Monday, 19 October 2020

ROBINS




“I had a Dream. 
In fact, it was on the night I met you. 

In The Dream, there was Our World, and The World was dark because there weren't any Robins and The Robins represented Love. 
And for the longest time, there was this Darkness. 

And all of a sudden, thousands of Robins were set free and they flew down and brought this blinding Light of Love. 
And it seemed that only Love would make a difference, and it DID. 

So, I guess it means that there is Trouble until The Robins come.”





“By the time I got up the nerve to watch Blue Velvet a second time, I was far more resigned to the certainty of uncertainty. I had started to understand that it was possible to be enthralled and agitated by enthusiastically expressed views (both personal and political) while still fundamentally disagreeing with them – or at least, remaining sceptical about them. 

Most importantly, I had learned that if you take any fixed set of preconceptions into a movie theatre, then the better the movie the more likely you are to have those preconceptions confirmed. 

You can love bad movies, and you can hate good movies. But brilliant movies are often the ones that you love and hate at the same time. That’s what makes them brilliant. Or so it seemed as I sat in that second screening of Blue Velvet, surrendering to the awful beauty of its phantasmagoria (‘In dreams, I walk with you’ sings Roy Orbison) and being engulfed by a wave of shame and rapture, repugnance and delight which my naïve political correctness could no longer seek to deny. 

While the scenes of sexual degradation and despair remained almost unendurably harsh, an amazing transformation had occurred during those other moments which Roger Ebert had dismissed as ‘cheap shots’. 

Having finally surrendered to the horror of Blue Velvet, I found myself unexpectedly touched and moved by the very elements that had formerly repelled me. 

The real revelation was my reaction to a much-quoted scene in which Laura Dern’s Sandy recounts her vision of ethereal robins, a scene which Ebert doutbtless had in mind when citing the ‘sophomoric satire’ and ‘campy in-jokes’ of Blue Velvet. 

I had a dream,’ Sandy tells MacLachlan’s straight-faced Jeffrey as Angelo Badalamenti’s suspended score surges in quietly choral tones. ‘In fact, it was on the night that I met you. In the dream, there was our world. And the world was dark because there weren’t any robins. And the robins represented love. And for the longest time there was just this darkness. And all of a sudden thousands of robins were set free and they flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it seemed like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. And it did! So I guess that means there is trouble till the robins come …’ 

Seeing that speech written down it looks like the goofiest garbage any actress ever had to deliver, and indeed the first time I saw Blue Velvet I interpreted it as nothing more than smart-alec satire. 

But the second time, having succumbed to the film’s dark spell, I took it literally … and I bought it! 

My heart swelled, my soul surged, my eyes teared up, and I was gone, gone like a turkey in the corn. 

By the time Dean Stockwell grabbed that cabin light and started lip-synching ‘A candy-coloured clown they call the sandman, tiptoes to my room every night …’ I was buzzing like a horsefly. 

Audiences watching William Castle’s 1959 shocker The Tingler and experiencing the bum-shaking thrills of ‘Percepto’ (buzzers hidden in selected seats, folks) couldn’t have been more vibrantly thrilled! 

Years later I interviewed Lynch for The Culture Show and felt duty-bound to tell him how much I had hated Blue Velvet first time round, and how I’d stormed out and written a review that said it was garbage. 

I meant it as a compliment, although thinking about it now it may have seemed unnecessarily confrontational. Certainly there was a moment in my rambling eulogy when Lynch looked genuinely concerned as to where I was going with all this. 

But, bless him, he stuck with me and by the time I got to the bit about going to see the film a second time and realising that it was a masterpiece after all he seemed to be on board. 

That’s how it looked to me, anyway. 




What I was trying to say was that this really is ‘a strange world’, and somehow my polarised love/hate responses to Blue Velvet perfectly proved that point. 

Lynch seemed to agree, particularly when our conversation drifted into a discussion of Lost Highway which had received some of its best reviews in Paris from critics who had been shown the reels in the wrong order. 

It was amazing, we agreed, how the human mind could impose order upon chaos, seeing patterns where there are none, finding meaning in meaninglessness – and vice versa. 

Tangentially, I had a strangely similar experience with Marc Evans’ psychological thriller Trauma¸ which I saw in the company of Radio One’s long-standing film critic James King. 

