Tuesday, 1 August 2023

The News














Eddie :

You think that's How it is?


Kevin Spacey (on The Phone) :

Well, as it turns out,

I am free tonight.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Give me about 15 minutes.

Hey, you know, funerals, sex, death.

I'm gonna go out and play.


Kevin Spacey :

You should go to bed, Eddie.

Take Care of Yourself --

Phil would Want You 

to Get Your Rest.


Eddie :

Where do you get the 

goddamn cynicism...

the goddamn scorn 

to Speak His NAME,

let alone Speak FOR Him?


Kevin Spacey :

Eddie, is everything My Fault?


Eddie :

What did you ever do but 

mock him and put him down?



Phil, Speaking through 

Kevin Spacey :

Why don't you relent? I beg you.


Eddie (doesn’t hear it) :

No. You're not saying...

You ever did one good thing for him.

One helpful thing!


Kevin Spacey :

No, Eddie, What I'm Saying is 

that -- unlike You -- 

I never LIED to him.


Eddie :

You never loved him, either.


Kevin Spacey :

Right, Eddie. Good Taste does,

no doubt, deprive me of 

a great many things.


Eddie :

No guts!

No originality! No guts!


Kevin Spacey :

You know you want this goddamn, ultramodern, post-hip, 

fucking comprehensive 

explanation of everything --

by which you uncover 

the preceding events 

which determine

the following events,

but you're NOT 

gonna find it.


Eddie :

Says YOU!


Kevin Spacey :

You Want to Believe that 

if You Do or Don't Do 

certain things now

certain other things 

Will or Won't Happen 

down the road accordingly.


You want to parlay this 

finely tuned circuitry

You've got for a brain 

into some form of 

major participation with 

the divine conglomerate,

but all You're REALLY 

gonna do, is drive yourself 

and everyone around you 

fucking nuts!


Eddie :

I'm trying to level out, all right?

I got to cool out, but not tonight.

Not tonight!

I got a history lecture 

in progress, man.

The loads are humming.

I'm picking up everything.

I got the radar screens in full rotation.

I'm picking up the 

coast-to-coast flights, and 

Phil is sending me messages.


He's got some complaints

you know?

About The Great Beyond.


I got to cut the levels of distortion.

I got to modulate the volume!


Kevin Spacey :

To whatever extent this 

fuckin' torment of yours 

is over what's-her-name, Darlene...

Believe Me, she's not worth it.



Eddie :

That move you made when 

you gave her up for her 

own good... ohh... 

that was genius.


Whatever little prayer 

I had was gone.


She had you down as some form 

of totally unique altruistic 

phenomenon instead of 

the fact that you had 

a low opinion of her 

and all you really wanted 

was to fuck that little bubble-brain Artie brought by for us.


Kevin Spacey :

Yeah. So what?


Eddie :

So you're no better off than me.


Kevin Spacey :

Just slightly.


Eddie :

You have no feelings at all!


Kevin Spacey :

No, Eddie. You know what?

I just don't have

YOUR Feelings.

That's all. I have my own.

And you know what? 

They get me by.


Eddie :

So what kind of Friendship is this?


Kevin Spacey :

Adequate.

Good night.


Eddie :

Something Terrible's 

going on, Mickey.

These are Dark Times.


Kevin Spacey :

You know, people have 

been saying that since 

The Beginning of Time.


Eddie :

You know, forget about it.

That doesn't mean 

“Forget about it”.


Kevin Spacey :

Anyway, it's not Time that's Dark.

It's just YOU, you know?

It's just You!


Fuck you.


Kevin Spacey :

Why don't you wait up for Phil,

why don't you, Eddie?

Wouldn't that be great if Phil

came by to keep you company?

Wouldn't that be great?


I'm sure he will...


Eddie :

Fuck.


THE NEWS :

...Clinton officials hope,

is in how you do it.


The president

is reportedly planning...


a two-step process...

...squad cars, a police van...


and a lifeguard vehicle

were burned by the mob.

...was like a 35-yard penalty.


Now we got to have

a drive going. Big play here...


...Fifty five-year-old mother

Josefa Begillos...

lived downstairs.


Emilio, Angeles,

and his family...

we're talking escape velocity.


The high court

could reach a verdict...

in the next few days.

...complaints

that officers used their...

...human machine Titan.


It took several hours...

and reinforcements

from other departments...

before police restored order.


Plastic angels...

are synonymous...


The Angel :

I ain't mad anymore.

You mad?


See... see my... my bag.


I got a little bit

of everywhere I've been.


See, here's Vermont,

which is a New England state.


And... and there's Florida.

So you can see I hitchhiked...

up and down the 

entire East coast.


Eddie :

I thought you took a plane.


The Angel :

Airplane?

