be on 

February 14th in The Year 2016. 

Venkman :

Valentine's Day -- Bummer. 

Where'd You get Your Date, Elaine? 

Elaine :

I received this information 

from an alien --

As I told My Husband, it was in 

The Paramus Holiday Inn :

I was having a drink 

at the bar, alone, and 

this alien approached me. 

He started Talking to Me. 

He bought Me a Drink. 

And then I think he must have 

used some kind of a ray 

or a mind-control device, because 

he forced me to follow him 

to his room -- 

And that's where... 

He told Me about 

The End of The World…

Venkman :

…So, Your Alien had a room at 

The Holiday Inn, Paramus? 

Elaine :

….It might've been a room on 

The Spacecraft made-up 

to look like a room at 

The Holiday Inn -- 

….I can't be sure 

about that, Peter. 

Venkman :

Of course not — And that is 

The Whole Problem  with aliens, 

is that you just can't 

Trust Them -- Occasionally, 

You meet a nice one : 

Starman. E.T. 

But usually They turn out to be 

some kind of a Big LIZARD! 

That's all The Time We’ve Got for 

this week on World of the Psychic. 

Next Week, though... Give me Ira. 

Hairless pets. Weird. 

Until Then, This is 

Peter Venkman, Saying... 

See You Then. Bye.