The film largely takes place within the mind of its (deranged?) protagonist, played by Colin Firth, and boasts an elliptical structure which mirrors the temporal dysphasia of his inner turmoil. 

Except, of course, it doesn’t; the reels just got mixed up in the projection booth the first time I saw it. I remember with horrible clarity how James complained afterwards that the film ‘made no sense’ and how I berated him for his simplistic demand for a ‘linear narrative structure’. 

I remember, too, the sense of skin-crawling embarrassment I got when receiving a text message from the producer explaining that the film had been projected the wrong way round, and asking if I would watch it again in the right order. 

Worse still was the fact that, after that second screening, I remained convinced that I had enjoyed the movie more the first time. 

To Lynch, who genuinely believes that ‘we live inside a dream’, this all made perfect sense. 

And somehow, through the absurdity of my reactions to his work, and to Evans’ film, and to all the movies that I now claim to love and cherish, we seemed to have found common philosophical ground. 

Plus, Lynch had complimented me on my choice of tie which I took to be the highest accolade since he was a man who used to like ties so much he would wear three at once. Now he wears none. 

Over the years I’ve interviewed Lynch on several occasions, for Q Magazine, for BBC radio and TV, and most recently on stage at the BFI Southbank (formerly the National Film Theatre) in London. 

During that encounter, I talked to him about the ‘sweetness and innocence’ of Blue Velvet – the same film that had sent me storming from Manchester’s former premier porno cinema in a huff of politicised anger all those years ago. 

Back then the film had seemed irredeemably corrupt, the jarring juxtaposition of brutal psychological realism and corny insincere Americana epitomising the maxim that  postmodernism means never having to say you’re sorry’. 

Now here I was waxing lyrical about its utter lack of irony, particularly Sandy’s dream of the robins. 

The thing I absolutely love about that scene,’ I told a benevolently smiling Lynch, ‘is that when Laura Dern describes her dream, she’s not doing it in a goofy way, but in a real way. 

This has been written about often as ironic, but to me it seems completely sincere and not ironic at all. 

You do really mean it, don’t you?’ 

Oh yes,’ agreed Lynch, in his clipped ‘Jimmy Stewart from Mars’ chirrup. 

We all have this thing where we want to be very cool and when you see something like this, really kind of embarrassing, the tendency is to laugh, so that you are saying out loud that “This is embarrassing and not cool!” and you’re hip to the scene. 

This kind of thing happens. 

But we also always know that when we’re alone with this person that we’re falling in love with, we do say goofy things, but we don’t have a problem with it. 

It’s so beau-ti-ful. 

And the other person’s so forgiving of these beautiful, loving, goofy things. 

So there’s a lot of this swimming in this scene. 

At the same time, there’s something to that scene, a Truth to it, in my book.’ Love. Beauty. Truth. All the things Ebert (and I) had thought were missing from Blue Velvet. Yet there they were all along – staring us right in the face. By the time I left Manchester at the end of the eighties, I wasn’t sure what I believed in any more. I had discovered that my judgements about movies were irredeemably flawed; I had learned that doctrine rarely coincided with desire; and I had come to accept that freedom of speech meant allowing people to say the things you don’t want to hear. On the night before I shipped out to London, I trekked to Salford Quays on my own to watch a late-night screening of Clive Barker’s lively horror romp Hellraiser, now widely regarded as the best British horror film of the decade. And as I sat there watching Clare Higgins lusting after the freshly flayed corpse of her reanimated boyfriend and wincing at the sight of giant fish hooks tearing strangulated faces apart, I realised that very little had changed since the days when I took refuge from the horrors of school life in triple-bill X-rated all-nighters at the Phoenix East Finchley. 

When everything else was uncertain, gore cinema never let me down. 
Pass me that chainsaw.

"I wish to be left alone," said Scrooge.



"Good afternoon!" said Scrooge.

His nephew left the room without an angry word, notwithstanding.  He stopped at the outer door to bestow the greetings of the season on the clerk, who cold as he was, was warmer than Scrooge; for he returned them cordially.

"There's another fellow," muttered Scrooge; who overheard him: "my clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a merry Christmas.  I'll retire to Bedlam."

This lunatic, in letting Scrooge's nephew out, had let two other people in.  They were portly gentlemen, pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their hats off, in Scrooge's office.  They had books and papers in their hands, and bowed to him.