Where would I get The Money?

How you been?


Eddie :

I'm a wreck.


The Angel :

You look a wreck, actually, but...

I didn't wanna be impolite

and mention it.


Eddie :

I don't know what I'm doing.

You know what I mean?


The Angel :

You're in The Pool.


Eddie :

RightI don't know...

when was the last time

I Thought of You...

and in You Walk.

I don't get it.


The Angel :

I'm a surprise is all.


And I don't know what pertains 

to me... and what doesn't.


The Angel :

Everything pertains 

to You, Eddie.


Sure, I mean, This is all

part of The Flow.


You know, of which

We are a part, too...

and everything pertains 

to everything...

one way or another.


See what I mean?


Eddie :

So... How am I supposed

to feel about it?

See, that's what I don't know.


The Angel :

Oh, you have total...

utter, complete Freedom

on that score, Eddie...

because it doesn't make

a bit of difference.


What I Feel doesn't matter?

This Flow Don't Care?


The Angel :

I Don't Think so.


Eddie :

I have so much to figure out.


THE NEWS :

According to authorities,

the killer...

a 12-year-old honor student...

is fascinated with serial killers.


Now, sources close

to the investigation tell us...

the boy admits

to bludgeoning to death...


The Angel :

I mean, There is You...

and there's these other items...

all these other items like Death.


THE NEWS :

They decapitated

and dissected four rodents.


It's all part of a $99 million

research program...

aimed at discovering

the precise effects...

of space travel

on the nervous system.


Eddie :

I mean... How am I supposed 

to feel about that?

I don't know.


The Angel :

See, that's my point.

That's what I'm saying.

So I do know Your Point.


Eddie :

But do they pertain to me?


The Angel :

I was saying to you that they all pertain to You….


As much as they're

a part of Everything, right?


I mean... that's all I'm saying.


Eddie :

Did you know that Phil was dead?


The Angel :

Whoa. What Happened?


Eddie :

He drove his car off Mulholland.


The Angel :

What Happened?


Eddie :

The car crashed.

The funeral was today.


The Angel :

So that's why you're 

such a wreck, Eddie.

You were at the funeral.

That would wreck anybody.

Was it sad?


Eddie :

Everybody's in the suits.

You do the things.

Everybody's there.

Everybody's in line.

All the cars... in a line.


Everybody's in the cars.

You get to the... cemetery...

and... the priest has got

some more to say.


And there's The Hole.

You put him in.


The Angel :

Was it sad?


Eddie :

There was, at the grave...

we were like a...

a bunch of dogs.


And this guy... was singing

with this beautiful voice.


He had this beautiful

high voice.


All alone. No organ or anything.


Just His Voice.


And... the priest could 

have said anything.


Nice things, sad things,

nothing.


And this guy, nobody knew 

who he was...

would sing...


And you couldn't even really 

make out the words even.


You know? You just heard this...

this high... beautiful, sad, sad...


This human sound.


And then everybody just started

crying along with him.


The Angel :

You know something, Eddie?


I didn't really go to all 

the places on my bag.


I actually went out of here North...

towards San Francisco, but...

I got no further than Oxnard.


Eddie :

I know where Oxnard is.


The Angel :

Great.


Eddie :

What's so great about me

knowing where Oxnard is?


The Angel :

It's great when people know

what each other

are talking about.


I mean, isn't that what 

we've been talking about?


The Angel :

So, I'm gonna sleep here...

if you don't mind.

I mean, you got room?


Eddie :

I'm gonna be up for a while.


The Angel :

That's OK.


Eddie :

There's room here on the couch.


The Angel :

Great.


Eddie :

I...


I might never go to sleep again.

I might stay awake forever.


The Angel :

That's OK.


I'm just happy to get off

The Streets at the moment.


The Desperation out there

is paranormal.


You want to fuck me

or anything, Eddie...

before I go to sleep?


Great. Not that I don't want to,

I'm just...sleepy.


Eddie :

You want anything, a Valium?


Good night.

Pleasant dreams.


Friday, 28 July 2023

Wisdom Trippin’




“I go to meet my writer friend Jason Arnopp in the café towards the back of London Road market in Brighton. In an effort to spend less time in the pub, we’ve started experimenting with meeting for lunch in the middle of the day. This new routine is not proving to be much healthier than going to the pub, given the number of greasy fry-ups we now consume. 

Jason is a friendly, open, good-natured soul, which can make the constant references to Satan that pepper his conversation a little surprising. He has a short dark beard and a large ring on his right hand in the shape of the hockey-masked killer from the Friday the 13th movies. He wears a smart jacket over a black T-shirt with a picture of a goat-headed demon on the front. ‘I’ll order you some food,’ I say when he arrives. ‘Do it for Satan,’ he replies, flashing me the devil horns hand symbol. 

