The Vault

The Artist Wastes Nothing.

 

Da Vinci held that no Work of Art is ever finished --  

only ever abandoned. 

 

Usually, customarily and ultimately by The Death of The Artist, or rather more properly, The Artist's death.

 

 

" He's like --

"I want you to shoot People's Reaction to he Album. 

Let them Listen to it and you have them Talk about it. 

And then I want to talk about Religion and lead that into Race and lead it into The Music Biz and radio. 

And at The End of The Week, 

I want to Change The World." 

I'm like, 

"I'm in the middle of making a dick-and-fart-joke movie —

I'm not prepared to change my underwear, let alone The World. 

I don't think I can... 

I don't... 

I don't... 

All right." 

Just real quick. You haven't touched on it and I don't know how many people know about it. 

In the middle of June, you were up in Minneapolis filming a documentary for Prince that as far as I've heard is never gonna see the light of day. 

Can you shed a little light on that?  

We were trying to get a Prince song for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back where Shannon Elizabeth's character comes into the restaurant the song "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World," but we got no response. 

Then one day I got a call at the office. 

They said, "Prince's office called. He wants to speak to you." "Holy shit! Fucking Pr... His Royal Badness?" 

 'Cause I'm a Prince fan. 

So I said, "I'm gonna call him back." 

So I call him up and they answer, and they're like: "Prince isn't available right now, but he does want to speak to you so sit by the phone and we'll call you back." 

So I'm like, "All right." Ring. 

And I wait and wait and wait. About minutes later somebody calls. And they're like, "Is Kevin there?" 

"This is he." 

"Kevin, hi. I'm calling from Prince's office. He'll call you in minutes." 

I said, "Awesome. All right, bye." 

15 minutes later, phone rings. "Is Kevin there? This is Trevor in Prince's office. Prince will be calling you in minutes." 

And I said, "This is genius." 

Because it sounds like they have shit well-scheduled, 5 minutes but then again, this is the third time he called. 

So I said, "Hey, man, just a question. When I talk to the guy can I...? Do you call him Prince? Do I call him Artist? You know, what do you call him? Jack?" 

And he said, "He's back to Prince. Call him Prince." 

 I sit around, I get another phone call: 

"Prince wants to call you tonight at home. Can we have that number?" 

I give it to him. 

I go home and I'm like: "Prince is calling! Everybody get away from the phone!"  

The kid wants to play l'm like, "Go away, Prince is calling!" 

So I wait and the phone rings and I get Trevor again: "Prince is gonna be calling in five minutes." 

"I am so ready for this call." 

Phone rings again and I hear his fucking voice. He's just like, "Kevin?" 

And I said, "Prince?" 

 Because that's his name. 

And he said, "How you doing?" I said, "I'm excellent. How are you?" 

He said, "Very good." "I just want to tell you I'm a huge fan." 

 He goes, "Likewise." "Really?" "Oh, yeah. Particularly Dogma. " He's like, "Would you like to do something together?" "Yeah, what do you want to do?" 

I'm thinking he wants to do a musical. 

But it's not the musical that he wants to do, necessarily. He starts talking about Dogma: "I really enjoyed Dogma I thought it was incredible. I thought the message was great." 

He went on at great lengths about it. 

I'm listening to him and it's starting not to sound like the movie I made. A little bit. 

He's got the character names down but there's things he's talking about that I'm like: "I didn't say that in the movie, did I?" 

Like, "Hold on." I'm going to rewind the movie. 

He starts talking more and more about spirituality, religion, faith. It becomes very apparent over the course of a half-hour Prince is way into Jesus. 

Like, really into Jesus. 

He's always had one foot in the corporeal, one foot in the spiritual. 

He sings about "Darling Nikki," but he also sings about God. But it felt like the pendulum swung far away from nookie right into the Son of God. 

And I... You know, I'm thinking I can talk smack to this dude but he doesn't want to hear from language. At one point he says: "I'll put you an example." 

He's sitting there ministering to me at a certain point. 

But I'm not going to say anything 'cause it's Prince. 

 

So he's like, "I'll give you an example - 

You Make Movies with Cursing in them." 

 I said, 

"Yeah." 

*GRINS*

And he said, 

"Can you Make a Movie without Cursing in it?" 

 I said,  

"Yeah, I guess..... But Why Bother?" 

And he said,  

"Do you understand that Cursing offends Some People? 

Vulgarity offends People." 

I said, "Yeah. :) " 


And he goes, 

"Do you mean to offend People?" 

I said, 

"No, no." 

And he's like, 

"But you still do it anyway?" 

"Yeah." 

He's going, 

"Okay, we're gonna put you over here --" 

I was like, 

"Where?" 

And I, you know, I can't see him, but I think he went like this : --


And I really want to know what over here is, but he doesn't explain. 

He gets very cryptic like that. 

He's like, 

"Kevin, if A Big Snake gives birth to a Little Snake, 

What is That Little Snake gonna grow up To Be?" 

"A Big...  Snake?" 

He's like, 

"Right. That Snake gives birth to A Snake. 

What's that gonna grow To Be?" 

And I said, "Big Snake." 

He said, "Exactly, You Gotta Know Who Your Father is." 

And I'm like... 

I don't know what that fucking means. 

So I'm like, 

"I hear you. I hear you."

 

He's like, 

"So you wanna Do This?" 

I'm like,  

"Yeah, What are We Doing?" 

He said, "I have this thing called 'the Celebration' where I'm gonna debut my new album for a bunch of fans. They come to Paisley Park, we have an event. Then we're gonna have parties where people hear the album. I want to make a movie that we can bring to the Cannes Film Festival." 

I said, "Really?" 

He said, "Yeah." "Like a concert film?" 

I'm saying. He's like, "Kind of but I want to do bold things. I want to put up the words: 'Jesus Christ is the Son Of God, ' and let them deal with it." 

And I'm like, "Well, I already made that movie, kind of." 

But I didn't say that because it's Prince. 

I said, "That's fucking bold!"