"Scrooge and Marley's, I believe," said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list.  "Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?"

"Mr. Marley has been dead these seven years," Scrooge replied.  "He died seven years ago, this very night."

"We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner," said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.

It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits.  At the ominous word "liberality," Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.

"At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge," said the gentleman, taking up a pen, "it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and Destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time.  Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir."

"Are there no prisons?" asked Scrooge.

"Plenty of prisons," said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

"And the Union workhouses?"  demanded Scrooge.  "Are they still in operation?"

"They are.  Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could say they were not."

"The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?"  said Scrooge.

"Both very busy, sir."

"Oh!  I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course," said Scrooge.  "I'm very glad to hear it."

"Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude," returned the gentleman, "a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink and means of warmth.  

We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices.  What shall I put you down for?"

"Nothing!" Scrooge replied.

"You wish to be anonymous?"

"I wish to be left alone," said Scrooge.  "Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer.  I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry.  I help to support the establishments I have mentioned -- they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there."

"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."

"If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.  

Besides -- excuse me -- I don't know that."

"But you might know it," observed the gentleman.

"It's not my business," Scrooge returned.  "It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's.  Mine occupies me constantly.  Good afternoon, gentlemen!"

Seeing clearly that it would be useless to pursue their point, the gentlemen withdrew.  Scrooge returned his labours with an improved opinion of himself, and in a more facetious temper than was usual with him.







Scrooge glanced about him on the floor, in the expectation of finding himself surrounded by some fifty or sixty fathoms of iron cable: but he could see nothing.

"Jacob," he said, imploringly.  "Old Jacob Marley, tell me more.  Speak comfort to me, Jacob!"

"I have none to give," the Ghost replied.  "It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men.  Nor can I tell you what I would.  A very little more, is all permitted to me.  I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere.  My spirit never walked beyond our counting-house -- mark me! -- in life my spirit never roved beyond the narrow limits of our money-changing hole; and weary journeys lie before me!"

It was a habit with Scrooge, whenever he became thoughtful, to put his hands in his breeches pockets.  Pondering on what the Ghost had said, he did so now, but without lifting up his eyes, or getting off his knees.

"You must have been very slow about it, Jacob," Scrooge observed, in a business-like manner, though with humility and deference.

"Slow!" the Ghost repeated.

"Seven years dead," mused Scrooge.  "And travelling all the time!"

"The whole time," said the Ghost.  "No rest, no peace.  Incessant torture of remorse."

"You travel fast?"  said Scrooge.

"On the wings of the wind," replied the Ghost.

"You might have got over a great quantity of ground in seven years," said Scrooge.

The Ghost, on hearing this, set up another cry, and clanked its chain so hideously in the dead silence of the night, that the Ward would have been justified in indicting it for a nuisance.

"Oh!  captive, bound, and double-ironed," cried the phantom, "not to know, that ages of incessant labour, by immortal creatures, for this earth must pass into eternity before the good of which it is susceptible is all developed.  Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness.  

Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunity misused!  

Yet such was I!  Oh!  such was I!"

"But you were always a good man of business, Jacob," faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.

"Business!" cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again.  "Mankind was my business.  The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business.  The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

It held up its chain at arm's length, as if that were the cause of all its unavailing grief, and flung it heavily upon the ground again.

"At this time of the rolling year," the spectre said "I suffer most.  Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode!  Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me!"

Scrooge was very much dismayed to hear the spectre going on at this rate, and began to quake exceedingly.

"Hear me!" cried the Ghost.  "My time is nearly gone..."

Sunday, 18 October 2020

Just Don’t Be Useless






A doctor's office, day. Stan took Kyle's advice. A doctor is checking Stan's ears

Stan
And so then I put on exactly the same album that I really like a year ago, and it sounded like shit to me.

Doctor
Uh huh, and what about food? 
Are some of the things you thought tasted good tasting like shit to you now, too?

Stan
Yeah. I used to love these Pop Rock things, and I tried them the other day and I thought they tasted like shit.

Doctor
[reads his medical file] This says you had a birthday recently?

Stan
I just turned 10.

Doctor
Well, that makes sense. 
You see Stan, as you get older, your eardrums, taste buds, all that stuff develops and changes.

Stan
So this is normal?

