When The Network went down,
it triggered some kind of pulse, wiped out all our technology
and sent us here —
Back to The Dark Ages.
There were casualties, of course.
I knew a few of them.
Some guy from work,
my cousin Paul,
Gary's mum.
Nobody really knew how many we lost,
because we never heard from The Rest of The World again.
Everyone got cut off.
It isn't easy now,
but it is simpler.
Arthur, King of the Britons :
Oh, Don't Grovel...!!
If there's one thing I can't stand,
it's people groveling.
Sorry.
And Don't Apologise..!!
Every time I talk to someone it's
"Sorry..." this, and,
"Forgive me...!!" that,
and,
"I'm not worthy...!!"
What are you doing now?
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.
Well, Don't.
It's like those miserable psalms,
they're so depressing.
Now, knock it off!
Yes, Lord.
Right.
Arthur, King of The Britons --
Your Knights of The Round Table
shall have A Task to make them an example
in These Dark Times.
Good idea, O Lord!
'COURSE it's a GOOD IDEA..!!
Behold, Arthur --
This is The Holy Grail.
Look well, Arthur, for it is Your Sacred Task
to seek This Grail.
That is Your Purpose, Arthur :
The Quest for The Holy Grail.
Ever had one of those nights
that starts out like any other,
but ends up being the best night of your life?
It was June the 22nd, 1990, our final day of school.
There was
Oliver Chamberlain, Peter Page,
Steven Prince, Andy Knightley and me.
They called me The King.
Because My Name's Gary King.
Ollie was funny, he fancied himself as a bit of a player,
but really, he was all mouth.
We called him O-Man because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a six.
He loved it.
Pete was the baby of the group.
He wasn't the kind of kid we'd usually hang outwith, but he was good for a laugh.
And he was absolutely minted.
Steve was a pretty cool guy.
We jammed together, chased the girls.
I think he saw us as rivals.
(CHUCKLES)
Sweet, really.
And Andy. Andy was my wingman.
The one guy I could rely on to back me up.
He loved me, and I'm not being funny, but I loved him, too.
There was nothing we were gonna miss about school.
Maybe Mr. Shepherd.
He was definitely one of the good guys.
He used to ask me what I wanted to do with my life.
I told him I just wanted to have a good time.
He thought that was funny.
It wasn't meant to be.
Not that night.
Newton Haven was our hometown.
Our playground, our universe.
And that night it was the site of a heroic quest.
The aim?
To conquer The Golden Mile.
Twelve pubs along a legendary path
of alcoholic indulgence.
There was
The First Post, The Old Familiar
The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands
The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant
The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid
The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall...
All before reaching Our Destiny --
The World's End.
We took my car into town.
I called it The Beast because she was pretty hairy.
And so, Our Journey into Manhood began.
(RINGS DOORBELL)
We were off. We didn't waste any time.
We hit pub one and we hit it hard.
There was drinking, there was fun, there was controversy, there were ladies, there were shots, there was drama,and of course,
there was drinking.
By pub five, we were feeling invincible
and decided to purchase some herbal refreshment
from a man we called The Reverend Green.
Pint six put O-Man out of commission, so we carried on without him.
Good thing, I bumped into his sister in the next pub,
we went into the disableds and I bumped into her again.
Sam tagged along for a while, but then I had to let her go.
I had another date that night and her name was Amber.
Nine pints in and it was us against the world.
Things got mental in The Beehive,
so we repaired to the bowls club
or as we liked to call it, The Smokehouse,
which is when it all went fuck-up.
Everyone got para and Pete chucked a whitey,
so we had to bench him.
In the end, we blew off the last three pubs
and headed for the hills.
I remember sitting up there,
blood on my knuckles,
beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes,
seeing the orange glow of a new dawn break
and knowing in my heart,
Life would never feel this good again.
And you know what?
(CHUCKLES)
It NEVER did.
A.A. GROUP LEADER :
Thank you, Gary.
That was very enlightening.
Would anyone like to add anything
or maybe challenge Gary?
Anonymous Fellow Sufferer
(In Recovery) :
Are you disappointed?
The King :
About what?
Anonymous Fellow Sufferer
(In Recovery) :
That you didn't make it to
The World's End?
The King :
( Long, ENORMOUS Pregnant Pause -- )
.....No.
PASTOR :
Just what is it that you want to do?
PETER FONDA :
We Wanna Be Free!
We Wanna Be Free, t'Do What We Wanna do!
And We Wanna get Loaded --
and We Wanna Have a Good Time.
And that's what we're gonna do.
We're going to have a Good Time.
We're gonna have A Party.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Please, stand by.
