The Fives are Always Outliers

FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT

Opening shot of a clock on the wall: 7:05. The camera pans down to Donna

and Josh walking through.

DONNA

They got to start the poll, Josh. It's 7:05.

JOSH

It's ten to seven.

DONNA

No, it's really not.

JOSH

It's 7:05?

DONNA

Yeah.

JOSH

That's ridiculous.

DONNA

I'm not making it up.

JOSH

My watch says ten to seven.

DONNA

That's 'cause your watch sucks.

JOSH

My watch is fine.

DONNA

Your watch says ten to seven.

JOSH

How do I know it isn't ten to seven?

DONNA

'Cause those large clocks on the wall that are run by the U.S. Navy, say your watch sucks. In fact, they say your watch sucks in four different time zones.

Josh and Donna pass by C.J.'S OFFICE. 

Toby is razzing C.J.

TOBY

Question six is asymmetrical.

C.J.

Question six is fine.

TOBY

"Would you say things in this country are going in the right direction or do you think they've gotten off on the wrong track?"

Josh and Donna double back to C.J.'S office and stand at the door.

JOSH

He's got a good point about this.

C.J.

No, he doesn't.

DONNA

Guys, you know it's five after seven.

TOBY

Should be right direction or wrong direction.

C.J.

Toby.

TOBY

Direction and track are two different words!

C.J.

Thank you, Funk and Wagnall's.

They all leave C.J.'s office. 

Bonnie and Ginger are with them.

TOBY

What'd she call me?

GINGER

Funk and Wagnall's. 

They make the dictionary.

TOBY

I know who Funk and Wagnall's are.

BONNIE

They why'd you ask her?

Everyone starts heading out into the HALLWAY.

DONNA

Guys, it's five after seven.

TOBY

The question is asymmetrical.

C.J.

That may be so, but the question originated 2 decades ago and has proven to

be a consistent predictor of a voter's potential behavior. So it stays the way

it is.

JOSH

I have a problem with fourteen.

C.J.

What's your problem?

JOSH

"When making policy decisions, do you think that President Bartlet puts the needs of average people first?" 

"Average people" is a pejorative phrase and occurs about six times in the polling model.

C.J.

This may come as a shock to you, but 80% of the people in this country would use the word "average" to describe themselves. 

They do not find the term deprecating. 

Indeed, being considered an "average American" is something they find to be positive and comforting.

They all walk into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Leo, Larry, Ed and several other staffers are inside. Leo is reading a piece of paper. Toby sits next to him.

LEO

C.J.

C.J.

Yes.

LEO

[reads] 

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me."

C.J.

Leo, we went over this.

TOBY

We need to talk about the asymmetry of question six.

C.J.

We really don't.

TOBY

Since when are you an expert on language?

C.J.

In polling models?

TOBY

Okay.

C.J.

1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?

TOBY

Since long before that.

LEO

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me. Agree or disagree?"

C.J.

Again, we went over this.

LEO

Can't "people like me", when read off the script, be taken to mean people

like the

interviewer?

ED

When we ask that question, we usually say, "People like yourself."

LARRY

Or "people like you."

ED

I've seen it both ways.

LEO

Fellas.

LARRY

"Yourself" is a little softer.

ED

And softer is bad?

LARRY

Softer is better.

LEO

But the point is....

C.J.

The respondent isn't confused by the question and separating the respondent

from the

interviewer with "people like yourself" is pejorative. So, Ed, Larry, you

can take this

up with Josh. Leo, Eastern Standard Time is sitting down to dinner. The poll

is fine.

JOSH

It's an important poll, C.J.

C.J.

I'm aware of its importance. I'm also aware that if we don't start the phone

banks

right now, I might not have enough time to leak the internals to media

outlets before

we hit the weekend.

TOBY

There's still the matter...

C.J.

So, it turns out that over the last 3 weeks we managed to climb out of the

hole, only

we can't tell anybody about it 'til Monday, cause we stood here all night

arguing about

asymmetry! [sighs] It's time.

LEO

Anybody want to make a prediction?

ED

We'll hold at 42% job approval.

LARRY

We'll hold steady.

JOSH

I'll be happy if we hold steady.

TOBY

We'll drop a few points, but it'll be inside the plus or minus.

LEO

C.J.?

C.J.

We're going to go up five points.

LEO

The President thinks we're going to hold steady.

C.J.

The President is wrong.

LEO

You think?

C.J.

Yes.

LEO

Let's find out. Toby, tell Sam to start the banks.