Doctor
It's very normal. 
Let's just do a quick ear exam. 
I'm gonna play some Tween Wave music and you tell me what you hear. 
[plays some music, with lots of fart sounds
What's that sound like to you?

Stan
Sounds like shit.

Doctor
Aha. Now I'm going to play you some good ole Bob Dylan. 
[plays a Dylan track. Dylan gets through three syllables before fart sounds replace him.]

Stan
Uh that sounds like shit too.

Doctor
Wait, •this• sounds like shit to you?

Stan
Yeah dude, it's just shit.

Doctor
Well that's very strange. 
[turns off the player] 
Hm, I'm gonna try somethin' else. 
[takes two pictures up to Stan] 
Look at these two pictures. 
One of them is an ad for Kevin James' new movie The Zookeeper, and the other is a turd in a microwave. 
Which one is the ad for The Zookeeper?

Stan
They both look the same. 
[true enough, except for the turds]

Doctor
You don't see any difference in the pictures?

Stan
No.


Doctor
[holds up the picture in his right hand
That is an ad for The Zookeeper and 
[holds up the picture in his left hand
that is a turd about to be reheated.

Stan
They both look like turds about to be reheated to me.

Doctor
Oh dear. I think I know what this is. 
 
You see Stan, as you get older, things that you used to like start looking and sounding like shit. 
And things that seemed shitty as a child don't seem as shitty. 
 
With you, somehow, the wires have gotten crossed and everything looks and sounds like shit to you. 

It's a condition called 
"Being a Cynical Asshole."

Stan
Oh no.

Doctor
Yes. And there's no known cure, I'm afraid. 
Everything just seems shitty, and everyone starts to seem shitty, and everything they say just starts to 
[sounds shitty now, and Stan can't believe his ears. Soon, shit comes out of the doctor's mouth and Stan is more horrified]

HOUSE




K'MTAR: 
Q'apla, Worf. 
You are too much for them. 

WORF: 
I have seen you before. 
Who are you? 

K'MTAR: 
A friend. 

(he holds out his fist, displaying a ring)

WORF: 
Are you K'mtar. 

K'MTAR: 
Your brother sent me here to protect you.

WORF: 
He is gin'tak to the House of Mogh. 

RIKER: 
Gin'tak? 

WORF: 
An advisor so trusted that he is become part of a family. 

RIKER: 
Do you have any idea who was behind the attack? 

K'MTAR: 
It is a Klingon matter. 
It is not your concern. 

RIKER: 
One of my officers was almost killed. 
That makes it my concern. 

K'MTAR: 
Recently, rumours began to circulate on the homeworld that an assassination attempt was going to be made on the Family of Mogh.






“A Decree of The Senate empowered Brutus to propose to the people a measure exiling all the members of The House of Tarquin. 


A Conspiracy to Restore the Tarquins.

Though no one doubted that war with the Tarquins was imminent, it did not come as soon as was universally expected. What was not expected, however, was that through intrigue and treachery the new-won liberty was almost lost.

There were some young men of high birth in Rome who during the late reign had done pretty much what they pleased, and being born companions of the young Tarquins were accustomed to live in royal fashion. Now that all were equal before the law, they missed their former licence and complained that the liberty which others enjoyed had become slavery for them; as long as there was a king, there was a person from whom they could get what they wanted, whether lawful or not, there was room for personal influence and kindness, he could show severity or indulgence, could discriminate between his friends and his enemies. But the law was a thing, deaf and inexorable, more favourable to the weak than to the powerful, showing no indulgence or forgiveness to those who transgressed; human nature being what it was, it was a dangerous plan to trust solely to one's innocence. When they had worked themselves into a state of disaffection, envoys from the royal family arrived, bringing a demand for the restoration of their property without any allusion to their possible return. An audience was granted them by the senate, and the matter was discussed for some days; fears were expressed that the non-surrender would be taken as a pretext for war, while if surrendered it might provide the means of war. The envoys, meantime, were engaged on another task: whilst ostensibly seeking only the surrender of the property they were secretly hatching schemes for regaining the crown. Whilst canvassing the young nobility in favour of their apparent object, they sounded them as to their other proposals, and meeting with a favourable reception, they brought letters addressed to them by the Tarquins and discussed plans for admitting them secretly at night into the City.