 He said, "What did I say about cursing?" 

I said, "I got you." 

He said, "You free to come do this?" 

I said, "Yeah, absolutely." 

He said, "I'll let you know when we're doing it." 

I was like, "Shit, that's fucking great!" I go and tell everyone. Mosier goes, 

"Did you ask about the song for the movie?" 

And I was like, "No, fuck, I forgot!" 

I was like, "Should I just call him again? Aren't we kind of friends at this point?" 

He says, "Find out if we can use the song." 

I call him the next day and I was like, "Hey, Prince, it's Kevin. Listen, we talked a lot and I look forward to this thing we're gonna do but we're making Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and it has the dudes who were in Dogma, remember? I needed to use 'The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. ' I want to put it in this one scene." 

And he goes, "No." 

I said, "No?" 

He said, "I'm gonna have to pass on that." 

He's like, "You can use The Time song," which he owns the publishing for. 

And I said, "All right. Bye." 

You know? 

I was like, "That's so fucking weird." 

The dude said, "Come shoot a documentary for me." 

Then I'm like, "Can I have one of your songs?" He's like, "No." 

I thought people gave each other things. 

But I don't say anything because it's Prince. 

So it's time to go up there and I'm in the midst of editing the movie we're getting to crunch time. 

Many things are going on the last thing in the world I should do is go to Minnesota. 

But I'm like, "Fuck it. Once in a lifetime chance. It's fucking Prince, I gotta go." 

I grab the wife jump on the plane. 

We go to Minnesota. 

I get out there and I meet with his producer, this great woman named Stephanie. 

And Stephanie's like, "He's on-stage talking to a bunch of people. He'll tell you what he wants." 

I go in and he's sitting on the stage and he's very small. He looks big on-stage, but he's very small. 

But he's decked out. 

He's wearing clothes that look like somebody just sewed them. 

Like an outfit, like he's in a play, doing Shakespeare. 

Not like nice clothes like this. 

And he's in heels, of course. 

I'm like, "He's in heels. It's casual time and he's in heels." 

I always thought, around the house, he's wearing kicks. 

So we start Talking, and --

He tells me about his beefs with The Music Industry. 

And you can't follow What He's Saying, he's jumping topic to topic. 

And I'm like, 

"Uh-huh. I don't know what he's saying. What?" 

And he's talking, at one point, 

"Anybody can take a song and record it." 

I was like, 

"Really?" 

He's like, 

"It happened to Chaka Khan." 

He's like, 

"Whitney Houston recorded, 'I'm Every Woman. ' 

Chaka didn't want that, Chaka mad." 

I'm like, 

"Chaka mad?" 

He's like, 

"Chaka real mad." 

I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do about Chaka being mad. 

He's like, "I want you to shoot people's reaction to the album. Let them listen to it and you have them talk about it. And then I want to talk about religion and lead that into race and lead it into the music biz and radio. 

And at the end of the week, I want to change The World." 

I'm like, "I'm in the middle of making a dick-and-fart-joke movie. I'm not prepared to change my underwear, let alone the world. I don't think I can... I don't... I don't... 

All right." 

He's like,  

"All right, I'll see you tomorrow." 

And he takes off. 

 

I look at Stephanie, I was like,  

"Can we go outside?" 

I was like, "I can't do this! I don't know what he wants! I can't change The World. I'm not a documentarian. Did you see the movies I make? I don't make documentaries. Documentaries are made by people who come up with the idea and see it through, shoot it themselves and interview people because it's something personal to them. He's very personal and passionate about these issues and I'm not -- Chaka mad, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about that." 

She's like, "Calm down." 

And she's like, "What can you do?" 

I said, "If Prince wants a movie about a couple guys hanging around a mall like, I'm your guy, but I can't make a documentary." 

She's like, "Okay, But he really wants you to do it." 

And I was like, 

"I don't understand. I'm not cut out for this kind of thing. Can you explain it to him? Just go in there and tell him. I'll go back to Los Angeles and tell him no harm, no foul." 

She's like,  

"Kevin, let me explain something to you about Prince --

I've been working for Prince for many years now,

and I cannot go tell him that you can't shoot this documentary." 

She's like,  

"Prince doesn't Comprehend Things The Way You and I do." 

I was like,  

"What do you mean?" 

She was like,  

"Well, Prince has been living in PrinceWorld for quite some time now." 

She's like,  

"So, Prince will come to us, periodically, and Say Things like: 

'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. 

I really need a camel. 

Go Get It. ' 

And then we have to try to explain to Prince, like: 

 

"Prince, it's 3 in The Morning in Minnesota, 

It's January and YOU Want a Camel. 

That is not physically or psychologically possible."

And Prince says, 

'Why?"

I'm like, 

"Is he an asshole?" 

She's like,  

"No, he's not malicious when he does it, 

He just doesn't understand why he can't get what he wants. 

He doesn't understand why someone can't process a simple request like a camel at 3 in the morning in Minnesota." 

 I was like, 

"That's not My Problem. 

I can't do What He Wants. 

I don't know what to do." 

She said, 

"Okay, but you'd be doing me a HUGE favor if you Tell Him That." 

I was like, 

"All right, I'll Tell him. 

Somebody's gotta just deal with him straight. 

He'll understand." 

So I go in there and he's on-stage and then he comes back down. 

He's like, 

"What's the matter?" 

I was like, 

" ....How do you want to shoot this?" 

He's like, 

"Whatever you want." 

I said, 

"I don't know if I can shoot this thing. 

Since it's a documentary, it should come from you. 

I'd be kind of a third wheel. 

It's, like, you've got the crew and you have the idea and I'd basically be there, what, to do what? 

There's nothing for me to do." 

He said, 

"I need you to be my representation. 

You have to Go and Communicate My Message." 

I said, 

"If you want me to communicate  

'Let's Go Crazy, Let's Get Nuts -- 

 Like, 

Let's Slip on The Purple Banana 

'til They put Us in The Truck -- 

I can Do That - I've listened to that album a lot. 