Jason is now a horror author, best known for his novel The Last Days of Jack Sparks, but he spent many years writing for the heavy-metal magazine Kerrang! The previous day I had sent Jason a Bandcamp link to a black-metal album called Coditany of Timeness by Dadabots, which was created by a recurrent neural network. 

An AI had been fed the black-metal album Diotima by Krallice and asked to come up with a black-metal album of its own. 

To most people, black metal just sounds like noise

Coditany of Timeness also sounds like noise, so it is easy to pass it off as a successful AI experiment. 

This is where I need Jason’s help

He is an expert in black and death metal, whereas I am not sufficiently knowledgeable about the genre to be confident judging it. 

I ask him if he’s had time to listen to it. ‘I did,’ he tells me. ‘It is bollocks.’ 

This expert view confirmed my suspicions. ‘It just sounds like a cobbled-together bunch of patchy samples from the original,’ he continues. ‘I wonder if these folk are focusing on black metal because they see these genres as devoid of emotion and so easier to replicate? 

That isn’t the case

Black metal’s full of emotion, even if those emotions tend to be very negative, cold or evil. If you listen to the original Krallice album, there’s much more warmth – which is ironic for a black-metal album – and sense of Purpose. 

The machine’s algorithm notably avoids Krallice’s slower moments, perhaps because these are the moments when the singer displays more feeling. 

Music is people doing things for a reason

It’s not just some random patch-quilt of sound.’ 

The egg and chips arrive, and Jason covers his with an unholy amount of pepper. 

In fairness, maybe it’s terrible because the AI involved had only been given one album to work with,’ he says. ‘Much the same would happen if you fed a machine one Justin Bieber album and told it to create pop music. 

Except that everyone would immediately recognise that as terrible, whereas because they used black metal only black-metal fans can be sure this is terrible.

‘Also, one of the tracks is called “Wisdom Trippin’”. 

That is by far the least black-metal song title I’ve ever seen!

 My God, that’s so wrong it’s genius! 
Wisdom Trippin’”!’ 

He breaks down in laughter

The name amuses him greatly. None of this surprises me, because I like to think I have become skilled at recognising what AI can do, and what it fails to do. 

For example, there had been interest in the press about a bot that had been fed all the Harry Potter books, and which had then written its own version. This was called Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash. This had been shared widely around social media, because it was very funny

The bot had produced text like ‘Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry’s ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.’ 

At first glance, this has all the hallmarks of AI-generated text. The text’s algorithmic author has no idea what any of the words mean, but it has a sense of what words should fit together. Each word follows plausibly on from the one before, but the sentence is aimless because the algorithm has nothing to say

That said, it has managed to capture something of the rhythms of J. K. Rowling’s writing, not least her fondness for adjectives. 

A sentence like ‘ “If you two can’t clump together happily, I’m going to get aggressive,confessed the reasonable Hermione’ does have a Rowling-like charm. 

But the more I read, the more suspicious I got. There were sections of text such as ‘ “Voldemort, you’re a very bad and mean wizard,” Harry savagely said. Hermione nodded encouragingly. The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said, “Hermione has forgotten how to dance”, so Hermione dipped his face in mud.’ 

Something about them didn’t seem right. They were too perfect. The text was consistently funny. That is not a skill which AI is capable of. There didn’t seem to be enough aimless gibberish for it to be true AI. 

My suspicions were confirmed when I explored the website where the text was hosted. This text was generated by an app called Predictive Writer. It works in a similar way to the predictive text on your smartphone. It makes a few guesses at what word should come next based on both the previous words used and its understanding of the corpus of text it has been trained on, such as the Harry Potter books. A human then chooses which of those words should be used. A huge amount of material can be generated in this way, after which a human chooses the funniest and most interesting examples to share with the world. This is typical of the use of AI in creative endeavours. By itself, AI can produce work which is technically impressive to coders, but which is aimless crap to everyone else. Yet when human curation becomes part of the process, and when AI is relegated to a tool used by a creative human, then a world of surreal and unexpected potential is opened up. Without that tool, it is unlikely that any comedic Harry Potter fan would ever have come up with the image of reasonable Hermione dipping Voldemort’s face in mud.

Thursday, 27 July 2023

Courting





What The actual FUCK 
Does THAT Mean?

Tone



Kevin Spacey :
Do you realise you're toking up 
at 8:58 in the morning, on top 
of the shit you already 
put up your nose? 
You're going to show up to work,
with a radish for a face. 
You're going to show up there,
Talking like a fish. 

Eddie
You don't have to 
worry about me

Kevin Spacey :
…What kind of Tone is that? 

Eddie : 
That's my tone. 