Please, stand by.
Please, stand by.
Please, stand by.
Ah!
What are you doing?
No, don't go out there.
THE new:
Gary King.
Yeah?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Gary, King of the humans.
Yeah. What do you want?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We are here to enable your full potential,
as we have with countless worlds across the galaxy.
Oh, yeah? How'd you manage that, then?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We appropriate a small percentage of the population
at 2,000 or so penetration points across the planet.
This ensures maximum coverage.
From there, we create simulants to spread our ideologies
through peaceful indoctrination.
Our objective is simple, to ready the population
for participation in our galactic community.
This method requires a small sacrifice.
But the fewer replacements we make,
the more successful we consider our operation.
Of course, we welcome those who volunteer themselves.
We can offer attractive incentives for those who willingly combine.
The chance to be young again and yet retain selected memories.
Isn't that something you'd like?
Something you've always wanted?
(GASPS)
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Oh, my God!
I'm so cute!
Gary, The Boy King,
of The Human Race :
The beauty of our system is that we all win.
There are no losers.
Allow me to carry your legend forward.
Let the man you have become be the boy you were.
(CHUCKLES)
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Nah. (GRUNTS)
There's only one Gary King.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Then you have made your choice, Gary King of the humans.
Yeah, I have.
Because frankly, who the fuck are you to come down here and tell us what to do?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We are The Network and we are here for your betterment.
In the last 23 years, have you not marveled as information technology has surged forward?
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
No.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Earth has grown smaller yet greater as connectivity has grown.
This is our doing and it is just the beginning.
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Oh, fuck off, you big lamp.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You are children and you require guidance.
There is no room for imperfection.
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Hey, Earth isn't perfect, all right? And humans aren't perfect.
And guess what? I ain't perfect.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
And therein lies the necessity for this intervention.
Must the galaxy be subjected to an entire planet of people like you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who put you in charge, huh?
Who are you to criticize anyone?
Now, you might think Gary's a bit of a cock,
and he is a bit of a cock, but he's my cock.
Oh, thanks, man.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
But he is a detriment to himself,
just as Earth is a detriment to the galaxy.
What did you say?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You act out the same cycles of self-destruction again and again.
At this point your planet is the least civilized in the entire galaxy.
What did he say?
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
He's saying we're a bunch of fuck-ups.
Hey, it's our basic human right to be fuck-ups.
This civilization was founded on fuck-ups.
And you know what?
That makes me proud.
And me!
What is it they say?
"To err is..."
"To err is human."
"To err is human," so, uh...
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We do not believe you speak for all humanity.
You are but two men. Two drunk men.
Lancelot :
Three drunk men!
BOTH: Stevie-baby!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Enough! Enough, humans!
Oh, you are in trouble now. It's only the fucking Three Musketeers.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You are revolting against the wisdom of countless solar systems.
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Yeah, we are revolting!
You just said you're not here to conquer.
Can I just ask,
how many people did you have to replace in Newton Haven?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
That is irrelevant.
Is it?
Hands up. Who here is human?
I'm human. One!
And me. That's two.
I am. But don't know for how long.
ALL: Basil! Shh...
So what's that? Three? You had to replace an entire town?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Not the entire town.
Everybody apart from old Nutbowl and the Shifty twins.
That's a good name for a band, Gary.
You should write that down.
I will.
What about the ones you replaced,
like Peter and Oliver?
Yeah, what happened to the empties?
BASIL:
I told you not to ask that!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Redundant vessels are recycled,
mulched and converted into fertilizer,
whereupon they are returned to the earth
to promote verdancy and growth.
It is a highly efficient means of organic renewal.
Mulched?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
It is a relative few in light of our long-term plan.
You mean a few hundred thousand turned to fucking compost?
What about the other places? The penetration points.
(WHISTLES) (BOTH GIGGLE)
Are they as successful as Newton Haven?
Because I'm guessing we're not the only glitch in your system.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
It is true, The Network has been experiencing some difficulties.
I think you bit off more than you can chew with Earth, mate.
Yeah, 'cause we are more belligerent, more stubborn
and more idiotic than you can possibly imagine,
and I am not just talking about Gary.
Yeah, there's more than one Gary King.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
But you said...
I fucking know what I fucking said!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Your reliance on profanity is a measure of your immaturity as a man and a species.
Why don't you just get in your rocket and fuck off back to Legoland, you cunts!
Yeah! Stop fucking Starbucking us, man! Yeah!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
It is our duty to challenge you.
Just leave us to our own devices, you intergalactic arseholes.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You misunderstand.
Shut up!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We are trying...