If You Want Me to start Talking about Jesus, I did that. 

And I got a lotta Death Threats. 

So I'm not too keen to go in there and do it." 

He's like, 

"You'll Do a Great Job." 

Walks away. 

I'm like, 

"Oh, my God -- *I* Don't Know How to Make a fucking documentary...!?!" 

So I go in the next day, and we're shooting in the atrium. 

Everybody sits down and shit. 

They're listening to albums in other rooms in Paisley Park. 

They bring them into the atrium with the high ceilings, and there's a cage with doves in it. 

You're sitting there listening to what it sounds like when fucking doves cry. 

'Cause they won't shut up. 

People are coming in, and I'm standing there with two guys with cameras and their Nagra equipment. And I'd say about 30 % of them, as they walk in, are like: "It's Silent Bob." 

I was the last person they expected to see. 

Like, "What the fuck is Silent Bob doing here? Is he a fan? What's with the cameras? What's going on?" 

I'm like, "I don't even know what's going on!" 

So I'm like, "We'll talk about what you've just heard." I don't introduce myself. 

I said, "We'll talk about what you just listened to and see where the topic takes us." 

We start talking. 

Everybody wants to talk about religion, the album's theme. 

It's kind of one story throughout the whole album. Heavily steeped in faith and spirituality. 

So people start getting up in arms. 

Some people said, "It's his best work. It's the promise he showed on Lovesexy. 

It's the next level for Prince. I love all the three to four minute hits, but this is tremendous." 

Other people were going, "We know Prince is a Jehovah's Witness." 

I'm sitting there going, "Prince is a Jehovah's Witness? Since when? Now? Because he didn't try to sell me a Watchtower once." 

So he's going, "I printed up a bunch of facts about Jehovah's Witness that Prince should read. It's important stuff. 

He should know that he's being bilked." 

I'm like, "What else is everyone thinking?" 

I'm trying to lead the discussion, but everyone wants to talk about religion. 

Some are incensed because it's a literal translation of the Bible which means that the order of things is God, man, women, children, animals. 

Some women were like, "I don't go in for this man, woman shit. I don't want to be led by any man." 

I'm trying to control the fires. 

Somebody comes up behind me and says whispers in my ear, "Prince wants you to stop talking about religion." 

I'm like, "What do you mean Prince wants me to stop talking about religion? That's what they want. Where is he?" 

They're like, "He's not here." 

I said, "How does he know I'm talking about religion?" 

She's like, "He'd just... He'd prefer if you stop. He knows." 

I said, "How am I supposed to change topic? 

Be like, 'Hey, who likes pie? ' you know, instead of... They listened to an album about religion. What can I tell you? If he wants it to not be about... If he wants it to be something else, he should get his ass here." 

She said, 

"I just told you." 


So people are talking, I'm looking around while they're speaking. 

There's a sign in the atrium that says: 
 "The atrium: redone in ... " 

Then there's a piece of factoid about the atrium that says: "Like every room in the building, this room is wired for sound so Prince can record anywhere he likes." 

Which means that if Prince is sitting in the shitter and he wants to write "Raspberry Beret" he can do it and record it while taking a shit without leaving the room. 

Every room is wired for sound. 

I'm reading that going, "Now, that's interesting..." 

No wonder the motherfucker heard me. Every room is wired for sound. 

I'm like, 

"God, did he hear me say 'He should get his ass here'?" 

And he might have, because I'm talking to the person talking and I see Prince materialize. 

Not, out of thin air, but suddenly, he's there. 

I'm like, 

"Holy shit, he's coming to yell at me in front of these people." 

So I made him part of it. 

"What do you think, Sir?" 

Everyone's like, 
"It's Prince!" 

He comes and sits down. 

He's listening to the group and letting me lead it. 

Then he starts joining in. 

If you know Prince, he's Solitary. 

He likes to stay apart from people. 

But he starts joining in, gets real into it. 

And I start hanging back. I go in the back and watch it. 

So I'm appreciating Prince talking to these people about spirituality and then about how radio sucks nowadays. 

Nobody owns the air over his head so why can't they play shit he wants? He's going everywhere. 

And I'm like, "This is brilliant. I'd watch this. I'd watch this documentary about how a man falls apart in front of a crowd." 

But I don't think that's the documentary he has in mind. 

The next day, same thing. 

We're talking and he shows up. I bring him in. 

He takes over. He's in his element. 

He's happy. He's just sitting there, a robe short of being a minister preaching, playing games with the crowd. 

Games where people go to the other side of the room like kindergarten. 

He says, "Those who believe Jesus is the son of God over to this side of the room. Those who don't, go over there. We rule our lives by this." 

He pulls a Bible from his back pocket. 

I'm like, "I didn't even know he had a back pocket." 

The outfits he wears don't really lend to pockets. But not only that, he's got a Bible in it. 


I'm like, "This is fucked up." 

He says, "We'll lead our lives by this. Over there, you live by what you do. You have no laws. We have laws. We want your women. 

So we'll take them. There's nothing you can do. Women, come here. Because you don't lead your lives by this." 

I'm going, "Is THAT what it says in the Bible?!?" 

Because if it is, I'm going back to church. He's going through these parlor games and he's real happy. I was pleased to get to see a part of him that I'd never seen before in everything from interviews to any press. 

So the next day, he's like, 

"I'm not gonna be able to do it. I've got a show to do at the St. Paul Excel Arena. I'm gonna do a night show and my leg hurts, so I won't do the q and a." 

I said, "Why does your leg hurt?" 

He said, "Something with my knee." 

And I was like, "Do you think it's because you always wear heels?" 

He said, "What?" 

I said, 

"Maybe your knee wouldn't hurt if you wore sneakers." 

He goes, "It's not about sneakers." 

I said, "All right, man, I was just checking. We need you, Prince." 

I go out and Stephanie said, "You mentioned sneakers to him?" 

I said, "Yeah, was that bad?" She said, "Yeah!" 