Kevin Spacey :
Yeah, but what does it mean

Eddie : 
My ToneWhat does my tone mean? 
I don't have to interpret 
my fucking tone for you
because I don't know what it means. 

Kevin Spacey :
OK. Well, just don't get clandestine on me. 
That's all I'm saying

Eddie : 
Well, there's just not a lot of dynamite ladies out there... 
anywhere you look, Mickey, as we both know. 

Kevin Spacey :
Hey, Eddie, we hit it off, you know? 
I mean, I asked you. 

Eddie : 
Absolutely

Tuesday, 25 July 2023

World of The Psychic


Elaine :
According to My Source, 
The End of The World will be on 
February 14th in The Year 2016. 

Venkman :
Valentine's Day -- Bummer
Where'd You get Your Date, Elaine? 

Elaine :
I received this information 
from an alien --
As I told My Husband, it was in 
The Paramus Holiday Inn :
I was having a drink 
at the bar, alone, and 
this alien approached me

He started Talking to Me. 
He bought Me a Drink
And then I think he must have 
used some kind of a ray 
or a mind-control devicebecause 
he forced me to follow him 
to his room -- 

And that's where... 

He told Me about 
The End of The World

Venkman :
…So, Your Alien had a room at 
The Holiday Inn, Paramus

Elaine :
….It might've been a room on 
The Spacecraft made-up 
to look like a room at 
The Holiday Inn -- 

….I can't be sure 
about that, Peter. 

Venkman :
Of course not — And that is 
The Whole Problem  with aliens
is that you just can't 
Trust Them -- Occasionally, 
You meet a nice one : 
Starman. E.T. 
But usually They turn out to be 
some kind of a Big LIZARD

That's all The Time We’ve Got for 
this week on World of the Psychic
Next Week, though... Give me Ira. 
Hairless pets. Weird

Until Then, This is 
Peter Venkman, Saying... 

See You Then. Bye.

The Centre of The Earth

i








Little Big Man :
I don't understand it, Grandfather :
Why would They Kill 
Women and Children?

Chief Dan George :
Because They are Strange.

They Do Not seem 
to Know where 
The Centre of The Earth is.

We must have A War 
on These Cowards and 
Teach Them a Lesson.

This will be The First Time
My Son, I face The Whites 
as An Enemy.

I Don't Know whether You Remember 
before You Became 
a Human Being
and as Dear a Son 
to Me as those 
I made with Buffalo 
Wallow Woman 
and the others...

But I won't Speak of that 
unfortunate time.

I just Want to Say, 
if You BelieveRiding against 
These White Creatures is Bad
You can stay Out of The Fight.
No one will Think the worse.

Little Big Man :
Grandfather, I Think 
It's a Good Day to Die.

Chief Dan George :
My Heart soars Like a Hawk.

Sunday, 23 July 2023

Intertwined





The Trouble then is just this
During this period the atomic 
clock ticks faster and faster. 
We may anticipate a state of affairs 
in which Two Great Powers will 
each be in a position to put an end to 
The Civilisation and 
Life of The Other
though not without 
risking its own

We may be likened to 
Two Scorpions in a bottleeach 
capable of Killing The Other, 
but only at the risk 
of His Own Life.”

— J. Robert Oppenheimer.




PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER
All right. Let’s look at this Sugar Ray Leonard/Robert Durán fight. 
It’s round 12, June 20th, 1980. 

MIKE TYSON
This is the moment when I wanted to be A Fighter, watching 
Two Masters fight. 
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER
What’s happening? 

MIKE TYSON: 
These Two Fighters waiting for, 
setting up, waiting for a moment 
right now, any moment he’s ready, 
he’s ready to land a punch, but his 
head moved, as soon as he thinks he’s set, then he moves his head, 
then, watch this guy, he’s getting 
ready to punch with dazzling combination, but he can’t hit,
both guys are fighting. 

It’s almost like the fighting’s staged, it’s choreographed, 
they can’t hit each other, 
but they’re both punching, 
very tired, too, the twelfth round. 

I didn’t really know if 
I was going to be 
A Fighter or not, 
but after watching these guys, 
I knew. You know they were fighting, they fought fifteen rounds, and it was a war, but none of them has a mark on their face. 
It was a hard fight, but nobody 
had a mark on their face, 
they’re master technicians, you know? 
They knew their craft well. 

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER: 
And he’s your favorite fighter. 

MIKE TYSON: 
Durán, yes, yes. 

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER: 
You actually say in the book that most people assume that’s it’s Ali
but it’s really Durán for You. Why

MIKE TYSON
He was a street fighter like me

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER
You identified with him. 

