Of course. And Do You Know HOW You Know That?

“I have to say I did come to the 'end' of all magic as I'd known it and been practising for 25 years and, like a man standing blinking and dazed, ears ringing at ground zero of a nuclear blast, I'm trying to find novel ways to explain what has happened and present it to the world in the form of Blank Magic. 

The Filth was written from the eye of the experience. 

All the really good stuff is still to come. 

For anyone who cares to keep up with these things, 

(and I'm sure many of my readers are practitioners), 

the Qabalistic wisdom I carried home from The Filth Working 

is very simple and profound and is expressed by Greg Feely 

in the scene behind the flower shop - 

The Crown is in The Kingdom, 

and 

The Reverse is Also True. 

And for Enochian magic enthusiasts, 

Greg can be read as Nemo tending his garden if you like.

Of course it took me a long time and a lyric from the new Monster Magnet record to finally get 

The Real Message of The Abyss :

'Shut your mouth, 

you big fucking baby!' 

So I will and Horus, 

crazy Child-God of The Aeon, 

will too, 

if you tell him. 

IAMIUHUAMI

Well hopefully you're over that, still hurts I know 

but you can't freely climb The Tree 

if you confine yourself to The Dirt. 

Of course. I feel a whole lot better now 

but times were fucked up for a while 

and it's shaken me right down to my boots.”

“I guess I have to do The Only Thing I CAN Do — ACCEPTANCE.

 

And 

Forgiveness — 

It’s The ONLY Tools We’ve Got Left.

 

And Evolution, 

if yer interested in it."   

CLARA: 

It's no good, Bonnie. 

You can't win. 

CLARA-Z: 

I don't care. 

DOCTOR: 

Hi! Hello! Hello! 

(The two Zygons seize Clara.)

DOCTOR: 

Oh, hello! Hi. Hi. 

Stop this. Stop this, please. 

Let me take both of these boxes away.

We'll forgive, we'll forget. 

And the ceasefire will stand. 

CLARA-Z: 

No. 

Kate goes to the red box.

KATE: 

Doctor, which of these buttons do I press? 

Doctor, which one? 

Truth or Consequences? 

Bonnie aka Clara-Zygon 

stands at the blue box.

CLARA-Z: 

Truth or Consequences? 

DOCTOR: 

This is the Moment 

we've all been waiting for. 

Make your mind up time! 

He goes into American Game Show Host mode

DOCTOR: 

One of those buttons 

will destroy The Zygons, 

Release The Imbecile's gas.

 

The Other One detonates 

The Nuclear Warhead under The Black Archive. 

It'll Destroy Everyone in London.

Bonnie. 

Bonnie, sweetheart! 

One of those buttons 

will unmask every Zygon in The World. 

The Other One cancels their ability 

to change form. 

It'll make them 

Human Beings for ever. 

normal

There are safeguards 

beyond safeguards. 

I did this on a very 

important day for me 

and this ceasefire will stand. 

CLARA-Z: 

This is Wrong. 

DOCTOR: 

No, it's not. 

CLARA-Z: 

You are responsible for all the violence. 

All of the suffering.

 

DOCTOR: 

No, I'm not. 

CLARA-Z: 

Yes. 

DOCTOR: 

No. 

CLARA-Z: 

Yes. You engineered this situation, Doctor. 

This is your fault. 

DOCTOR: 

No, it's not. 

It's your fault. 

CLARA-Z: 

I had to do 

What I've Done. 

DOCTOR: 

So Did I. 

CLARA-Z: 

We've been treated like cattle. 

DOCTOR: 

So what.

CLARA-Z: 

We've been left to fend for ourselves. 

DOCTOR: 

So's everyone. 

CLARA-Z: 

It's Not Fair. 

DOCTOR: 

Oh, it's not Fair! 

Oh, I didn't realise that it was 

Not Fair! 

Well, you know what? 

My TARDIS doesn't work properly 

and I don't have my own personal Tailor. 

CLARA-Z: 

The things don't equate. 

DOCTOR: 

These things have happened, Zygella. 

They are facts. 

You just want cruelty to beget cruelty. 

You're not superior to people who were cruel to you. 

You're just a whole bunch of new cruel people. 

A whole bunch of new cruel people 

being cruel to some other people, 

who'll end up being cruel to you. 

The only way anyone can live in peace 

is if they're prepared to forgive. 