I said, "Does he wear them?" 

She said, "He does. What's the interest with Prince's sneakers?" 

I said, "Does he wear them?" 

She said, "He wears them for basketball." 

I said, "He plays ball in sneakers? Where does he keep them?" 

She's like, "Let it go." 

I said, "Does he wear the outfits playing basketball?" 

Because every outfit looks like he's about to be: "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio." You know? 

She said, "No, he wears warm-up suits." 

I said, "He's got warm-up suits?" 

She says, "Yes, he's got warm-up pants with the buttons down the side." 

I was like, "Where does he keep it? Does he wear it under his clothes?" 

She says, "He's got them to the side." 

I said, "Well, are they made like his outfits? Designer basketball wear?" 

She says, "No, they're from a store." 

I said, "He shops at a fucking store?" She says, "No, we go out and get stuff for him." 

I said, "Where do you get his clothes?" 

She says, "Nordstrom's." 

I said, "They sell stuff his size?" 

She's like, "Nordstrom's boys department." And at this point, I'm like, "That is so fucking cute!" 

The documentary should be about that. I'd watch it. 

Prince is like, "All right, I'm little. I'm a huge rock god but I'm little. I get my clothes at Nordstrom's boys department." 

But that's not the documentary he wants to make. 

So he skips that day. 

The next day he's supposed to come. 

We're having one of the last sessions. 

We crammed people in this room. It's really hot, really tight, lights boiling. 

Everyone's sweating. We're going on for about three hours. 

One guy says, "This album's about how Prince hates white people." 

I said, "Really? I didn't get that at all. What makes you say that?" 

He says, "He's singing about how the devil stole it." 

I said, "No, he's not talking about the 'white devil, ' but this devil. I don't think it's a race thing. Really? Race? Do you think so?" 

And I can't defend it because I don't fucking know. 

Finally, they're like, "Prince wants to talk to you in his office." 

I'm like, "Break, everyone grab some air. I'll talk to Prince." 

I'm pissed now. I'm sweating, fielding questions from a very defensive crowd. 

The dude was supposed to be here 3 hours ago. 

So I go into his office and he's sitting behind his desk playing with a computer. I sit there for a good 20 to 30 seconds. He says nothing. 

Then he says, "These are pictures from the show last night." 

I said, "That's great. We needed you about two hours ago. Things got tense." 

He says, "Really?" 

"Some dude said you hate white people." He said, "Why did he say that?" 

I said, "In the album, you talk about how the devil stole the music. He said you meant the 'white devil. ' I said you meant this." 

He said, "He said white people stole music from black people?" 

I said, "That was his argument." 

He goes, "If the bra fits." 

And I'm like, "What the fuck does that mean, man?! If the bra fucking fits? I'm sweating for hours fielding questions defending your Jehovah's Witnessism even though I know nothing about it. Don't talk to me like I'm fucking Apollonia! You want me to jump into the fucking waters of Lake Minnetonka!" 

I'm fucking at wit's end with this man. 

This is what it sounds like when Kev's fucking pissed. You know? 

I'm like, "Go explain that's not what you meant." He's like, "People are gonna take what they will from it." 

I said, "These people have been here for hours. They expect you." 

He's like, "I'll talk to them. You want to shoot it?" 

I said, "Okay, and I want to leave early because today is Father's Day." 

My wife was there all week. 

Her parents brought Harley so we could spend Father's Day together. 

He said, "Okay." 

I'm like, "Ladies and gentlemen: Prince." 

He sits down, starts talking and we start shooting. 

And he starts talking and proceeds to talk for four hours. 

He's getting into his parlor games and having a great time. 

The guys are like, "Are we still shooting?" 

I'm like, "Keep shooting. Something might happen. Maybe somebody will get as pissed as I am and take the guy out." 

After the four hours one of the guy comes over to me. He's like, 

"We're out." 

I'm like, "We ain't out till he says we're out." He said, 

"No, we're out of stock." 

I said, "Change the tape." He's like, 

"We've blown through our entire stock. It's Sunday. There's no more stock." I said, "What about the other camera?" He's like, "He's got three minutes." 

I was like, "Shit, we're out of tape? Do we tell him? Or do we just pretend like we're shooting him?" He's like, "It's your call." I'm like, "Just keep rolling. Just make pretend, go ahead." 

They run out of tape. 

Prince goes on for an hour, not even being recorded. He looks over to me periodically and I'm like: So it ends and everyone gets up to go and this is the last session. 

The week is over. 

And he kind of goes out a back door and shit so he can avoid autographs. 

And I collect my stuff and Stephanie who was my chaperone, wasn't even there anymore. 

And I said to her before she left, I was like: "This is the last day. What are we gonna do? Am I cutting this thing?" 

She's like, "They've been cutting it. 

He used some of the footage at his show last night." 

I'm like, "Really?" 

I feel so useless. 

I'm trying to maintain my composure and stuff's being already cut? 

I said, "So you'll have a cut of the film next week." 

She said, "Don't count on seeing it." 

I said, "Why?" She said, "A lot of this stuff never sees the light of day." 

I was like, "What do you mean?" 

She's like, "I produced music videos for him." 

I said, "Which ones?" 

She said, "You've never seen them. They're for Songs You've Never Heard." 

I said, "Where are They?" 

She's like, "He puts them in A Vault." 

 

I was like, "For What?" 

And she's like, "I don't know." 

I was like, "Is it just him on-stage?" 

She's like, "No, fully-produced music videos with costumes and sets. Money was spent." 

I was like, "And they've never been seen on MTV or anything? BET, VH1 ?" 

She's like, "No. He just puts them in The Vault." 

I was like, "Like in case the fucking world goes up we'll have entertainment?" 

She's like, "That's just the way Prince is." 

I'm like, "After all this work, nobody may ever see it?" 

She's like, "I don't know." 

 

I'm like, "Good Lord." So day's over, I say goodbye to this other girl, and she's like: "Do you want to say goodbye to Prince?" 