Saturday, 17 October 2020

The Scouring









“ As evening fell they were drawing near to Frogmorton, a village right on the Road, about twenty-two miles from the Bridge. There they meant to stay the night; The Floating Log at Frogmorton was a good inn. 

But as they came to the east end of the village they met a barrier with a large board saying NO ROAD; and behind it stood a large band of Shirriffs with staves in their hands and feathers in their caps, looking both important and rather scared. 

‘What’s all this?’ said Frodo, feeling inclined to laugh.

‘This is what it is, Mr. Baggins,’ said the leader of the Shirriffs, a two-feather hobbit: ‘You’re arrested for Gate-breaking, and Tearing up of Rules, and Assaulting Gate-keepers, and Trespassing, and Sleeping in Shire-buildings without Leave, and Bribing Guards with Food.’ 

‘And what else?’ said Frodo. 

‘That’ll do to go on with,’ said the Shirriff-leader. 

I can add some more, if you’d like it,’said Sam. ‘Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools.’ 

‘There now, Mister, that’ll do. It’s the Chief’s orders that you’re to come along quiet. We’re going to take you to Bywater and hand you over to the Chief’s Men; and when he deals with your case you can have your say. But if you don’t want to stay in the Lockholes any longer than you need, I should cut the say short, if I was you.’ 


To the discomfiture of the Shirriffs Frodo and his companions all roared with laughter. 

Don’t be absurd!’ said Frodo. I am going where I please, and in my own time. I happen to be going to Bag End on business, but if you insist on going too, well that is your affair.’ 

‘Very well, Mr. Baggins,’ said the leader, pushing the barrier aside. But don’t forget I’ve arrested you.’ 

‘I won’t,’ said Frodo. ‘Never. But I may forgive you. Now I am not going any further today, so if you’ll kindly escort me to The Floating Log, I’ll be obliged.’ 


‘I can’t do that, Mr. Baggins. The inn’s closed. There’s a Shirriff-house at the far end of the village. I’ll take you there.’ 

‘All right,’ said Frodo. ‘Go on and we’ll follow.’ 

Sam had been looking the Shirriffs up and down and had spotted one that he knew. 

‘Hey, come here Robin Smallburrow!’ he called. ‘I want a word with you.’ 

With a sheepish glance at his leader, who looked wrathful but did not dare to interfere, Shirriff Smallburrow fell back and walked beside Sam, who got down off his pony. 

‘Look here, Cock-robin!’ said Sam. ‘You’re Hobbiton-bred and ought to have more sense, coming a-waylaying Mr. Frodo and all. And what’s all this about the inn being closed?’ 

They’re all closed,’ said Robin. 

‘The Chief doesn’t hold with beer. Leastways that is how it started. But now I reckon it’s his Men that has it all. And he doesn’t hold with folk moving about; so if they will or they must, then they has to go to the Shirriff-house and explain their business.’ 

You ought to be ashamed of yourself having anything to do with such nonsense,’ said Sam. ‘You used to like the inside of an inn better than the outside yourself. You were always popping in, on duty or off.’ 

‘And so I would be still, Sam, if I could. But don’t be hard on me. What can I do? You know how I went for a Shirriff seven years ago, before any of this began. Gave me a chance of walking round the country and seeing folk, and hearing the news, and knowing where the good beer was. But now it’s different.’


But you can give it up, stop Shirriffing, if it has stopped being a respectable job,said Sam. 


We’re not allowed to, said Robin. 


If I hear not allowed much oftener,’ said Sam, I’m going to get angry.’ 

Can’t say as I’d be sorry to see it,’ said Robin lowering his voice. ‘If we all got angry together something might be done. 

But it’s these Men, Sam, the Chief’s Men. He sends them round everywhere, and if any of us small folk stand up for our rights, they drag him off to the Lockholes. They took old Flourdumpling, old Will Whitfoot the Mayor, first, and they’ve taken a lot more. 

Lately it’s been getting worse. Often they beat ’em now.’ 


‘Then why do you do their work for them?’ said Sam angrily. ‘Who sent you to Frogmorton?’ 

‘No one did. We stay here in the big Shirriff-house. We’re the First Eastfarthing Troop now. 

There’s hundreds of Shirriffs all told, and they want more, with all these new rules

Most of them are in it against their will, but not all

Even in the Shire there are some as like minding other folk’s business and talking big. 

And there’s worse than that: there’s a few as do spy-work for the Chief and his Men.’ 