Why don't you break the cycle? 

CLARA-Z: 

Why should we? 

DOCTOR: 

What is it that you actually want? 

(After a long pause.)

CLARA-Z: 

War. 

DOCTOR: 

Ah. Ah, right. 

And when this war is over, when you have a homeland free from humans, what do you think it's going to be like? 

Do you know? 

Have you thought about it? 

Have you given it any consideration? 

Because you're very close to getting 

What You Want. 

What's it going to be like? Paint me a picture. 

Are you going to live in houses? 

Do you want people to go to work?

Will there be holidays? 

Oh! Will there be music? 

Do you think people will be allowed 

to play violins? 

Who's going to make the violins? Well? 

Oh, you don't actually know, do you? 

Because, like every other 

tantrumming child in history, Bonnie, 

You don't actually know What You Want. 

So, let me ask you A Question 

about this Brave New World of yours :-- 

When you've killed all The Bad Guys, 

and when it's all Perfect and Just and Fair, 

when you have finally got it 

exactly The Way You Want It --

What are You Going to Do with 

The People Like You? 

The Troublemakers. 

How are you going to protect 

Your Glorious Revolution from 

The Next One? 

CLARA-Z: 

We'll win. 

DOCTOR: 

Oh, will you? Well, maybe, 

maybe you will win! 

But nobody wins for long. 

The Wheel just keeps turning. 

So, come on. 

Break The Cycle. 

CLARA-Z: 

Why are you still talking? 

DOCTOR: 

Because I Want to 

Get You to See, 

and I'm almost there! 

CLARA-Z: 

Do you know what I see, Doctor? 

A Box. 

A Box with Everything I Need. 

A fifty percent chance. 

KATE: 

For us, too. 

Both women have their hands poised 

over the buttons. 

The Doctor resumes Games Host mode.

DOCTOR: 

And we're off! Fingers on buzzers! 

Are you feeling lucky? 

Are you ready to 

Play The Game? 

Who's going to be quickest? 

Who's going to be luckiest? 

KATE: 

This is not A Game! 

DOCTOR: 

No, it's not A Game, sweetheart, 

and I mean that most sincerely. 

CLARA-Z: 

Why are you doing this? 

KATE: 

Yes, I'd quite like to know that, too. 

You set this up. Why? 

DOCTOR: 

Because it's not A Game, Kate. 

This is a scale model of War. 

Every war ever fought, 

right there in front of you. 

Because it's always the same —

When you fire that first shot, 

no matter how right you feel, 

You Have No Idea Who's Going to Die! 

You don't know whose children 

are going to scream and burn! 

How many hearts will be broken! 

How many lives shattered! 

How much blood will spill until 

everybody does what they were always 

going to have to do

from The Very Beginning -- 

Sit Down and Talk! 

(sigh) 

Listen to me. 

Listen, I just, I just want you to think. 

Do you know what thinking is? 

It's just a fancy word for changing your mind. 

CLARA-Z: 

I will not change my mind. 

Dr. Disco : 

Then you will die stupid. 

Alternatively, you could 

step away from that box, 

You can walk right out of that door 

and you could stand 

Your Revolution down. 

CLARA-Z: 

No! I'm not stopping this, Doctor. 

I started it. I will not stop it. 

You think They'll let me go, 

after what I've done? 

Dr. Disco : 

You're all the same, you screaming kids.

You know that? 

"Look at me, I'm unforgivable."

 

Well, here's the unforeseeable : 

I forgive you. 

After all you've done, I forgive you. 

CLARA-Z: 

You don't understand. 

You will never understand. 

Dr. Disco : 

I don't understand? 

Are you kidding? Me? 

Of course I understand. 

I mean, do you call this a war? 

This funny little thing? 

This is not a war! 

I fought in a bigger war 

than you will ever know.

I did worse things 

than you could ever imagine. 

And when I close my eyes 

I hear more screams 

than anyone could ever 

be able to count! 

And do you know what you do 

with all that pain? 

Shall I tell you where you put it? 

You hold it tight 

'til it burns your hand, 

and you say this :

"No one else will ever 

have to live like this. 

No one else will have to 

feel this pain. 

Not on my watch!"

(Kate closes the lid of the red box and steps back.)

Dr. Disco : 

Thank you. 

Thank you.