Nobody's listening!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
If you'd only...
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Face it, we are the human race and we don't like being told what to do.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Just what is it that you want to do?
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
We want to be free!
Yeah.
We want to be free to do what we want to do!
Yeah.
We want to get loaded.
Yeah.
And we want to have a good time.
And that's what we're going to do.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
It is pointless arguing with you.
You will be left to your own devices.
Gary King,
of The Human Race :
Really?
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Yeah.
Fuck it.
They fucked off.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Up yours! Up yours! Up yours!
Yeah, we did it! We won, we won!
(LAUGHING)
Gary, let's Boo-Boo.
Yeah, it's shit here, innit?
Oi, up here!
Go!
Get up.
Come on!
Well done.
Thanks a bunch. Had to go and spoil it, didn't you?
Yeah, happy now?
Basil, what do we do now?
Same as before.
Go!
Where's The Beast?
The Beast is dead, mate.
You know what... You know what's really annoying?
What?
I promised myself I wouldn't die in this town.
You're not gonna.
I think our luck just changed.
(HORN HONKING) Whoo-hoo!
Oh!
SAM:
Sorry!
Sam? Yes.
You came back for us!
Yes, I did. Well, I got lost on the ring road. But, yes.
Hi, Sam, could you give us a lift to London, please?
Did you find out what happened to my brother?
We'll tell you on the way.
Sorry about the mess. I've been meaning to clear that up.
We forgive you. Let's go.
Which way?
Backwards!
Which way now?
Go straight over!
(ALL SCREAMING)
We can make it.
We're gonna make it.
We made it!
(ALL COUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
The World's End (2013) Ending Scene
I'm sorry.
I know.
I know.
Everyone remembers where they were
when the lights went out on Planet Earth.
Me, Gary, Steven and Sam,
we were standing right by the switch.
I guess it was a big night for everyone.
That morning gave a whole new meaning to the word
"hangover".
We decided to walk it off, all the way back to London,
but the headache didn't end there.
It just went on and on.
Talk about the Big Smoke.
When The Network went down,
it triggered some kind of pulse, wiped out all our technology
and sent us here,
Back to The Dark Ages.
There were casualties, of course.
I knew a few of them.
Some guy from work, my cousin Paul, Gary's mum.
Nobody really knew how many we lost,
because we never heard from The Rest of The World again.
Everyone got cut off.
It isn't easy now, but it is simpler.
I'm back with the wife, which is something.
We decided our problems didn't seem as bad in the grand scheme of things.
We all had to go organic in a big way, but if I'm honest,
I'm hard pressed to recall any processed foods I actually miss.
As for the blanks, well, a funny thing happened there.
They woke up.
A week or so after The Network pulled out,
they just sort of rebooted by themselves,
tried to start afresh.
They seemed lost at first,
children cut off from their parents,
abandoned, forgotten, looking for guidance,
for someone to show them The Way.
I felt a bit sorry for them, to be honest.
The Network was right about one thing.
We can be a bit uncivilized.
Maybe we would've been a bad influence on the rest of the galaxy.
Oliver went back to being an estate agent.
People still need a roof over their heads,
and The Old Ollie always had a gift for the gab.
I guess the new one has, too.
(CHUCKLES)
He's doing all right.
I hear that The Peter found his way home to Bishop's Gardens.
I suppose he picked up where the other one left off.
I'm not sure his wife noticed.
Maybe she chose not to.
He's a pretty good dad by all accounts.
Steven and Sam got together in the end.
Didn't see that coming.
They shacked up just outside London.
It's a pretty nice shack, too.
As for Gary? I don't know what happened to Gary.
We got separated and I never saw him again.
Some say he went back to Newton Haven. I don't know why.
I think his business there was done.
It's funny, but I miss him.
I wonder if he misses me. Misses the boys.
Wherever he is, I hope he's happy.
That's all he ever wanted, really.
To have a good time.
I just hope he found it beyond the bottom of a glass.
Because real happiness, real friends,
Those are things worth living for,
worth fighting for.
Blank bastards.
Fucking robots.
Gary, King of The Humans :
Five waters, please.
Innkeeper :
You can have one.
But I ain't serving this scum.
Gary, King of The Humans :
Well, I'm afraid it's all for one and one for all.
You see, my young friends and I are on an adventure.
A Quest, if you will.
And since we find ourselves in need of refreshment,
you, sir, have The Honour of Drawing First Blood.
So, I'll ask you again,
For the last time --
FIVE WATERS, PLEASE.
Innkeeper :
Who the hell do you think you are?
Gary, King of The Humans :
Me? They call me The King.
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