 

I'm like, "He's busy, I won't bother him." 

The Wife said, "You should say goodbye." 

I said, "You think so?" 

She's like, "He'd probably want to say goodbye." 

I was like, "You're right." 

So I go back in and I'm like, 

"You know what? I should say goodbye to Prince." 

She's like, "I'll find him." 

She goes away and then comes back, and she's like: 

"He's in there working on some music." 

And I was like, "And?" 

 

She was like, "He's working on some music." 

 

I was like, "So I should go?" 

 

And she's like, "Yeah." 

And I was like, "All right, tell him I said goodbye, I guess." 

I walk to the car and I'm like, "I can't fucking believe it. I spent a week shooting a documentary for which I wasn't paid, for which I had really No Passion for. 

It was Not My Story. 

And The Dude never once said, 

'Thanks for Taking The Time."' 

Like, I'll do anything as long as somebody says, 

"Hey, Thanks." 

 

Gratitude's a big part of My Life. 

It so was weird, That Dude didn't have two seconds to be like: 

"Night, Tubby." 

Or anything like that. 

Or just, "I knew there was no film in that camera." 

He never once said thank you. 

I was so fucking cheesed, man. I was like, 

"This is Why Fans Turn on People." 

Somebody disappoints them and they fucking turn on them. But this is one instance where I felt like it was valid. 

 

All he had to do was say,  

"Hey, Man, Thanks." 

That would've been fine. 

But the thing pissed me off the most the whole week, not once did The Guy ever once play fucking "BatDance."

POWER

HABRIS: 

Lord Aukon himself is here.

(Aukon enters and inspects the line.)

AUKON: 

Interesting -

(He goes back to Adric.)

Lord AUKON : 

A mind that shields itself.

 One who pretends to be a dull and stupid peasant, 

but who is different.

ADRIC: 

Who, me?

Lord AUKON : 

You. 

You. 

Come with me.

ADRIC: 

Why?

Lord AUKON : 

Spirit too, I see. 

Excellent.

ADRIC: 

Come with you? 

What's in it for me?

Lord AUKON: 

Wealth.

Power.

Dominion over This World.... 

....and over Many Others. 

EXT. BALCONY - GOETH'S VILLA - NIGHT
 Distant music, Brahms' lullaby, from the Rosner Brothers way down by the women's barracks calming the inhabitants. Up here on the balcony, Schindler and Goeth, the latter so drunk he can barely stand up, stare out over Goeth's dark kingdom.

 SCHINDLER 
They don't fear us because we have the power to kill, they fear us because we have the power to kill arbitrarily. 

A man commits a crime, he should know better.

We have him killed, we feel pretty good about it.

Or we kill him ourselves and we feel even better. 

 
That's not Power, though, that's Justice. 

That's different than Power. 

 
Power is when we have every justification to kill -- and we don't. 

That's Power.

That's what The Emperors had. 

A man stole something, he's brought in before the emperor, he throws himself down on the floor, he begs for mercy, he knows he's going to die... 

And The Emperor pardons him. 

This worthless man. 

He lets him go. 

That's Power. 

That's Power.
 It seems almost as though this temptation toward restraint, this image Schindler has brush-stroked of the merciful emperor, holds some appeal to Goeth. 

Perhaps, as he stares out over his camp, he imagines himself in the role, wondering what the power Schindler describes might feel like.

 Eventually, he glances over drunkenly, and almost smiles.

 SCHINDLER 
Amon the Good.

 EXT. STABLES - PLASZOW - DAY

 A stable boy works to ready Goeth's horse before he arrives.

 He sticks a bridle into its mouth, throws a riding blanket onto its back, drags out the saddle Schindler bought Goeth.

 Before he can finish, though, Goeth is there. The boy tries to hide his panic; he knows others have been shot for less.
 STABLE BOY 
I'm sorry, sir, I'm almost done.

 GOETH 
Oh, that's all right.

 As Goeth waits, patiently it seems, whistling to himself, the stable boy tries to mask his confusion.
 EXT. PLASZOW - DAY
 Goeth gallops around his great domain holding himself high in the saddle. But everywhere he looks, it seems, he's confronted with stoop-shouldered sloth. He forces himself to smile benevolently.
 INT. GOETH'S VILLA - DAY
 Goeth comes into his bedroom sweating from his ride. A worker with a pail and cloth appears in the bathroom doorway.
 MORE TO THE FLOOR --

 WORKER 
I have to report, sir, I've been unable to remove the stains from your bathtub.

 Goeth steps past him to take a look. The worker is almost shaking, he's so terrified of the violent reprisal he expects to receive.
 GOETH 
What are you using?

 WORKER 
Soap, sir.

 GOETH 
(incredulous) 

Soap? Not lye?

 The worker hasn't a defense for himself. 

Goeth's hand drifts down as if by instinct to the gun in his holster. 

He stares at the worker. 

He so wants to shoot him he can hardly stand it, right here, right in the bathroom, put some more stains on the porcelain. 

He takes a deep breath to calm himself.

 Then gestures grandly.
 
 GOETH 

Go ahead, go on, leave. 

I pardon you.
 The worker hurries out with his pail and cloth. Goeth just stands there for several moments -- trying to feel the power of emperors he's supposed to be feeling. 

But he doesn't feel it. 

All he feels is stupid.

 EXT. GOETH'S VILLA - MOMENTS LATER - DAY

 The worker hurries across the dying lawn outside the villa.

 He dares a glance back, and at that moment, a hand with a gun appears out the bathroom window and fires.

(Habris enters.)

HABRIS: 

My Lord, it is time.

ZARGO: 

How dare you interrupt us!

HABRIS: 

Aukon has seen The Sign. 
The Arising is at hand.

CAMILLA: 

The Arising? Leave us.

(Habris leaves.)

ZARGO: 

We must go to him.

CAMILLA: 

We shall resume this later. 

If you need anything, there are guards outside the door. 

Many guards.