MIKE TYSON
Yeah, he was cruel and mean
I never looked at Ali —

I respected Ali and 
I worshiped Ali, but 
he was very tall 
and very handsome
I was very short and
not so handsome and 
I wasn’t good-looking
and he was very, I don’t know, articulate 
and I spoke with a lisp 
and I didn’t relate The Two, 
besides We were Black. 

Ali was a Middle-class kid, 
he had a Mother and Father 
that both worked

My Mother and Father 
were in the sex industry. 

Roberto Durán’s Mother 
was pretty much, 
you know what I mean, 
out there as well, 
so I related to that, and 
I didn’t have to change —
I didn’t have to change my diction
I didn’t have to learn 
how to talk polite
I didn’t have to be nice
I didn’t have to have 
a proper linguistic skill 
and so if he could be accepted 
and be worshiped that way 
I thought I would be 
able to as well

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER: 
He made it click for you. 
It was him who made you 
want to become— 

MIKE TYSON: 
It was him. He was just a master fighter. After that fight he pushed Lenny into some other guy and told him to suck his balls (laughter) and I just drove me nuts, I said, “Yeah, that’s my man.” (laughter/applause) 

But then you have to understand, I’m fourteen, I’m only fourteen years old when these guys fought, this was 1980, so I’m fourteen years old and I thought that was the most remarkable person in the world. (laughter) You know, a lot of people when they hear me talk about these events in my life they can’t imagine I’m twelve years old. 
They always think I’m older.

 PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER
No, this is what is amazing. 
It’s the first hundred and fifty pages of the book, you realise that when you’ve arrived there, you are only fifteen or sixteen years old, 
and you’ve lived a hundred lives 
it feels like, the intensity and extremity of The Life is so extraordinary, one feels that it’s nearly incredible that 
you’re so young. 

MIKE TYSON
I don’t know why. 
I was born with great perception
if it came from my street life
from being locked up for stealing 
and facing unbelievable odds as a young kid, I had great perception. 
And once I watched 
those guys fight, 
I just knew — it was a matter of Time
but I knew My Time 
would soon come. 

PAUL HOLDENGRÄBER
And You also had a perception that 
Your Life would not LAST. 

MIKE TYSON
No, but I knew I knew 
I would obtain my goal 
before it existed
I knew that, I knew 
I would be champ of 
The World before I died. 
I knew I wasn’t going to die 
before I became champ. 

You know, Dying is just as 
glorious as Living when you 
really think about it. 

Because You couldn’t 
have a Life 
if You didn’t have Death, and 
You couldn’t have Death 
without Life, so
How could Death be 
less glorious than Life —

They’re Both Intertwined
with one another.








Saturday, 22 July 2023

The Cavalry


“So many things in Finnegan’s Wake seem to refer to events after 1939, when Finnegan’s Wake was published.  

For instance, 
the middle chapter of The Book, 
The Story of How Buckley shot The Russian General —

Buckley was A Friend of Joyce’s Father who served in The Crimean War
which for Joyce was 
A Symbol of ALL Wars
because it had The Word 
Crime’ in it….”

cavalry (n.)
"soldiers who march and fight on horseback," 1590s, from French cavalerie (16c.), from Italian cavalleria "mounted militia," from cavaliere "mounted soldier" (see cavalier (n.)). 

An Old English word for it was horshere.


Entries linking to cavalry

cavalier (n.)
1580s, "a horseman," especially if armed, from Italian cavalliere "mounted soldier, knight; gentleman serving as a lady's escort," from Late Latin caballarius "horseman," from Vulgar Latin *caballus, the common Vulgar Latin word for "horse" (and source of Italian cavallo, French cheval, Spanish caballo, Irish capall, Welsh ceffyl), displacing Latin equus (from PIE root *ekwo-).

In classical Latin caballus was "work horse, pack horse," sometimes, disdainfully, "hack, nag." This and Greek kaballion "workhorse," kaballes "nag" probably are loan-words, perhaps from an Anatolian language. The same source is thought to have yielded Old Church Slavonic kobyla.

The sense was extended in Elizabethan English to "a knight; a courtly gentleman," but also, pejoratively, "a swaggerer.

The meaning "Royalist, adherent of Charles I" is from 1641. 

cavalryman (n.)
also cavalry-man, "member of a cavalry regiment, soldier who fights on horseback," 1819, from cavalry + man (n.).





“Society was small and homogeneous and its sine qua non was land. For an outsider to break in, it was essential first to buy an estate and live on it, although even this did not always work. When John Morley, at that time a Cabinet minister, was visiting Skibo, where Mr. Andrew Carnegie had constructed a swimming pool, he took his accompanying detective to see it and asked his opinion. “Well, sir,” the detective replied judiciously, “it seems to me to savour of the parvenoo.” 