KATE: 

I'm sorry. 

Dr. Disco : 

I know. I know. 

Thank you. 

(to Clara-Z) 

Well? 

(Long, LONG pause.)

CLARA-Z:

It's empty, isn't it? 

Both boxes. 

There's nothing in them. 

Just buttons. 

DOCTOR : 

Of course. 

And do you know 

How you know that? 

Because you've started 

to think like me. 

Clara-Z drops her hand away 

from the buttons.

DOCTOR: 

It's Hell, isn't it?

 

No one should have 

to think like that. 

And no one will. 

Not on Our Watch. 

Their eyes meet

Gotcha.

CLARA-Z: 

How can you be so sure? 

DOCTOR: 

Because you have a disadvantage, Zygella. 

I know that face. 

KATE: 

This is all very well, 

but we know the boxes are empty now --

We can't forget that. 

DOCTOR: 

No, well, er, you've said that 

the last fifteen times. 

He sonics the memory filter 

in the ceiling. 

Bang!  

Osgood leans an unconscious Kate 

against a rack of stuff. 

Clara-Z closes the blue box. 

GAME

 

Take a look at The Lawman,

Beating up the wrong guy --

Oh, Man! Wonder if he'll ever know?

He's on The Best-Selling Show

Is there Life on Mars...?

Did you find the girl? 

 

No, well, I can't say I'm very surprised. 

 

I'm going to rest in my bed for half an hour. 

I do not wish to be disturbed. 

I'd stay there until tonight, if I was you. 

We don't much relish strangers around today. 

 

He's asleep. I don't like to use it on him, really. 

The laird said we're to take no chances, didn't he? 

 

I know, but with the Hand of Glory there's no telling when you wake. 

He might sleep for days. 

 

All the better. 

 

Shh! 

We don't want him butting in. 

Go on, light it up. 

That will make you sleep, my pretty Sergeant. 

I'm away to change. 

We can't do without Punch. 

You best get on ahead. 

They've given you girls five minutes start, haven't they? 

Good-bye. 

What's the matter with you, Macgreagor? 

Do you call that dancing?

Cut some capers, man. Use your bladder. 

Play The Fool. 

That's what you're here for. 

I suppose you've been getting drunk at your own bar. 

That's more like it! 

Good, good! 

 

Here comes the job, that you chop off your head! 

Chop, chop, chop, chop. 

Chop, chop, chop, chop. 

 

Everyone must go through, Macgreagor. 

It's a Game of Chance, remember. 

 

It's Holly. 

Well done. 

 

Now, my friends, to The Beach. 

O god of the sea, I offer you this ale as a libation, that you may bestow upon us in the year to come the rich and diverse fruits of your kingdom. 

Hail, god of the seas! Accept our offering! 

And now, for our more dreadful sacrifice... 

yo those who command the fruit of the Earth. 

 

It's Rowan. 

 

What's the matter, Mr. Macgreagor? 

Now, don't be frightened. I'm a police officer.

I've got to try and get you away.

Hurry, mister, please.

I don't like it here. They're coming. 

Do you know what they're gonna do? 

They're going to - - Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry! 

We can escape through The Cave. I know The Way. 

Quickly. That's The Way Out up there. 

Come on. It's through a big tunnel. 

We seem to have lost our torch-bearing friends.

 

I'm sorry. It was worse than I remembered it.

Did I do it right?

You did it beautifully! 

Dear little Rowan. Rowan, darling. 

Come on, now. 

LORD: 

Welcome, Fool. 

You have come of your own Free Will to the appointed place. 

The Game is over. 

POLICEMAN :

Game? What Game? 

LORD :

The Game of The Hunted leading The Hunter. 

You came here to find Rowan Morrison, but it is We who have found You and brought You Here and controlled your every thought and action since You arrived. 

Principally, we persuaded you to think that Rowan Morrison was being held as a sacrifice because our crops failed last year. 

POLICEMAN :

I know your crops failed. 

I saw the harvest photograph. 

LORD :

Oh, yes. They failed, all right, disastrously so... for the first time since my grandfather came Here. 

The blossom came but The Fruit withered and died on The Bough. 

That must not happen again this year. 

It is our most earnest belief that the best way of preventing this is to offer to our God of The Sun and to The Goddess of Our Orchards the most acceptable sacrifice that lies in our power. 

