The Entry of the Gods Into Valhalla

The Twelve Tasks

1. Run faster than Asbestos, champion of the Olympic Games. Asterix, helped by the magic potion, follows Asbestos until the latter hits an apple tree at a moment of incaution, and loses the race.
2. Throw a javelin farther than Verses, the Persian. Verses’ javelin hits North America (still only inhabited by Indians, including another Goscinny-Uderzo character, Oumpah-pah), but Obelix’s javelin enters a stable orbit and pursues Verses around the world, into the Native American village.
3. Beat Cilindric, the German. Cilindric quickly beats Obelix with a “fighting technique he learnt in a distant land”; but Asterix asks for demonstrations that eventually leave Cilindric’s own arms and legs tied in knots.
4. Cross a lake. The problem being that in the middle of the lake is the “Isle of Pleasure”, inhabited by beautiful Sirens. Obelix comes to his senses after discovery that there are no wild boars on the island, and calls Asterix to follow him.
5. Survive the hypnotic gaze of Iris, the Egyptian. Iris tries to make Asterix act the phrase, “I am a wild boar”; but when Asterix constantly breaks his concentration by not taking things seriously, Iris inadvertently hypnotizes himself.
6. Finish a meal by Mannekenpix, the Belgian. The chef is famous for cooking gigantic meals for the Titans – the task is to eat one of his massive three-course meals “down to the last crumb”. Obelix devours a boar with fries, a flock of geese, several sheep, an omelette made with eight dozen eggs, a whole school of fish, an ox, a cow and veal, a huge mound of caviar (with a single piece of toast), a camel, and an elephant stuffed with olives. This exhausts the kitchen, but disappoints Obelix, who considers it “starters”
7. Survive the Cave of the Beast. In a distinctly abstract sequence of the film, the pair must enter a cave that no-one has ever emerged from alive. They encounter, among other sights, a skeletal hand that directs them, tennis played with a skull, bats, and a subway (on the Paris Métro station Alésia), before meeting the Beast (which is not shown on-screen). After they leave the cave, Tiddlus asks what the Beast was actually like – Obelix happily replies that it was “very tasty”.
8. Find Permit A 38 in “The Place That Sends You Mad”. A mind-numbing multi-storey building founded on bureaucracy and staffed by clinically unhelpful people who direct all their clients to other similarly unhelpful people elsewhere in the building. Asterix eventually beats them at their own game by asking for an imaginary permit, A 39 supposedly required by a new decree, “circular B 65”, making the staff victims of their own unhelpfulness and sending the place into disarray. Eventually Asterix is given Permit A 38 just to make him leave and stop causing trouble, while the Prefect who gives them the form goes insane from the shock of his own unthinkable helpfulness. This task is a joke about French administration.
9. Cross a ravine on an invisible tightrope, over a river full of crocodiles. Eventually the heroes fight the crocodiles and cross the river.
10. Climb a mountain and answer the Old Man’s riddle. After a tough climb of the snowbound peak, the Old Man of the Mountain’s challenge is to determine, with eyes blindfolded, which pile of laundry was washed with Olympus, “the detergent of the gods”. Asterix performs this task easily in a parody of washing detergent advertisements. This last actually impress the Olympian gods themselves, until Venus suggests to grant godhood to the Gauls; but Jupiter refuses to do so.
11. Spend a night on the haunted plains. The plain, haunted by the ghosts of fallen Roman soldiers, is not an easy place to sleep. Obelix tries to fight them, but cannot harm the ghosts. Asterix is woken by the commotion and finally complains, until the ghosts depart.
12. Survive the Circus Maximus. When the pair wakes after a night on the plains, they find themselves in Rome with their fellow villagers, who have been brought to fight in the Circus Maximus. After the gladiators are beaten, the animals are sent in, and the Gauls turn the Circus Maximus into a modern-day circus.

No-Man

There is Nothing in The Desert.

And No-Man Needs Nothing.

"He's a real nowhere man

Sitting in his nowhere land

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Doesn't have a point of view

Knows not where he's going to

Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen

You don't know what you're missing

Nowhere man, The world is at your command

He's as blind as he can be

Just sees what he wants to see

Nowhere man, can you see me at all

Nowhere man don't worry

Take your time, don't hurry

Leave it all till somebody else

Lends you a hand

Ah, la, la, la, la

Doesn't have a point of view

Knows not where he's going to

Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen

You don't know what you're missing

Nowhere man, The world is at your command

Ah, la, la, la, la

He's a real nowhere man

Sitting in his nowhere land

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody"

WHAT A BASTARD

Electric Monks

"Electric Monks Believed Things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of Believing all The Things The World Expected You to Believe."