In the “brilliant and powerful body,” as Winston Churchill called it, of the two hundred great families who had been governing England for generations, everyone knew or was related to everyone else. 

Since superiority and comfortable circumstances imposed on the nobility and gentry a duty to reproduce themselves, they were given to large families, five or six children being usual, seven or eight not uncommon, and nine or more not unknown. The Duke of Abercorn, father of Lord George Hamilton in Salisbury’s Government, had six sons and seven daughters; the fourth Baron Lyttelton, Gladstone’s brother-in-law and father of Alfred Lyttelton, had eight sons and four daughters; the Duke of Argyll, Secretary for India under Gladstone, had twelve children. As a result of the marriages of so many siblings, and of the numerous second marriages, everyone was related to a dozen other families. People who met each other every day, at each other’s homes, at race meetings and hunts, at Cowes, for the Regatta, at the Royal Academy, at court and in Parliament, were more often than not meeting their second cousins or brother-in-law’s uncle or stepfather’s sister or aunt’s nephew on the other side. 

When a prime minister formed a government it was not nepotism but almost unavoidable that some of his Cabinet should be related to him or to each other. In the Cabinet of 1895 Lord Lansdowne, the Secretary for War, was married to a sister of Lord George Hamilton, the Secretary for India, and Lansdowne’s daughter was married to the nephew and heir of the Duke of Devonshire, who was Lord President of the Council. 

The country’s rulers, said one, “knew each other intimately quite apart from Westminster.” They had been at school together and at one of the two favored colleges, Christ Church at Oxford or Trinity College at Cambridge. Here prime ministers —  including Lords Rosebery and Salisbury, at Christ Church, and their immediate successors, Mr. Balfour and Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman, at Trinity — were grown naturally. 

The forcing house of statesmanship, however, was Balliol, whose mighty Master, Benjamin Jowett, frankly spent his teaching talents on intelligent undergraduates “whose social position might enable them to obtain high offices in the public service.” 

Christ Church, known simply as The “House,” was the particular habitat of the wealthy and landed aristocracy. During the youth of the men who governed in the nineties, it was presided over by Dean Liddell, a singularly handsome man of great social elegance and formidable manner who had a daughter, Alice, much admired by an obscure lecturer in mathematics named Charles Dodgson

Activities at the “House” were chiefly fox-hunting, racing, a not too serious form of cricket and “no end of good dinners in the company of the best fellows in the world, as they knew it.” When such fellows in after life wrote their memoirs, the early pages were thick with footnotes identifying the Charles, Arthur, William and Francis of the author’s school days as “afterwards Chief of Imperial General Staff” or “afterwards Bishop of Southhampton” or Speaker of the House or Minister at Athens as the case might be. 

Through years of familiarity they knew each other’s characters and could ask each other favors. 

When Winston Churchill, at twenty-three, wanted to join the Sudan expedition in 1898 over the firm objections of its Commander-in-Chief, Sir Herbert Kitchener, the matter was not beyond accomplishment. Winston’s grandfather, the seventh Duke of Marlborough, had been Lord Salisbury’s colleague under Disraeli, and Lord Salisbury as Prime Minister listened amiably to the young man and promised his help. When it turned out to be needed on short notice, Winston had recourse to the Private Secretary, Sir Schomberg McDonnell, “whom I had seen and met in social circles since I was a child.” Winston found him dressing for dinner and on the errand being explained, “ ‘I’ll do it at once,’ said this gallant man, and off he went, discarding his dinner party.” 

In this way affairs were managed. The mold in which they were all educated was the same, and its object was not necessarily the scientific spirit or the exact mind, but a “graceful dignity” which entitled the bearer to the status of English gentleman, and an unshatterable belief in that status as the highest good of man on earth

As such, it obligated the bearer to live up to it. In every boy’s room at Eton hung the famous picture by Lady Butler of the disaster at Majuba Hill showing an officer with uplifted sword charging deathward to the cry of “Floreat Etona!” The spirit instilled may have accounted for, as has been suggested, the preponderance of bravery over strategy in British officers. 

Yet to be an Etonian was “to imbibe a sense of effortless superiority and be lulled in a consciousness of unassailable primacy.” Clothed in this armor, its wearers were serenely sure of their world and sorry for anyone who was not of it. When Sir Charles Tennant and a partner at golf were preparing to drive and were rudely interrupted by a stranger who pushed in ahead and placed his own ball on the tee, the enraged partner was about to explode. 

Don’t be angry with him,” Sir Charles soothed. “Perhaps he isn’t quite a gentleman, poor fellow, poor fellow.” 