Animals are fine, but their acceptability is limited. 

A little child is even better, but not nearly as effective as the right kind of adult. 

POLICEMAN :

What do you mean, "right kind of adult"? 

LORD :

You, Sergeant, are the right kind of adult, as our painstaking researches have revealed. 

You, uniquely, were The One We Needed. 

A Man who would come Here of his own Free Will. 

A Man who has come Here with The Power of a King by representing The Law. 

A Man who would come Here as a Virgin. 

A Man who has come Here as a Fool. 

POLICEMAN :

Get out of my way. 

WENCH :

You are The Fool, Mr. Howie - 

Punch, one of the great Fool-Victims of History, for you have accepted The Role of King for a day, and who but A Fool would do that? 

But you will be revered and anointed as a King. 

You will undergo Death and Rebirth - Resurrection, if you like. 

The rebirth, sadly, will not be yours, but that of our crops. 

POLICEMAN :

I am a Christian, and as a Christian, I Hope for Resurrection. 

And even if you kill me now, it is I who will live again, not your damned apples. 

Sleep Close and fast 

POLICEMAN :

 

No matter what you do, you can't change the fact that I believe in the Life Eternal, as promised to Us by Our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

I believe in The Life Eternal as promised to Us by Our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

LORD :

That is good. For believing what you do, we confer upon you a rare gift these days - a Martyr's Death. 

You will not only have Life Eternal, but you will sit with The Saints among The Elect. 

Come. It is time to keep your appointment with The Wicker Man. 

POLICEMAN :

Now, wait! Now, all of you, just wait and listen to me. 

And you can wrap it up any way you like. 

You are about to commit murder. Can you not see? 

There is no Sun God. 

There is no Goddess of The Fields. 

Your crops failed because your strains failed. 

Fruit is not meant to be grown on these islands. 

It's against Nature. 

Don't you see that killing me is not going to bring back your apples? 

Summerisle, you know it won't. Go on, man. 

Tell them. Tell them it won't. 

LORD :

I know it will. 

POLICEMAN :

Well, don't you understand that if your crops fail this year, next year you're going to have to have another blood sacrifice? 

And next year, no one less than The King of Summerisle himself will do. 

If the crops fail, Summerisle, next year your people will kill you on May Day. 

LORD :

They will not fail. The Sacrifice of The Willing King-like Virgin-Fool, will be accepted. 

POLICEMAN :

But don't you see I'll be missed?

They'll come looking for me.

There will be no traces. Bring him up, Oak. 

Go on.

No! Think! Just think what you're doing

! Think what you're doing! Think! In The Name of God, think what you're doing! 

Oh, God! Oh, Jesus Christ! 

Oh, my God! Christ! No, no, dear God! No, Christ! No, no! 

Mighty god of the Sun, bountiful goddess of our orchards, accept our sacrifice and make our blossoms fruit. Mighty god of the Sun, bountiful goddess of our orchards... - Hear ye the words of the lord! ...accept our sacrifice and make our blossoms fruit. Awake, ye heathens, and hold! It is the Lord who hath laid waste your orchards! It is he who hath made them bare! - Reverence the sacrifice. Hold, ye husbandmen, because the harvest of your field hath perished and the vine is dried up and the apple tree languisheth! Even all the trees of the field are withered because the truth is withered away from the sons of men. Desire shall fail and ye shall all die accursed! Summer is a-comin' in Loudly sing cuckoo Grows the seed and blows the mead And springs the wood anew Sing cuckoo Ewe bleats harshly after lamb Cows after calves make moo The lord's my shepherd I'll not want He takes me down to lie in pastures - Oh, God. Grows the seed and blows the mead And springs the wood anew - Sing cuckoo - Oh, God. I humbly entreat you for the soul of this, thy servant, Neil Howie... who will today depart from this world. Do not deliver me into The Enemy's hands... or put me out of mind forever. Let me not undergo the real pains of hell, dear God, because I die unshriven - Cuckoo, cuckoo - and establish me in that bliss which knows no ending, - Cuckoo - through Christ, our lord. Grows the seed and blows the mead Failure! Failure! Sing cuckoo Ewe bleats harshly after lamb Cows after calves make moo Bullock stamps and deer champs Now shrilly sing cuckoo Cuckoo, cuckoo Wild bird are you Be never still, cuckoo

The Game Theory of Life in The Village

" So we then move on you see to another possible response, not repentance, but that of resignation :

"I quit The Game, I won't play it." 