‘Ah! So that’s how you had news of us, is it?’ 

‘That’s right. We aren’t allowed to send by it now, but they use the old Quick Post service, and keep special runners at different points. One came in from Whitfurrows last night with a “secret message”, and another took it on from here. And a message came back this afternoon saying you was to be arrested and taken to Bywater, not direct to the Lockholes. The Chief wants to see you at once, evidently.’ 

‘He won’t be so eager when Mr. Frodo has finished with him,’ said Sam. 

The Shirriff-house at Frogmorton was as bad as the Bridge-house. It had only one storey, but it had the same narrow windows, and it was built of ugly pale bricks, badly laid. Inside it was damp and cheerless, and supper was served on a long bare table that had not been scrubbed for weeks. 

The food deserved no better setting.


The Scouring of the Shire
“The Scouring of the Shire” is the penultimate chapter of the high fantasy novel The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien. 

The Fellowship hobbits, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, return home to the Shire to find that it is under the brutal control of ruffians and their leader “Sharkey”, revealed to be the Wizard Saruman. 

The ruffians have despoiled the Shire, cutting down trees and destroying old houses, as well as replacing the old mill with a larger one full of machinery which pollutes the air and the water. 

The hobbits rouse the Shire to rebellion, lead their fellow-hobbits to victory in the Battle of Bywater, and end Saruman’s rule.

Friday, 16 October 2020

AMATUERISM



When you're on Junk, you have only one worry: Scoring. 
And when you're off it, you're suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. 

Got no money, can't get drunk. 
Got money, drinkin' too much. 

Can't get a girl, no chance of a ride. 
Got a girl, too much hassle. 

You have to worry about bills, about food about some football team that never fucking wins. 

About human relationships and all the things that really don't matter, when you've got a Sincere and Truthful junk habit. 
 

The only drawback, or at least the principal drawback, is that you have to endure all manner of cunts telling you that -- 

“No way would I poison my body with that shite. All them fucking chemicals. No fucking way. [ Inhales cigarette ] 

“It's a waste of your life, man... poisoning your body with that shite.”

“Every chance you've had, son, you've blown it. Stuffing your veins with that filth.”

From time to time, even I have uttered the magic words :


“Never again, Swanney. I'm off the skag."

MOTHER SUPERIOR :
Are you serious? 

MARK RENTON :
Yeah, No More. 
I'm finished with that shite.



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
Well, that's up to you, man. 



MARK RENTON :
Gonna do it right this time. 
Gonna get it sorted out, get off it for good. 



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
I'm sure I've heard that one before. 



MARK RENTON :
The Sick Boy method. 



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
Oh, well, it really worked for him, eh? 



MARK RENTON :
Well, he's always been lacking a certain moral fibre. 



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
He knows a lot about Sean Connery.



MARK RENTON :
That's hardly a substitute.



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
You need one more hit? 



MARK RENTON :
No, I don't think so. 



MOTHER SUPERIOR :
For the long night that lies ahead? 


We called him Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit. 
Of course I'd have another shot. 
After all, I had work to do. 
 


Still got my security key.
?ҵİ?ȫȨ?޻?????

This place has gone to hell without me.
??ط?û???Ҿͱ?????????????

Mm-hmm.
?ź?

It's almost 1:00 in the morning, Jim.
???ڶ????賿һ???? Jim

Are you not coming home or answering my calls or texts?
??Ͳ?????ؼ??ˣ? Ҳ????????ҵĶ??ź͵绰??

I told you my editor wanted me to write more personally.
?Ҹ??߹??? ?ҵı༭ ????д?ĸ?˽?˻?һ??

There are classified documents in this room.
?????????л????ļ?

You can't be in here.
?㲻?????????????

It was an invasion of privacy. I'm really sorry for that.
???Ƕ?????˽???ַ? ?Һܱ?Ǹ

I was mad. We had just had the last fight
??????????? ?????ճ????

and I went into the other room and wrote it.
??????һ?????? ?ҾͰ?????д??????

You know my computer doesn't trust me.
??֪???ҵĵ???һֱ????????

It always asks are you sure you want to do this?
???????????Dz???ȷ?? ??????????????ѡ??

But it never asks before I hit...
?????Ұ?????ǰȴ????????...