This magic condition was envied and earnestly imitated abroad by all the continental aristocracy (except perhaps the Russians, who spoke French and imitated nobody). German noblemen relentlessly married English wives and put on tweeds and raglan coats, while in France the life of the haut monde centered upon the Jockey Club, whose members played polo, drank whiskey and had their portraits painted in hunting pink by Helleu, the French equivalent of Sargent. 

It was no accident that their admired model was thought of in equestrian terms

The English gentleman was unthinkable without his horse

Ever since the first mounted man acquired extra stature and speed (and, with the invention of the stirrup, extra fighting thrust), The Horse had distinguished The Ruler from The Ruled. 

The man on horseback was the symbol of dominance, and of no other class anywhere in the world was the horse so intrinsic a part as of the English aristocracy. 

He was the attribute of Their Power. 

When a contemporary writer wished to describe the point of view of the county oligarchy it was equestrian terms that he used : They saw Society, he wrote, made up of “a small select aristocracy born booted and spurred to ride and a large dim mass born saddled and bridled to be ridden.” 

In 1895 The Horse was still as inseparable from, and ubiquitous in, upper-class life as The Servant, though considerably more cherished. He provided locomotion, occupation and conversation; inspired love, bravery, poetry and physical prowess. He was the essential element in racing, the sport of kings, as in Cavalry, The Elite of War. 

When an English patrician thought nostalgically of youth, it was as a time “when I looked at life from the saddle and was as near Heaven as it was possible to be.” The gallery at Tattersall’s on Sunday nights when Society gathered to look over the horses for the Monday sales was as fashionable as the opera. 

People did not simply go to the races at Newmarket; they owned or took houses in the neighborhood and lived there during the meeting. Racing was ruled by the three Stewards of the Jockey Club from whose decision there was no appeal. Three Cabinet ministers in Lord Salisbury’s Government, Mr. Henry Chaplin, the Earl of Cadogan and the Duke of Devonshire, were at one time or another Stewards of the Jockey Club. Owning a stud and breeding racehorses required an ample fortune. When Lord Rosebery, having married a Rothschild, won the Derby while Prime Minister in 1894, he received a telegram from Chauncey Depew in America, “Only Heaven left.” Depew’s telegram proved an underestimate, for Rosebery won the Derby twice more, in 1895 and 1905. 

The Prince of Wales won it in 1896 with his great lengthy bay Persimmon, bred at his own stud, again in 1900 with Persimmon’s brother Diamond Jubilee, and a third time, as King, in 1909 with Minoru. As the first such victory by a reigning monarch, it was Epsom’s greatest day. When the purple, scarlet and gold of the royal colors came to the front at Tattenham Corner the crowd roared; when Minoru neck and neck with his rival battled it out at a furious pace along the rails they went mad with excitement and wept with delight when he won by a head. They broke through the ropes, patted the King on the back, wrung his hand, and “even policemen were waving their helmets and cheering themselves hoarse.” 

Distinction might also be won by a famous “whip” like Lord Londesborough, president of the Four-in-Hand Club, who was known as a “swell,” the term for a person of extreme elegance and splendour, and was renowned for the smartness of his turnouts and the “gloss, speed and style” of his carriage horses. 

The Carriage Horse was more than ornamental; he was essential for transportation and through this role his tyranny was exercised. 

When a niece of Charles Darwin was taken in 1900 to see Lord Roberts embark for South Africa, she saw The Ship but not Lord Roberts “because the carriage had to go home or the horses might have been tired.” When her Aunt Sara, Mrs. William Darwin, went shopping in Cambridge she always walked up the smallest hill behind her own carriage, and if her errands took her more than ten miles the carriage and horses were sent home and she finished her visits in a horsecab. 

But the true passion of The Horseman was expressed in The Rider to Hounds. To gallop over the downs with hounds and horsemen, wrote Wilfrid Scawen Blunt in a sonnet, was to feel “my horse a thing of wings, myself a God.” The fox-hunting man never had enough of the thrills, the danger, and the beauty of The Hunt; of the wail of the huntsman’s horn, the excited yelping of The Hounds, the streaming rush of red-coated riders and black-clad ladies on sidesaddles, the flying leaps over banks, fences, stone walls and ditches, even the crashes, broken bones and the cold aching ride home in winter. If it was bliss in that time to be alive and of the leisured class, to hunt was rapture. The devotee of the sport—man or woman—rode to hounds five and sometimes six days a week. 

It was said of Mr. Knox, private chaplain to the Duke of Rutland, that he wore boots and spurs under his cassock and surplice and “thought of horses even in the pulpit.” The Duke’s family could always tell by the speed of morning prayers if Mr. Knox were hunting that day or not. 