The Great 1 :

You took the one, last 
PERFECT Crystal of POWER. 

I searched all Time, and all Space for it....!!!

I MUST have it! 

The Established Dandy : 

No! No, never. 

GREAT ONE [OC]: 

You are PROUD, Little Man. 

I see that I shall have to teach you to have respect! 

Round you go, Doctor. 

DOCTOR: 

No. No! 

No, I will not! 

(Against his will, the Doctor turns left, stepping high, as the Great One laughs.) 

DOCTOR: 

No! No, I will not! No! 

(The Doctor has turned right round and back to where he started.) 

GREAT ONE [OC]: 

Is that FEAR I can feel in your mind...? 

You are not ACCUSTOMED to feeling FRIGHTENED, are you, Doctor? 

You are very WISE to be afraid of ME...!!!. 

Go now. You must hurry back and fetch the crystal. 

I MUST have it, don't you understand? 

I must have it! I must! 

I must! I must! 

Go now. Go! 

Go! Go NOW! 

K'ANPO: 

We are all apt to surrender ourselves to domination. 

Even the strongest of us. 

DOCTOR: 

...Do you mean me? 

K'ANPO: 

Not all spiders sit on the back. 

SARAH: 

Oh, I don't understand. You're not saying they've taken over The Doctor, are you? 

DOCTOR: 

Oh no, Sarah, no. 

No, he's talking about my GREED. 

SARAH: 

Greed? You? 

DOCTOR: 

Yes, my Greed for KNOWLEDGE , for INFORMATION. 

He's saying that all this is basically My Fault. 

If I hadn't taken the crystal in the first place.....

I know who you are now!

K'ANPO: 

You were always a little slow on the uptake, my boy. 

GREAT ONE [OC]: 

Stop! Have you brought the crystal to me? 

DOCTOR: 

Well if I had not, why should I have returned? 

GREAT ONE [OC]: 

Very well. Very well, advance. 

(The Doctor walks around a corner and sees the universes biggest spider.) 

DOCTOR: 

I've brought you the crystal. 

Now why don't you just take it and leave the humans in peace, both here and on Earth? 

GREAT ONE: 

You think I care for the puny plans of my subjects? Earth? 

One paltry planet among millions? 

Give me the crystal. 

I thirst for it! 

I ache for it! 

DOCTOR: 

Well, why is it so important to you? 

GREAT ONE: 

You see this web of crystal above my head? 

It reproduces the pattern of my brain. 

One perfect crystal and it will be complete. 

That is the perfect crystal I need. 

DOCTOR: 

And then? 

GREAT ONE: 

My every thought will resonate within the web, and grow in power until, until, until....!!!

DOCTOR: 

But you've built a positive feedback circuit. You're trying to increase your mental powers to infinity. 

GREAT ONE: 

Exactly! 

I shall be the ruler of the entire universe! 

DOCTOR: 

Now listen to me. Listen. 

I haven't got much time left. 

What you're trying to do is impossible. 

If you complete that circuit, the energy will build up and up until it cannot be contained. 

You will destroy yourself. 

GREAT ONE:

 You waste the little time remaining to you. 

Even now the cave of crystal is destroying the cells of your body. 

I will grant you one last favour. 

You may watch the completion of my triumph before you die! 

(The crystal flies out of the Doctor's hand and becomes the keystone of the web lattice.) 

GREAT ONE: 

I am complete! 

Now I am total power! 

All praise to the Great One! 

DOCTOR: 

Stop. Stop! 

Don't you see what's happened to you? 

GREAT ONE: 

All praise to the Great One! 

All praise to me! Bow down before me, planets! 

Bow down, stars! 

Bow down, all galaxies and worship the Great One! 

The me! The Great, all-powerful me! 

Argh! 

(The giant spider starts to glow red.) 

GREAT ONE: 

I hurt! Help me! 

I am burning! My brain is on fire! 

(The Doctor runs out of the cave.) 

GREAT ONE: 

Help me!

DOCTOR: 

Compressed information, streaming into her. Reports from every city, every country, every planet, and they all get packaged inside her head. She becomes part of the software. Her brain is the computer. 

ROSE:

 If it all goes through her, she must be a genius. 

DOCTOR: 

Nah, she wouldn't remember any of it. There's too much. Her head'd blow up. 

The brain's the processor. As soon as it closes, she forgets. 

ROSE: 

So, what about all these people round the edge? 

DOCTOR: 

They've all got tiny little chips in their head, connecting them to her and they transmit six hundred channels. 

Every single fact in the Empire beams out of this place. 

Now that's what I call power. 

EDITOR: 

I started without you. 

This is fascinating. 

Satellite Five contains every piece of information within the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. 

Birth certificates, shopping habits, bank statements, but you two, you don't exist. 

Not a trace. No birth, no job, not the slightest kiss. 

How can you walk through the world and not leave a single footprint? 

ROSE: 

Suki. Suki! Hello? 

Can you hear me? Suki? 

What have you done to her? 

DOCTOR: 

I think she's dead. 

ROSE: 

She's working. 

DOCTOR: 

They've all got chips in their head, and the chips keep going, like puppets. 

EDITOR: 

Oh! You're full of information. But it's only fair we get some information back, because apparently, you're no one. It's so rare not to know something. Who are you? 

DOCTOR: 

It doesn't matter, because we're off. 

Nice to meet you. Come on. 

(Suki grabs Rose's arm. Two other zombies grab the Doctor.) 

EDITOR: Tell me who you are. 

DOCTOR: Since that information's keeping us alive, I'm hardly going to say, am I. 

EDITOR: Well, perhaps my Editor in Chief can convince you otherwise. 

DOCTOR: And who's that? 

EDITOR: 

It may interest you to know that this is not the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. In fact, it's not actually human at all. It's merely a place where humans happen to live. 

(Growl, snarl.) 

EDITOR: 

Yeah. Yeah, sorry. It's a place where humans are allowed to live by kind permission of my client. 