There are all sorts of ways of doing this but basically this is an aristocratic posture, 

"You ordinary mortals with all your Desires, and all your Involvements are deluded - You Get attached to Things.

But there are a certain minority of Us, Who are above it all. 

And since We've resigned, We're not going to follow This now. " 

This as I say is an artistocratic, [be aware]  that it may be aristocratic in two ways : 

There's the aristocracy of the Hindu Sannyasi the people outside and above caste 

and there's also the aristocracy of the actual aristocrat - I get so mixed up with my British and American pronunciation on this - but 

The Aristocrat who comes on with the position of always being bored, who has complete sangfroid, who is imperturbable 

Kaiser Ling's study of this mentality is marvellous in his book of Europe the essay on Hungary portrays the rightly he calls the grand signeur. 

He always identified himself as a type disrobe the grand familia cannot be saved,  who could always be always rise to the occasion under any social circumstances whatsoever, without trying to do so or without apparently trying to do so.

In other words if he goes to the Opera wearing blue jeans he will somehow make it apparent that everybody else is improperly dressed.

This is a very interesting type of person you know there was an essay written by someone whose name I can't remember in the Centennial Review which contrasted the Attitude to Time of the

aristocracy, the bourgeoisie and the proletariat; 

It said The Aristocrat lives in The Past because his ancient forbears have achieved everything and his very by the fact of his birth in his existence he has nothing to strive for and he somehow I never need overdo it - he's always cool.

The Bourgeois on the other hand feels that it's necessary to arrive 

and he's always striving for The Future

Whereas the aristocrat lives in  The Past, on the other hand, 
The Proletarian lives in The Present because he doesn't care about his reputation, and he just lives.

And so of the three bourgeois The Sucker 

because the formula is always cheated because, well, it's going to come someday, see, you're going to get it - even your money when you pull it out of your pocket,  there says on it 

"Promise to Pay" 

- watch out for that!

It's poverty and the bourgeoisie use the news on from the whole the whole economy is the United States being the great bourgeois country is in a state of expectancy of feeling happy, not on what you have but on what is going to come 

The Aristocrat is happy on what has happened, these great achievements of the past mean there's nothing left to do except sort of glory in it.

The Proletarian wants it right now, see and they often get it; 

About the poor bourgeois, my uncle once said 

The Poor have it given them 

The Rich have it anyway so 

The Middle Classes do without

So both the aristocrats and the sannyasi have resigned.

Now, the more interesting of the two types is Acosta Sonia who Resigns From The World Game, let me review for you the role of the sannyasin in Indian culture you know there are four castes because 

The Priests or Brahmins  

The Caste of Warriors and Rulers called Kshatriya  

The Caste of Merchants called Vasia  

and The Caste of Workers called Shudra 

And to belong to a caste means that you are in  the state called grihastha, which is 'Householder' that is to say you are One Who is Involved in The World, you are engaged in what is called loca Sandra and loca means The Well, Sandra, upholding, upholding the going on of The Great Illusion and so you are playing for money for position for status, for success and hoping above all that you could win - You can beat The Game.

But it's supposed in the same Culture that every Man who attains the age of 45 or so, who has now a grown son to take over his work, will quit the game, will resign and so, when you come to be at age you're supposed to move from the state of grihastha, 'Householder' to vanaprastha which means 'Forest Dweller'.

You Give Away All Your Possessions 

to Your Son, 

You Change Your Name, 

You Take off All Your Clothes and Go More or Less Naked, 

because you have  

Abandoned Status.

So in spite of the fact that he has no status, he is however respected in the culture for being an Upper Outcast, whereas The Aborigines of the Indian Peninsula are Untouchables, The Lower Outcast and The Upper Outcast always mimics The Lower.

For example Buddha had his disciple wear ochre robes, because ochre robes were worn by convicts. 

So in the same way if today, in San Quentin, they all wear blue jeans with special kind pants and a kind of a blue denim jacket and this could well become the uniform of a new kind of sannyasi in The Western World 

and to some extent this is happening.

So this guy says 

"The Game is Not Worth The Cap, 
The Richer I Get, The More Miserable I Get"

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems.

You know how this is, you think that your problems may be monitored and you get more money.