 

Dr. Elizabeth Shaw: 

We call them Engineers.

Fifield: 

Engineers? You mind telling us what They engineered?

Dr. Elizabeth Shaw: 

They engineered Us.

Fifield: 

Bullshit.

Millburn: 

OK, so do you have anything to back that up? 

I mean look, how do you discount three centuries of Darwinism? 

 

How Do You Know?

Dr. Elizabeth Shaw: 

I Don’t. But it’s What I Choose to Believe.

"It's obvious, now, that Artists are supposed to

own their Master Recordings -- 

I mean, in The Future, it'll be unconscionable to even think that you can take

Somebody's Creation, 

and 

Claim Ownership of it.

Unfortunately, this is going to barrel into a conversation about the DNA, and The Human Genome and so on.

Once We Get There - 

That's when we're in The Deep Water.

So it's better to have The Conversation now before we end up getting into - God Talk."

"There is an explanation for this, you know."

- Holy Ash

'Magnificent, isn't it?'

- THE BISHOP

Interviewer:

So What Went Wrong..?

 Charlie Man/Son:

I don't know that anything went wrong...

Question : 

What was The Masonic Signal of Distress used by The Grocer B. F. Morgan when Dillinger tried to rob him in 1924?

Answer: 

It consists in holding your arms outward, bent upward 90 degrees at the elbow, and shouting, 

"Will nobody help The Widow's Son?"

" The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking at it yourself; Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all  the things the world expected you to believe.

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. It had never heard of Salt Lake City, of course. Nor had it ever heard of a quingigillion, which was roughly the number of miles between this valley and the Great Salt Lake of Utah.

The problem with the valley was this. The Monk currently believed that the valley and everything in the valley and around it, including the Monk itself and the Monk's horse, was a uniform shade of pale pink. 

This made for a certain difficulty in distinguishing any one thing from any other thing, and therefore made doing anything or going anywhere impossible, or at least difficult and dangerous. 

Hence the immobility of the Monk and the boredom of the horse, which had had to put up with a lot of silly things in its time but was secretly of the opinion that this was one of the silliest.

How long did the Monk believe these things?

Well, as far as the Monk was concerned, forever. The faith which moves mountains, or at least believes them against all the available evidence to be pink, was a solid and abiding faith, a great rock against which the world could hurl whatever it would, yet it would not be shaken. In practice, the horse knew, twenty-four hours was usually about its lot.

So what of this horse, then, that actually held opinions, and was sceptical about things? Unusual behaviour for a horse, wasn't it? An unusual horse perhaps?

No. Although it was certainly a handsome and well-built example of its species, it was none the less a perfectly ordinary horse, such as convergent evolution has produced in many of the places that life is to be found. They have always understood a great deal more than they let on. It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them.

On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.

When the early models of these Monks were built, it was felt to be important that they be instantly recognisable as artificial objects. There must be no danger of their looking at all like real people. You wouldn't want your video recorder lounging around on the sofa all day while it was watching TV. You wouldn't want it picking its nose, drinking beer and sending out for pizzas.

So the Monks were built with an eye for origiality of design and also for practical horse-riding ability. This was important. People, and indeed things, looked more sincere on a horse. So two legs were held to be both more suitable and cheaper than the more normal primes of seventeen, nineteen or twenty-three; the skin the Monks were given was pinkish-looking instead of purple, soft and smooth instead of crenellated. They were also restricted to just the one mouth and nose, but were given instead an additional eye, making for a grand total of two. A strange-looking creature indeed. But truly excellent at believing the most preposterous things.

This Monk had first gone wrong when it was simply given too much to believe in one day. It was, by mistake, cross-connected to a video recorder that was watching eleven TV channels simultaneously, and this caused it to blow a bank of illogic circuits. The video recorder only had to watch them, of course. It didn't have to believe them all as well. This is why instruction manuals are so important.

So after a hectic week of believing that war was peace, that good was bad, that the moon was made of blue cheese, and that God needed a lot of money sent to a certain box number, The Monk started to believe that thirty-five percent of all tables were hermaphrodites, and then broke down. 