Toby picks up the phone and pushes a button.

CUT TO: INT. PHONE BANKS - NIGHT

Sam and Mandy are standing wait. Sam's cell phone rings.

SAM

[into phone] Sam Seaborn... Okay. [to Mandy] Let's get our report card.

Mandy walks inside the phone bank area.

MANDY

Okay! Here we go!

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.

END TEASER

* * *

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Leo is on his couch working. Margaret enters and shuts the door.

MARGARET

Leo.

LEO

Yeah?

MARGARET

C.J.'s here.

LEO

Okay.

MARGARET

Want to hear a joke?

LEO

[looks up] Uh... Okay.

MARGARET

You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?

LEO

Why?

MARGARET

'Cause in France, one egg is an 'oeuf.' 

[beat] 

Okay, C.J.'s here.

LEO

Okay.

Leo looks warily puzzled at Margaret as she leaves. C.J. comes in.

C.J.

Hi.

LEO

Hey.

C.J.

The lid is on.

LEO

You told me.

C.J.

Hmm?

LEO

You called me an hour ago and told me it was a full lid.

C.J.

Yeah... I'm going to the phone banks to check in with the poll.

LEO

Okay.

C.J.

Leo, this is a small thing and I hate to bring it up.

LEO

What?

C.J.

I was in with the President this morning, AND he mentioned that you told him that when you asked for predictions, everyone said we'd hold steady at 42.

LEO

Yeah?

C.J.

But, I didn't say that. 

I said we'd go up five points.

LEO

I meant in general, on average.

C.J.

Yeah.

LEO

C.J., like lopping off the score from the East German judge.

C.J.

Leo, it wasn't woman's intuition. 

I think it's strange....

LEO

Don't read too much into it.

C.J.

I'm saying its strange my take wasn't...

LEO

I'm saying don't read too much into it.

[beat] 

All right?

C.J.

Okay.

LEO

Anything else?

C.J.

No, I'm going to check the phone banks

***

Another long silence.

BARTLET

What kind of briefcase did you get her, Sam?

SAM

Sir?

BARTLET

What kind of briefcase?

SAM

Coach Beekman in British tan with brass hardware.

BARTLET

That's nice.

SAM

Yes, sir.

BARTLET

Andare makes a nice model. 

Comes in black or brown, hand stained, fit a laptop, notebooks, the works.

TOBY

This conversation is surreal.

BARTLET

Trieste in Milan makes a nice briefcase.

C.J. quietly enters with an envelope in her hands and makes her way across the room to

Bartlet.

C.J.

Good evening, Mr. President. The full polling book is 400 pages long and it's still being put together. I have the top sheet results.

LEO

What does it say?

C.J.

I was wrong. 

We went up nine points.

C.J. smiles. Leo smiles and starts to laugh, but catches himself. There are

smiles all around.

BARTLET

Okay, what's next?

CAPS

CJ.circulates around the room. Danny approaches C.J.

DANNY

C.J., look....

C.J.

Yeah. You're not going to want to miss this.

The crowd applauds again.

REPORTER

C.J., what is this? What's going on in there?

C.J.

The President's going to throw his cap over the wall.

REPORTER

What does that mean?

C.J.

You're about to find out.

CUT TO: THE PODIUM - CONTINUOUS

BARTLET

My Father was very fond of the analogy of the Irish lads whose journey was blocked by a brick wall, seemingly too high to scale. Throwing their caps over the wall, the lads had no choice but to follow. 

How many times in the great history of our country have we come to a wall seemingly too high to scale only to throw our caps to the other side?

FADE TO: INT. A DARK ROOM - NIGHT

The Senate Majority Leader is inside with his staff. Steve Onorato is watching Bartlet from a TV screen.

SENATOR

This was given to me by a constituent who read in Time Magazine that I like Cognac.

The problem is, that this is Brandy and not Cognac. Anyone know the

difference?

ONORATO

Senator?

SECRETARY

The Cognac is supposed to come from the...

SENATOR

...The Cognac region of France. That's right.

ONORATO

Senator?

SENATOR

Steve, sit down with us over here, would you? The man's not going to say anything we're interested in.

ONORATO

I think he is.

SENATOR

What are you talking about?

ONORATO

Listen.

BARTLET

[on T.V.] Tomorrow... tomorrow morning, we're going to begin to change the way elections are supervised in this country.

ONORATO

He's going to name two finance reformers to the F.E.C.

SENATOR

What the hell are you talking about?