(Who we finally see is a giant lump hanging from the ceiling, with a very nasty set of teeth in a mouth on the end of a pseudopod.) 

ROSE: What is that? 

DOCTOR: You mean that thing's in charge of Satellite Five? 

EDITOR: That thing, as you put it, is in charge of the human race. For almost a hundred years, mankind has been shaped and guided, his knowledge and ambition strictly controlled by it's broadcast news, edited by my superior, your master, and humanity's guiding light, the mighty Jagrafess of the Holy Hadrojassic Maxarodenfoe. I call him Max. 

(Down on Floor 139 Adam avoids Cathica as she goes to take another look at the schematic that the Doctor called up. Then she goes to the lift and punches in the code for Floor 500. 

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Rose have been placed in hefty sets of manacles.) 

EDITOR: Create a climate of fear and it's easy to keep the borders closed. It's just a matter of emphasis. The right word in the right broadcast repeated often enough can destabilise an economy, invent an enemy, change a vote. 

ROSE: So all the people on Earth are like, slaves. 

EDITOR: Well, now, there's an interesting point. Is a slave a slave if he doesn't know he's enslaved? 

DOCTOR: Yes. 

EDITOR: Oh. I was hoping for a philosophical debate. Is that all I'm going to get? Yes? 

DOCTOR: Yes. 

EDITOR: You're no fun. 

DOCTOR: Let me out of these manacles. You'll find out how much fun I am. 

EDITOR: Oh, he's tough, isn't he. But, come on. Isn't it a great system? You've got to admire it, just a little bit. 

ROSE: You can't hide something on this scale. Somebody must have noticed. 

EDITOR: From time to time, someone, yes, but the computer chip system allows me to see inside their brains. I can see the smallest doubt and crush it. 

(Cathica arrives on Floor 500. Adam goes to the broadcast room on 139.) 

EDITOR: Then they just carry on, living the life, strutting about downstairs and all over the surface of the Earth like they're so individual, when of course, they're not. They're just cattle. In that respect, the Jagrafess hasn't changed a thing. 

(The Doctor and Rose spot Cathica behind the Editor's back.) 

ROSE: What about you? You're not a Jagrabelly 

DOCTOR: Jagrafess. 

ROSE: Jagrafess. You're not a Jagrafess. You're human. 

EDITOR: Yeah, well, simply being human doesn't pay very well. 

ROSE: But you couldn't have done this all on your own. 

EDITOR: No. I represent a consortium of banks. Money prefers a long-term investment. Also, the Jagrafess needed a little hand to install himself. 

DOCTOR: No wonder, a creature that size. What's his life span? 

EDITOR: Three thousand years. 

DOCTOR: That's one hell of a metabolism generating all that heat. That's why Satellite Five's so hot. You pump it out of the creature, channel it downstairs. Jagrafess stays cool, it stays alive. Satellite Five is one great big life support system.

[Adam's home]

(Adam settles in the broadcast chair and opens his portal, then phones home.) 

ADAM [OC]: It's me again. Don't wipe this message. It's just going to sound like white noise, but save it because I can

[Newsroom]

ADAM: Translate it, okay? Three, two, one and spike. 

(Information beams into Adam.)

[Floor 500]

EDITOR: But that's why you're so dangerous. Knowledge is power, but you remain unknown. Who are you? 

(The Editor snaps his fingers and energy surges through the manacles. Back in the now, the little dog watches energy encircling the telephone answering machine.) 

DOCTOR: Leave her alone. I'm the Doctor, she's Rose Tyler. We're nothing, we're just wandering. 

EDITOR: Tell me who you are! 

DOCTOR: I just said! 

EDITOR: Yes, but who do you work for? Who sent you? Who knows about us? Who exactly 

(He stops. The Jagrafess growls.) 

EDITOR: Time Lord. 

DOCTOR: What? 

EDITOR: Oh, yes. The last of the Time Lords in his travelling machine. Oh, with his little human girl from long ago 

DOCTOR: You don't know what you're talking about. 

EDITOR: Time travel.

[Newsroom]

(Adam screams as information is sucked out of his brain.) 

ADAM: Help!

[Floor 500]

DOCTOR: Someone's been telling you lies. 

EDITOR: Young master Adam Mitchell? 

(The Editor calls up the holo-monitor showing Adam in the broadcast chair.) 

ROSE: Oh, my God. His head! 

DOCTOR: What the hell's he done? What the hell's he gone and done? They're reading his mind. He's telling them everything. 

EDITOR: And through him, I know everything about you. Every piece of information in his head is now mine. And you have infinite knowledge, Doctor. The Human Empire is tiny compared to what you've seen in your T A R D I S. Tardis. 

DOCTOR: Well, you'll never get your hands on it. I'll die first. 

EDITOR: Die all you like. I don't need you. I've got the key. 

(The Tardis key rises from Adam's pocket.) 

DOCTOR: You and your boyfriends! 

EDITOR: Today, we are the headlines. We can rewrite history. We could prevent mankind from ever developing. 

DOCTOR: And no one's going to stop you because you've bred a human race that doesn't bother to ask questions. Stupid little slaves, believing every lie. They'll just trot right into the slaughter house if they're told it's made of gold. 

(The Jagrafess snarls, and Cathica leaves.)

Don’t Be Sorry, Make it Right

Sorry! is a Game of NEGATION

Making Amends has nothing to do with saying “I’m Sorry”.

Crucial Point.

https://www.etymonline.com/word/sorry#etymonline_v_23908

Plot

Sorry! is based around Timothy Lumsden who, 41 years old in the first three series (his age increased to 42 and then 48 in subsequent series – Corbett was actually 50-57 during the series’ run), is a librarian who still lives at home with his domineering mother Phyllis and henpecked father Sidney. Although quite shy around women, Timothy longs to find love and leave home, but Phyllis is always against the idea, and constantly manipulates her son into staying at home. One of the running gags of the series is Sidney frequently shouting “Language, Timothy!” when he feels Timothy has said something inappropriate (though most times nobody would typically find the words even close to offensive). Timothy usually responds “Sorry father”, but sometimes snaps “Shut up, father!” to which Sidney always replies “Fair enough”.