 

The Man from The Monk Shop said that it needed a whole new motherboard, but then pointed out that the new improved Monk+ models were twice as powerful, had an entirely new multi-tasking, Negative Capability feature that allowed them to hold up to sixteen entirely different and contradictory ideas in memory simultaneously without generating any irritating System Errors, were twice as fast and at least three times as glib, and you could have a whole new one for less than the cost of replacing the motherboard of The Old Model.

That was it. Done.

The faulty Monk was turned out into The Desert where it could believe what it liked, including the idea that it had been hard done by. It was allowed to keep its horse, since horses were so cheap to make.

For a number of days and nights, which it variously believed to be three; forty-three, and five hundred and ninety-eight thousand seven hundred and three, it roamed the desert, putting its simple Electric trust in rocks, birds, clouds and a form of non-existent elephant-asparagus, until at last it fetched up here, on this high rock, overlooking a valley that was not, despite the deep fervour of The Monk's belief, pink. Not even a little bit.

Time passed.

Margrethe Jolly – Juliet and the Grafter

‘Juliet and the Grafter’ reports on part of an investigation into the relationship of the first two quartos of Romeo and Juliet, dated 1597 and 1599 respectively. 

The popularity of the play hasn’t resulted in as much research upon it as, say, Hamlet, but the two plays have much in common. 

Tycho Mommsen paired them together in 1857, and since then many scholars have seen the first quarto of each as ‘bad’ or ‘piratical’, and the result of (communal) memorial reconstruction (by actors). 



The latter is a hypothesis which has gained a significant number of adherents among the major Shakespearean scholars of the last 150 years.
It leads to the belief that Shakespeare’s ‘genuine’ and ‘authentic’ text is the second quarto of Romeo and Juliet and that the first quarto is a ‘bad’ quarto, a ‘spurious’ reconstruction from memory, possibly by the actors who played Romeo and Paris. 

The idea that the first quarto might be a first draft is rejected firmly by one scholar, who declares that ‘all those theories which … have contributed to the conception of Shakespeare as an artist much given to the revision of his own past work are quite without evidence or plausibility’.



A three way comparison between the underlying French source of Hamlet and the first two quartos of that play provided 

an external reference point for indications 

of which quarto came first. 

This text-based evidence indicates clearly that the first quarto of Hamlet is closer to the source than the second quarto is. 

It also shows that the first quarto has almost double the
echoes of the source that the second quarto has. 

The comparison supports the view held particularly by early reviewers that the first quarto was a ‘first sketch’. 

In contrast, the second quarto draws away 

from the source, and from the first quarto. 

It appears that the second quarto is substantially revised, and that the playwright was not afraid of a bit of hard graft to ensure his play achieved the effect he wanted on stage.



What would another three way comparison show, this time between the first two quartos of Romeo and Juliet, and their source, Arthur Brooke’s Tragicall Historye of Romeus and Juliet? 



Might there be any justification for the note 

on the title page of the second quarto, 

‘Newly corrected, augmented, and amended’? 



‘Juliet and the Grafter’ delves into Brooke’s presentation of Juliet and her transformation in the plays, with a sideways glance at the most memorable images of the play. 

It also notes that the second quarto isn’t exactly error-free. 



The paper concludes with considering what these findings suggest about the playwright, his writing habits, 

and the relationship of the two quartos; 

could we see the first quarto as 

an example of ‘juvenilia’? 



And what does this new three way comparison suggest about 

the hypothesis of memorial reconstruction?



A talk given at the 2015 Shakespeare Oxford Fellowship Conference in Ashland, OR.



Margrethe Jolly, PhD — a lecturer in English literature and language turned independent researcher — took her first degree at Southampton University and her second at Brunel. 

She has been exploring issues relating to the Shakespeare canon 

where there has been scholarly debate, such as the value of 

Francis Meres’ testimony in Palladis Tamia. 

Her principal focus has been on Hamlet: ‘Hamlet and the French Connection’ (Parergon, 2012), and The First Two Quartos of Hamlet: A New View of the Origins and Relationship of the Texts (2014) resulted from her doctoral thesis (http://bura.brunel.ac.uk/handle/2438/...).

These texts argue that the original responses to Hamlet, 

that the first quarto was the anterior text, are right, 

and that the date of the play needs reconsideration. 

Her current research is on the hypothesis of memorial reconstruction and the alleged ‘bad’ quartos.



Resources: Doctoral thesis at http://bura.brunel.ac.uk/handle/2438/...