ONORATO

Listen.

SENATOR

You said it wasn't going to happen.

ONORATO

I was wrong.

SENATOR

You were wrong?

ONORATO

He's going to name... damn it! Somebody....

SECRETARY

John Bacon...

ONORATO

John Bacon and Patty Calhoun.

SENATOR

You told him, they take on campaign finance reform, I roll out a legislative agenda that'll make his boss sit down and cry.

ONORATO

I made it very clear.

BARTLET

[on T.V.] I am proud to nominate John Branford Bacon and Patricia Calhoun to the Federal Election Commission.

SENATOR

Get him on the phone.

SECRETARY

Who?

SENATOR

Josh Lyman. Get him on the phone. I'm going to reach down his throat and take out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop.

CUT TO: INT. SHERATON HOTEL/MONITOR AREA - NIGHT

Josh, Toby, and Sam are all decked out in tuxes.

SAM

You're about to get a call.

JOSH

Yeah.

SAM

Big call.

JOSH

Yeah.

SAM

Powerful guy.

JOSH

Yeah.

SAM

I'm just saying you're probably rocked back from your meeting last week.

JOSH

A little.

SAM

They threatened you with a legislative agenda.

JOSH

Yeah.

SAM

They made you feel powerless and you're a little off your game.

JOSH

Yeah.

SAM

A little gun shy.

In the background, a phone rings. Toby had sidled up by Sam.

TOBY

Leave him alone.

SAM

I'm bucking him up.

TOBY

Leave him alone.

SAM

You asked me to buck him up.

TOBY

Now, I'm telling you to leave him alone.

JOSH

Guys, I'm trying to watch this speech.

DONNA

Josh.

JOSH

The call?

DONNA

On the cell. [hands him the cell phone]

TOBY

Josh, if you need us, we're standing right here.

Josh turns away to answer the call.

JOSH

[into phone] Hi, Senator. Why don't you take your legislative agenda and shove it up your ass.

He closes the phone as the crowd applauds again. He turns back to everyone.

JOSH

Turns out I was fine.

He tosses phone to Donna, who catches it as we--

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.

END TEASER

* * *

The Conscience of The King

FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY

Leo and Fitzwallace are sitting across from each other.

LEO

This is always when you say something.

FITZWALLACE

Nah. Have you changed shampoo? 
You have, I can tell.

LEO

I like to look good for you.

FITZWALLACE

Well, I appreciate it. 
Can you tell when its Peacetime and Wartime anymore?

LEO

No.

FITZWALLCE

I don't know who The World's leading expert on warfare is, but any list of The Top 10 has got to include me, and I can't tell when it's Peacetime and Wartime anymore.

LEO

Look, International Law has always recognized certain protected person's who you couldn't attack. 
It's been this way since the Romans.

FITZWALLACE

In peacetime.

LEO

Yes.

FITZWALLACE

At the Battle of Agincourt, this was The French fighting against The British archers, this was like a polo match. 

The battles were observed by heralds 
and they picked the winners.

And if a soldier laid down his arms, he was treated humanely.

LEO

Yeah.

FITZWALLACE

And the International Laws that you're talking about, 
this is when a lot of them were written. 

At a time and in a place, 
where a person could tell between peacetime and wartime.

The idea of targeting one person was ridiculous. 

It wouldn't have occurred to The French 
to try to kill William Pitt.

That is absolute  bollocks, Sorkin, 
because the American Transatlantic Merchant Shipping Lobby did in-actual-fact, have
and I am compelled and 

That all changed after Pearl Harbor.

LEO

I don't like where this conversation's going.

FITZWALLACE

Leo.

LEO

In the Situation Room, Fitz?

FITZWALLACE

We killed Yamamoto. 
We shot down his plane.

LEO

We declared war.

FITZWALLACE

If Dietrich Bonhoeffer had been successful...

LEO

And the plot to kill Hitler was an internal rebellion.

FITZWALLACE

...there would've been statues built of an assassin. 
We'd have to explain that to our kids.

LEO

I'm going to get back to the office.

FITZWALLACE

We measure the success of a mission by two things: 
Was it successful? 
and 
How few civilians did we hurt? 

They measure success by how many. 

Pregnant women are delivering bombs. 

You're talking to me about International Laws? 

The Laws of Nature don't even apply here. 

I've been a soldier for 38 years. 
And I found an Enemy I can Kill. 

He can't cancel Shareef's trip, Leo.

You've got to tell him he can't cancel it.