I don't care about the invasion of privacy. I wish I did.
?Ҷ??ַ???˽???????????? ?һ?ϣ????????????

I've been here for hours
????????˺ü???Сʱ

trying to make myself mad because it was an invasion of privacy.
??????Ϊ?????Լ? ??Ϊ???ַ?????˽??????

And the crowd would be on my side. That's a no-brainer.
?붼?????? ???ڿ϶???վ???????

- You don't like me very much. - And I wish I didn't like you so much.
- ????Dz?ϲ???? - ??Ҳϣ????˰?

Took five fucking days, Hallie,
?Ŷ̶??????ʱ?? Hallie

for you to give yourself your own reality show.
??͸??Լ??ҵ??˸??????????̨

I understand your wanting to insult me right now,
??֪????????????????

but that's not what I did.
???ҿ?û????ô??

Writing about the media, writing about the New York elite,
дд????ý??Ŀ??? дд????ŦԼ??Ӣ??????

telling personal stories that resonate with readers
???Լ??Ĺ?????????߹???

doesn't take one cent away from covering Syria
??Щ?ͱ????????Ǿ??? ????????ͻ

and Afghanistan and Washington.
?????׶????????¼? ??һ??ͬΪ???ű???

There are foreign correspondents,
?????ﻹ?з????¼???

sports correspondents, fashion correspondents.
???????? ????ʱ?м?????

And an unbearable correspondent.
???и??????̵ļ???

Jealous of the New York elites? I've got you covered.
?????˼?ŦԼ??Ӣ???Ұ??????

A movie star was at an environmental fundraiser
?μӻ???????ļ????Ӱ??

and they rode on a private jet?
??Ȼ????˽?˷ɻ?ȥ?ģ?

Here's your phony outrage.
????͸???д?????ʵķ?ŭ??

Feeling a little like you didn't make the cut?
??Ϊ?Լ?û??ѡ?϶???????ƽ??

I hereby declare that amateurs are awesome
?????ھ????? ҵ??IJ????????

and professionals are so 20 years ago.
רҵ??ʿ????????

Only instead of professionals, I'm gonna say old media,
???????????? ?Ҳ?˵רҵ??ʿ ?????ý??

and instead of Jim, I'm gonna say Tim
??Ҳ??˵Jim ????Tim

because I'm Hallie Shea, Senior Fuck You Correspondent
??Ϊ????Hallie Shea ?߼??????ü???

- and I've decided to become a star. - Are you drunk?
- ?Ҿ?????Ϊһ?????ŵ????? - ???Dz??Ǻ????ˣ?

Did you out yourself about the Boston tweet to make sure no one suspected anyone else
??????Ϊ?????????˱????? ???ԲŰ??Լ?????ȥ??

or did you do it to let our enemies know you were available?
???????????ǵĵ??? ֪??????Ա???????

Do you hear the way you're talking right now?
??֪????????˵?Ķ???ʲô????

- Our enemies? - Did you?
- ???ǵĵ??ˣ? - ??˵?Dz??ǣ?

I'm gonna stay at my place tonight.
?ҽ???????????ס??

Do you mind if I tell you something?
???ܸ???˵???¶???

Your problem isn't with me and it isn't with the site.
???????ĸ?Դ?????? Ҳ?????????վ

It's with the audience. You don't like that they like what they like
?????׻??????ǹ????? ?㲻ϲ??????ƾ?Լ???ϲ??ѡ??????

because you need them to like you and that's no different...
??Ϊ??ϣ??????ֻϲ???? ???????...

I don't give a shit about me or liking me
?ҲŲ???????ϲ??ϲ????

or following me or friending me or trending.
??ز???ע?? ?Ӳ????Һ??? ?????ҵ????۳ɲ???Ϊ????

It's just ugly.
??????????ʽʵ????̫??ª??

I think you're threatened by technology.
??ֻ?????Ƚ??ĿƼ? ?????ȡ???˰?

I beam a signal into outer space every night.
??ÿ????????̫?շ????ź?

I'm not scared of your Samsung Galaxy. What else you got?
?Ҳ?û??????????ֻ??ŵ? ?㻹??˵???ɶ??

I want to be part of the digital revolution. I want to be part of...
??ϣ????Ϊ??????ָ?????һ???? ??ϣ????Ϊ...