Mr. Henry Chaplin, the popular “Squire” in Lord Salisbury’s Cabinet, who was considered the archetype of The English country gentleman and took himself very seriously as representative in Parliament of the agricultural interest, took himself equally seriously as Master of the Blankney Hounds and could not decide which duty came first

During a debate or a Cabinet he would draw little sketches of horses on official papers. When his presence as a minister was required at question time he would have a special train waiting to take him wherever the hunt was to meet next morning. Somewhere between stations it would stop, Mr. Chaplin would emerge, in white breeches and scarlet coat, climb the embankment, and find his groom and horses waiting. Weighing 250 pounds, he was constantly in search of horses big and strong enough to carry him and frequently “got to the bottom of several in one day.” 

To see him thundering down at a fence on one of his great horses was a fine sight.” On one occasion the only opening out of a field was a break in a high hedge where a young sapling had been planted surrounded by an iron cage 4 feet 6 inches high. “There were shouts for a chopper or a knife when down came the Squire, forty miles an hour, with his eyeglass in his eye seeing nothing but the opening in the hedge. There was no stopping him; neither did the young tree do so, for his weight and that of his horse broke it off as clean as you would break a thin stick and away he went without an idea that the tree had ever been there.” 

The cost of being a Master who, besides maintaining his own stable, was responsible for the breeding and upkeep of the pack was no small matter. So extravagant was Mr. Chaplin’s passion that he at one time kept two packs, rode with two hunts and, what with keeping a racing stud, a deer forest in Scotland and entertaining that expensive friend, the Prince of Wales, he ultimately ruined himself and lost the family estates. On one of his last hunts in 1911, when he was over seventy, he was thrown and suffered two broken ribs and a pierced lung, but before being carried home, insisted on stopping at the nearest village to telegraph the Conservative Whip in the House of Commons that he would not be present to vote that evening. 

George Wyndham, who was to acquire Cabinet rank as Chief Secretary for Ireland in 1902, was torn like Mr. Chaplin between passion for the hunt and duty to politics. In Wyndham’s case, the duty was not untinged by ambition, since he had every intention of becoming Prime Minister. As he likewise wrote poetry and had leanings toward art and literature, life was for him full of difficult choices. A sporting friend advised him against “sacrificing my life to politics and gave Harry Chaplin as a shocking example of whom better things were expected in his youth.” 

It was hard not to agree and prefer the carefree life when gentlemen came down to breakfast in their pink coats with an apron tied on to protect the chalked white of their breeches, or when on a Christmas night, as Wyndham described it, “we sat down thirty-nine to dinner” and thirty hunted next day. “Today we are all out again. … Three of us sailed away [fifty lengths in front of the nearest followers]. The rest were nowhere. We spreadeagled the field. The pace was too hot to choose your place by a yard. We just took everything as it came with hounds screaming by our side. Nobody could gain an inch. 

These are the moments … that are the joy of hunting. There is nothing like it.” 

Older than fox-hunting, the oldest role of the horseman was in war. Cavalry officers considered themselves the cream of the Army and were indeed more notable for social prestige than for thought or imagination. They were “sure of themselves,” wrote a cavalry officer from a later vantage point, “with the superb assurance that belonged to those who were young at this time and came of their class and country.” 

In their first years with the regiment they managed, by a daily routine of port and a weekly fall on the head from horseback, to remain in “that state of chronic numb confusion which was the aim of every cavalry officer.” 

Polo, learned on its native ground by the regiments in India, was their passion and the cavalry charge the sum and acme of their strategy. It was from the cavalry that the nation’s military leaders were drawn. They believed in the cavalry charge as they believed in the Church of England. 

The classical cavalry officer was that magnificent and genial figure, a close friend of the Prince of Wales, “distinguished at Court, in the Clubs, on the racecourse, in the hunting field … one of the brightest military stars in London Society,” Colonel Brabazon of the 10th Hussars. Six feet tall, with clean and symmetrical features, bright gray eyes and strong jaw, he had a moustache The Kaiser would have envied, and ideas to match. 

Testifying before The Committee of Imperial Defence in 1902 on the lessons of The Boer War, in which he had commanded the Imperial Yeomanry, General Brabazon (as he now was) electrified the Commission by a recital of his personal experiences in hand to hand fighting and his theories of the use of The Cavalry Arm in War. These included, as reported by Lord Esher to The King, “life-long mistrust of the weapons supplied to the Cavalry and his preference for shock tactics by men armed with a Tomahawk.” 

Giving his evidence “in a manner highly characteristic of that gallant officer … he drew graphic pictures of a Cavalry charge under these conditions which proved paralyzing to the imagination of the Commissioners.” 

They next heard Colonel Douglas Haig, lately chief Staff officer of the cavalry division in The South African War, deplore the proposed abolition of The Lance and affirm his belief in the arme blanche, that is, The Cavalry Saber, as an effective weapon.