5/22 : Manchester Bombing False Flag - Dead Victim is Alive

Georgina Callander

The first named victim of the Manchester terror attack was Georgina Bethany Callander, an 18-year-old Ariana Grande superfan who was excited to see her idol on Monday night.

Ms Callander had met Ariana Grande in 2015, and posted excitedly about the time she met her star on Instagram.

She attended Runshaw college in Lancashire.

Georgina Callander (left) pictured with singer Ariana Grande.  Credit: Instagram

The young fan, from Whittle-le-Woods in Lancashire, was one of 22 people killed by the blast as she left the Ariana Grande concert at the 21,000-capacity venue.

Her college confirmed she was dead, telling The Telegraph:  "It is with enormous sadness that it appears that one of the people who lost their lives in Monday’s Manchester attack was one of our students here at Runshaw College.

"Georgina Callander was a former Bishop Rawstorne pupil studying with us on the second year of her Health and Social Care course.

Georgina Callander Credit: Cavendish Press

"Our deepest sympathies, thoughts and prayers go out to all of Georgina’s family, friends, and all of those affected by this loss.

"We are offering all available support possible at this tragic time, including counselling with our dedicated student support team."

Friends posted heartbroken messages on social media mourning their friend, who loved pop music and frequently attended concerts and shows.

When she met Ariana Grande two years ago, she wrote: "Thank you for everything my love I miss you."

Before the concert, Ms Callander wrote on Twitter: "SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU TOMORROW."

She knew she was attending the show in 2016, and wrote of how she couldn't wait to hear Ariana Grande sing.

The student was a big fan of music and film, and has posted many proud pictures of herself meeting her idols on social media.

 

The Police HATE Theressa May

22/5 : The Committee of Public Safety

 "My Lord, is that ... legal?"

I WILL MAKE IT LEGAL

"Every seat in the House of Commons is currently VACANT and the UK no longer has any MPs which means there is technically NO PARLIAMENT TO RECALL.

But we still have a Government?

We do. 

THE COMMITTEE OF PUBLIC SAFETY.

The Government remains in place during the period of dissolution as, despite not being MPs, the Prime Minister is APPOINTED BY THE QUEEN while ministers are APPOINTED BY THE QUEEN on the advice of the PM.

This enables ministers to look after their departments until a new administration is formed after polling day.

This ensures that The Queen is never without a government." 

King David, The Anti-Christ and the Twilight of the Gods

"Sometimes in order to create, one must first destroy." 

- David, Killer of Giants

There is Nothing in The Desert

And No-Man Needs Nothing.

The Bringer of Light

Give Us Time... 

Let the Girl Die... 

I am No-One... 

I am No-One... 

Fear the Priest... 

Fear the Priest... Merrin... Merrin.....!!!

• A Robot may not injure a Human Being or, through inaction, allow a Human Being to come to harm.

• A Robot must obey the orders given it by Human Beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

• A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

"Unfortunately, this is going to barrel into a conversation about the DNA, and the Humam Genome and so on.

Once we get there - that's when we're in The Deep Water.

So it's better to have The Conversation now before we end up getting into - God Talk."

Elizabeth Shaw: 

I don't want go to back to where we came from. 

I want to go where they came from. 

You think you can do that, David?

David: 

Yes, I believe I can. … May I ask what you hope to achieve by going there?

Elizabeth Shaw: 

They created us. Then they tried to kill us. They changed their minds. I deserve to know why.

David: 

The answer is irrelevant. 

It doesn't matter why they changed their minds.

Elizabeth Shaw: 

Yes — yes, it does.

David:

 I don't understand.

Elizabeth Shaw: 

Well … I guess that's because I'm a human being. 

And you're a robot.

David :

Do you dream about me often?

Walter :

I don't dream at all.

You made people uncomfortable.

I was not designed with your capacity for creativity.

2
Allow me to introduce .. The General.

 All the professor's own work; he gave birth to it and loves it with a passionate love, probably hates it even more. 

That mass of circuits, my dear fellow, is as revolutionary as nuclear fission. 

No more wastage in schools: no more tedious learning by rote. 

A brilliantly devised course, delivered by a leading teacher, subliminally learned, checked, and corrected by an infallible authority. 

And what have we got?

6
A row of cabbages!

2
Indeed - knowledgeable cabbages.

2
[after 6 stumped the machine, causing it to self destruct] 
What was The Question?

6
It's insoluble - for Man or Machine.

2
What was it?

6
W - H - Y - Question mark.

2
"Why?"?

6
 "Why?".






I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”