CUT TO: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - DAY

Bartlet is in another session with the psychiatrist, Dr. Stanley Keyworth.

BARTLET

It's "The War of the Roses." 
All the Henrys, and all the Richards, for that matter.

STANLEY

In some kind of condensed form?

BARTLET

Yeah.

STANLEY

'Cause you'd be there for weeks, right, if...?

BARTLET

Yeah. 
There's also singing.

STANLEY

Oh, it's a musical?

BARTLET

No, but they're gonna sing from time to time, 
and one of the songs is a song I love. 

I can't think of the name now, 
but it's an Edwardian... 
It always reminds me... 

It makes me think of college, like, I don't know, 
like they should be singing it in the dining 

hall at Christ College at Cambridge. 

The chorus is, 
"And victorious in war shall be made 

glorious in peace."

I was just singing it this morning.

A moment of silence.

STANLEY

How have you been sleeping?

BARTLET

Good. Yeah.
 Let me ask you something. 
Is there a crime, which if it wasn't illegal, you would do?

STANLEY

I'd park anywhere I want.

BARTLET

Right, but you wouldn't rob a bank?

STANLEY

No.

BARTLET

Connecticut had a law prohibiting the use of contraceptives. 
It was written out of rage against adultery. 

But in the age of AIDS, don't Connecticut residents do more for The General Welfare by flagrantly breaking the law?

STANLEY

There was a law against... contraceptives?

BARTLET

Yeah.

STANLEY

Can I ask, sir, how somebody used to get caught?

BARTLET

Stanley...

STANLEY

What's on your mind, Mr. President?

BARTLET

I can't tell you.

STANLEY

Yeah, but you can.

Bartlet pauses, looks away and thinks.

BARTLET

No, I really can't. It's high security. 
To say nothing of... [sighs heavily]

STANLEY

To say nothing of what?

BARTLET

If I tell you I intend to commit a crime, you're required by law to report it. [beat] 

I have a strange meeting coming up. [beat] 

I'm gonna go. It's good seeing you.

Bartlet stands, grabs his jacket, and leaves Stanley inside.

FADE OUT.

END ACT ONE

* * *

This shows the ending sequence of West Wing season 3 finale, Posse Comitatus, where Sorkin's fictional War of the Roses play performs the Patriotic Song (written by composer Stephen Oliver) against the backdrop of the assassination of Abdul Shareef. You will then see the rare version of the song, performed by the RSC, from a 1982 production of the Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby. For those fellow West Wing fans/nerds, the actor Roger Rees (who also played Lord John Marbury) leads the cast....

What was the music that the Shakespeare company was singing at the end in "Posse Comitatus"?

Mel Kirby tells us "the song sung by the supposed Shakespeare Company at the end of the segment of the 'Wars of the Roses' being watched on Broadway by Pres. Bartlett is called 'Patriotic Chorus' by Stephen Oliver. 

It was originally composed as the Finale of the mock-Victorian revisionist 'Romeo and Juliet' which closes Part One of the 9 hour-long, 1983 Royal Shakespeare Company production of Dickens 'The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickelby' which was an actual hit in London's West End and on Broadway in the early 80's. 

One would assume that the RSC and 'endlessly long', high-brow nature of both plays would have created the intellectual resonance for Sorkin. 

And the originally tongue-in-cheek words and tune, a send-up of typical Victorian xenophobia, have a certain irony as played over the assassination of the Qumari defense minister."

Mel Kirby also sent us the following Lyrics:

"England arise! Join in the chorus!
It is a new made song you should be singing.
See in the skies, flutt'ring before us
what the bright bird of peace is bringing!  

Chorus:
    See upon our smiling land
    where the wealths of nations stand
    where prosperity and industry walk
    ever hand in hand.
    Where so many blessings crowd,
     'tis our duty to be proud.
    Up and answer, English Yeoman,
    sing it joyfully aloud.  

    Evermore upon our country
    God will pour his rich increase,
    And victorious in war shall be made glorious in peace,
    And victorious in war shall be made glorious in peace.

this verse omitted on West Wing

[ See each one do what he can to further God's almighty plan.
The benificence of heaven help the skilfulness of man.
Ev'ry garner fill'd with grain, Ev'ry meadow blest with rain:
Rich and fertile is the golden corn that bear and bears again.]

Where so many blessings crowd,
'Tis our duty to be proud.
Up and answer, fellow Britons,
sing it joyfully aloud.

Evermore upon our country
God will pour his rich increase...etc."p