In contrast, Timothy’s friend Frank and sister Muriel urge Timothy to stand up to his mother once and for all. Muriel had successfully left home, and married Kevin, and as a result is viewed with distrust by her mother.

Classic rules

1. Each player chooses four pawns of one colour and places them in their Start. One player is selected to play first.
2. Each player in turn draws one card from the deck and follows its instructions. To begin the game, all of a player’s four pawns are restricted to Start; a player can only move them out onto the rest of the board if he or she draws a 1 or 2 card. A 1 or a 2 places a pawn on the space directly outside of start (a 2 does not entitle the pawn to move a second space).
3. A pawn can jump over any other pawn during its move. However, two pawns cannot occupy the same square; a pawn that lands on a square occupied by another player’s pawn “bumps” that pawn back to its own Start. Players can not bump their own pawns back to Start; if the only way to complete a move would result in a player bumping their own pawn, the player’s pawns remain in place and the player loses their turn.
4. If a pawn lands at the start of a slide (except those of its own colour), either by direct movement or as the result of a switch from an 11 card or a Sorry card, it immediately “slides” to the last square of the slide. All pawns on all spaces of the slide (including those belonging to the sliding player) are sent back to their respective Starts.4
5. The last five squares before each player’s Home are “Safety Zones”, and are specially coloured corresponding to the colours of the Homes they lead to. Access is limited to pawns of the same colour. Pawns inside the Safety Zones are immune to being bumped by opponents’ pawns or being switched with opponents’ pawns via 11 or Sorry! cards. However, if a pawn is forced via a 10 or 4 card to move backwards out of the Safety Zone, it is no longer considered “danger” and may be bumped by or switched with opponents’ pawns as usual until it re-enters the Safety Zone.

2013 Edition rule changes

In the 2013 Edition, several rules were changed. Each player only has three pawns. A pawn can be moved out from Start upon any positive number card. A Sorry! card gives the alternative option of moving forward 4 spaces. The 2 card no longer allows one to pull another card.

Furthermore, two additional items known as Fire and Ice were added, and depending on which card is drawn, can be placed on certain pawns on the board, modifying the playing rules for those pawns. In short, fire gives a pawn the ability to move ahead quickly before the player’s turn, and ice stops a pawn from being moved (or removed from play) at all.

There are some corner cases that are not well explained in the rules, such as “What happens to fire if one pawn removes the pawn with fire by landing on its square?”. Should the fire be set back to out of play, or should it transfer to the attacking pawn?

Classic cards and function

The modern deck contains 45 cards: there are five 1 cards as well as four each of the other cards (Sorry!, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, 11 and 12). The 6s or 9s are kept out to avoid confusion. The first edition of the game had 44 cards (four of each) and the extra 1 card was soon introduced as an option for quicker play.5 A 1996 board from Waddingtons had 5 of each card.

Cards are annotated with the following actions:

1	Move ice6, then either move a pawn from Start or move a pawn one space forward.
2	Move fire6, then either move a pawn from Start or move a pawn two spaces forward. Drawing a two entitles the player to draw again at the end of their turn. If the player cannot use a two to move, he or she can still draw again.
3	Move a pawn three spaces forward.
4	Move a pawn four spaces backward.
5	Move a pawn five spaces forward.
7	Move one pawn seven spaces forward, or split the seven spaces between two pawns (such as four spaces for one pawn and three for another). This makes it possible for two pawns to enter Home on the same turn, for example. The seven cannot be used to move a pawn out of Start, even if the player splits it into a six and one or a five and two. The entire seven spaces must be used or the turn is lost. You may not move backwards with a split.
8	Move a pawn eight spaces forward.
10	Move a pawn ten spaces forward or one space backward. If none of a player’s pawns can move forward 10 spaces, then one pawn must move back one space.
11	Move eleven spaces forward, or switch the places of one of the player’s own pawns and an opponent’s pawn. A player who cannot move 11 spaces is not forced to switch and instead can forfeit the turn. An 11 cannot be used to switch a pawn that is in a Safety Zone.
12	Move a pawn twelve spaces forward.
Sorry! card	Take any one pawn from Start and move it directly to a square occupied by any opponent’s pawn, sending that pawn back to its own Start. A Sorry! card cannot be used on an opponent’s pawn in a Safety Zone. If there are no pawns on the player’s Start, or no opponent’s pawns on any space you can move to, the turn is forfeited.4

View Table

Strategy

Players who have a pawn that has not moved too far away from its start area, and draw a card that allows them to move a pawn backward, can (and should) elect to move this pawn backward. Move a pawn in such a situation backward enough, and the pawn is suddenly almost home.

The 7 can be split; it is often possible to do so such that one of the pieces ends up on a slide, thus increasing the value of this card. It also provides an additional opportunity for pawns to get Home, so long as there’s another pawn on the board to use up the remaining spaces.

All other things being equal, moves that cause a pawn to end up in front of an opponent’s start square are poor choices, due to the high number of cards that allow that opponent to enter. Some feel that leaving a pawn on one’s own square just outside “Start” (also known as the “Dot”) is a poor position to be in since new pawns are blocked from entering play.

There are numerous strategies and tactics employed by skilled players. One such strategy is to leave the last pawn in the “Start” square and move the other pawns around the board while waiting for a “Sorry” card.

Due to the 11 (switching places), 4 (moving backwards, as noted above), and “Sorry” (allowing the player to send virtually any pawn back to its start) cards, the lead in the game can change dramatically in a short amount of time; players are very rarely so far behind as to be completely out of the game. This should be considered when playing a “Sorry” or an 11.

Slowing the game down is a risky yet effective move when given the opportunity. Essentially, when a player has the chance to switch with or hit the apparent leader, even though the move will not be to the player’s immediate advancement around the board, the move should be made to keep the leader out of “Safety” and more importantly, out of “Home”.