What do you do then we've got enough money, you start worrying about your health and you can never never stop worrying about that 

Or if you're not worried about your health you worry about politics, if somebody's going to take your money away from you, worried about taxes, about Who's Cheating You.

And so a person who goes through all that he's finally 

"I don't think The Game's worth it, 

I'm going to resign."

And so Resignation or Renunciation --

 

The difference from Repentance is that it hasn't got the same kind of passion in The Resolve, that 

 

The Repentant Person Feels He's Wrong,  

Who Made a Mistake, Has Committed Sin 

and  

Wants to Get Better 

 

about the renounce first didn't concerns of that country he knows that better progress whether moral or material is an illusion and you have to understand this when you approach for example the study of Buddhism I think one of the most withering remarks I ever heard, from an oriental, he was Japanese he said once he was 

"Never forget that whereas Jesus was the Son of a Carpenter, Buddha was the son of a King" 

You know Wow! Take that! 

And it's choose it is something always about about that this is not the this is easy to see which Christianity historically was the protest of the slave class again if the Roman, establishment Buddhism was different it was the abandonment of position by an aristocracy  - 

 

That 

'We've done it. We've seen it all we've had it so now we check out and We will be therefore we will resign from all games' 

 

and if you follow this attitude to an extreme you're going to make because it all goes to the centre the same discovery that is made by the person who follows repentance to an extreme.

Just as The Repentant Person discovers that his contrition is phony, The Person Who Tries to Resign 

Will Discover That He Can't, that  -

There is no way of not playing games 

Let's go a little bit then into this Game Theory there are a lot of games that we play and not only the game of 
Can I get One Up on The Universe,  of Pretending That I'm me This Ego, With Its

Name and Its Role, The Man, 

but also we have what I call meta-games, for example the game 

My Games Better Than Your Game,

or The Game 

"I Won't Play With You Because Your Game is Vulgar, Stupid, Banal, Inferior or Whatever." 

One of the most, therefore, effective games in saying My Game is Better Than Your Game is that 

I'm Not Playing Games At All.

You are now at the lowest level we find that in the form of :

You're Not Sincere, I am Sincere 

You are Fooling, I'm not Fooling You and Being Honest with You 

Now, that's a great game and of Resignation is a form of it as to say you are children claim with toys and you haven't ever really woken up to the important concerns of life you haven't reached the dimension of ultimate sincerity all, that is to say Ultimate Reality, and in order to reach it you have to 
Resign from Distractions 

You hear a great deal in the literature about meditation of getting rid of distractions wandering for well I you might ask when you think about all that what are wandering for what are wrong for what shouldn't I be doing with my mind, well they all say actually every day you think about this and then you think about that in your thoughts run on in an undisciplined way from one association to another and you can't keep your mind fully on the job or whatever so you see, you're supposed to announce that because -

 

That's True Reality, all those wandering thoughts they're not about the importance now, What's Important, What should you keep your mind on well, something just as long as you keep your mind on it.

In an instruction one of the Buddhist scriptures says about concentration, 

When they concentrate on a yellow square on the ground, on the burning tip of an incense stick, on your navel, on the tip of your nose on the, centre between the eyes, or anything.

And then the footnote The Commentator adds  

"But not on any wicked thing." 

As you know that commentators the world over, they never have any [sense of humour].

So anything will do just so long as you keep your mind on it, and don't wander, stick to it, so 

 Wandering is Involvement in Games,

by this kind of definition, so then you try to get out can you now get out can you stop competing with other human beings 

In ancient Greek society there was a place in the center of the community called the argon A-R-G-O-N and this was a place for contests where they had wrestling matches and other athletic events because all the men were constantly trying to show who was the better and from this were the agonyax which means these the contest itself held in the argon we get our word agony, the struggle and striving to be superior and a lot of people that you meet among you,  you will recognize this among your friends all the time are not happy unless they are involved in the contest it doesn't matter what it is, so long as they're trying to beat something they're  happy 

And you may say over everything 

“You know can't we just sit around and talk instead of having to play a game, or bet or do something to prove who's the stronger...?" 

I was married to a girl who never was happy unless she was engaged in some kind of combat, when of course I had a game, it didn't look like one,  and so it was a very superior game just because it didn't look like one,  but it was a form of the game, my games that renews so you can't really not-play, you may go through the motions of not playing, but you still are.