Oh, my God! I am not talking about the apparatus.
Ŷ ?ҵ????ţ? ?Ҳ?????̸??Щ?????豸

Just tell me you know I'm right.

??͸????? ??˵???ǶԵİ?

Please. Please.
??????

At least tell me that.
???????֪?????ǶԵ?

Tell me when you knock away the digital revolution bullshit...
??????ȥ???ָ??????ֹ?ƨ????...

"We're not beholden to corporate masters."
?????DzŲ???ȥմ??ҵ??ͷ?Ĺ⡱

Yeah, or any standard of good taste.
?ɲ????? ????????Ʒζ????Ҫ??

Tell me, please, that you know all you did
?????˵˵ ????????ֻ????????

was have a fight with your boyfriend and litigate it in public.
???Լ??????ѵ???ս??????ý

Because I have spent time with hardcore drug movers
?ҿ??ǺͲ??ٶ??????????

and they don't pretend they're selling medicine.

Yeah, I'm drunk.

I'm gonna miss you.

You're gonna miss a lot of things, Jim.

 


MASTER OF TRINITY:
Life slips by, Abrahams, Life slips by.
But this fine old university she offers some rare onsolations, wouldn't you say?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Beyond measure, sir.

MASTER OF CAIUS:
I can take it, then, that you would be acutely grieved to discover that any behavior or action your part were causing her grief?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Naturally, sir, I would, deeply.


MASTER OF CAIUS:
Good. I was sure of it.



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Here in Cambridge, we've always been proud of our athletic prowess.

We believe, we've always believed, that our games are indispensable in helping to complete the education of an Englishman.

They create character they foster courage, honesty and leadership.

But most of all an unassailable spirit of loyalty, comradeship, and mutual responsibility.

Would you agree?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Yes, sir. I would.

[BELL TOLLING]



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Abrahams, there is a growing suspicion in the bosom of this university and I tell you this without in any way decrying your achievements in which we all rejoice that in your enthusiasm for success you have perhaps lost sight of some of these ideals.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
May I ask what form this disloyalty, this betrayal, takes?


MASTER OF CAIUS:
Oh, hardly betrayal.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
The word "grief" was mentioned.

MASTER OF CAIUS:
It's said that you use a personal coach.
 
HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Mr. Mussabini, yes.



MASTER OF CAIUS:
Is he an Italian?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Of Italian extraction, yes.
 
MASTER OF CAIUS:
I see.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
But not all Italian.


MASTER OF CAIUS:
I'm relieved to hear it.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
He's half Arab.


MASTER OF TRINITY:
Do we take it that you employ this Mr. Masambini on a Professional basis?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Sam Mussabini is the finest, most advanced clearest-thinking athletics coach in the country.

I'm honored he considers me worthy of his complete attention.



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Nevertheless, he is a Professional.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
What else would he be? 
He's The Best.



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Oh, but there, Mr. Abrahams, I'm afraid our paths diverge.

You see, this university believes that The Way of The Amateur is the only one to provide satisfactory results.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :

I am an Amateur.

You've been trained by a Professional.
You've adopted a Professional Attitude.

For the past year, you've concentrated wholly on developing your own technique in the headlong pursuit, may I suggest, of individual glory.
 
Not a policy very conducive to the fostering of esprit de corps.

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
I am a Cambridge man first and last.
I am an Englishman first and last.
What I have achieved, what I intend to achieve, is for my family my university, and my country.
And I bitterly resent your suggesting otherwise.



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Your aim is to win at all costs, is it not?

HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
At all costs, no.
But I do aim to win within the rules.
Perhaps you would rather I play the gentleman and lost?


MASTER OF CAIUS:
To playing the tradesman, yes.

MASTER OF TRINITY:
My dear boy, your approach has been, if I may say so, a little too plebeian.
You are The Elite.
 And are therefore expected to behave as such.


HAROLD ABRAHAMS :
Thank you, sir... for your hospitality.
The evening has been most illuminating.
Good night to you, sir.

You know, gentlemen... you yearn for victory just as I do.
But achieved with the apparent effortlessness of gods.

Yours are the archaic values of the prep-school playground.
You deceive no one but yourselves.
I believe in the pursuit of excellence... and I'll carry The Future with me.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]



MASTER OF TRINITY:
Well, there goes your Semite, Hugh.
 
MASTER OF CAIUS:
A different God - a different mountaintop.


 
 
 
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