Showing posts with label The Fam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Fam. Show all posts

Wednesday 27 February 2019

The Members of The Fam : Yaz, The Damsel





A young Police Constable approaches two squabbling women. Her attitude to policing seems to channel Sgt Cawood from Happy Valley.

SONIA: 
She smashed it with a hammer!

JANEY: 
Cos you keyed me nearside door!

SONIA: 
Because you parked in my spot!

JANEY: 
It's not your spot. 
There are no spots.

YAZ: 
Ladies, please! 
Thank you. 

Can I suggest a simple solution? 

 “ Never Ask for Permission, It’s a Complete Waste of Time. ” 
— Tony Benn 

You pay for her cracked window,
 you pay for her scratched door, 
and we all agree that parking round here is a nightmare —

But that grown-ups really shouldn't need to call The Police to sort it out for them. 

Now, if we're all agreed on that, 
there's no need for me to take any further Police Action and we can all get on with our lives. 

What do you reckon?

[Police car / Police station]

YASMIN: 
I'm just saying,  
I am capable of more 
 than parking disputes.

RAMESH: 
And I keep telling you, 
Don't run before you can walk. 

You're a probationer, Yaz. 
Learn The Basics.

From Who? (See What I Did There..?)  
— She was sent out to attend the parking incident solo, so she already  knows “The Basics of Routine Community-Policing”, well enoughto do it unsupervised, without additional officers or back-up, whilst sleep-walking underwater, and with the lights off for the entire street, as well as the next 3 streets on either side. 

She Doesn’t Need Supervision
And They Know That.
Because She’s unpartnered — and out there on her own.

YAZ : 
I want to do more

Can you not get them to give me something that'll test me? 

Something a bit different.

RAMESH: 
There is something that just came in....
If you want ‘different’....




"T'Kuvma knew that the most powerful empire was a united empire. Twenty-four houses working as one. He believed the quickest way to bring us together was war with the Federation. 

But in this fight, we have lost our way. A new leader is needed to fulfill my lord's vision. 

I am that leader."


– L'Rell, 2257 
"Will You Take My Hand?"


Damsel #1 :
[in English] 
Scream.
I said, scream.

Damsel #2 :
No.
[both screaming] 

[guard laughs]  
[retreating footsteps] 

Damsel #1 :
Good.
You were convincing.
The guard is gone.
Now we can talk.


What happens to those who Starfleet captures? 

Damsel #2 :
In war? They're imprisoned.
Interrogated, humanely.
Eventually, they're returned to their people as part of any final peace settlement.

Damsel #1 :
So, you do not execute them.

Damsel #2 :
The Federation has no death penalty.

Damsel #1 :
I wish to defect.
There's nothing here for me now.
The p'taQ my people now follow has no honor.
It is because of Kol I am alone.
I had like-minded brothers and sisters.
Even the one chosen by Lord T'Kuvma to be his successor.
But he was chased away.
Forever gone.
Everyone is gone.
My vessel is in a nearby hangar.
Kahless willing, we will use it to both escape with our lives, and you will guarantee me safe passage onto your ship.

Damsel #2 :
My ship?

Damsel #1 :
 Discovery.
I know its shuttle delivered you to the trap on Cancri IV.

Damsel #2 :
Why should I trust you? - 

Damsel #1 :
Because we need each other, Admiral.
And what other option do you have? 

Damsel #2 :
Certain we can get to your ship undetected? 


Damsel #1 :
I know this vessel as if it were my home.
It was my home, once.
First I am ensuring the end of Kol's days.
He neglected T'Kuvma's message.
He desecrated this vessel with his fetid presence.
Before we depart, I will set the ship's warp core to overload.

Damsel #2 :
 He really disappointed you.

Damsel #1 :
He disgusts me.
My only regret is that I will not be able to see his pretty painted face as he takes his final breath.


[in Klingon] 
L'Rell, where are you taking the prisoner? 

Damsel #1 :
You were not what I expected.

Damsel #2 :
Neither were you.
[L'Rell grunting] [groans] 

Damsel #1 :
At least you won't die in a cage, Admiral.

 [yells] - [electricity sizzling] 

[in Klingon] 
She took my blade and tried to escape.
I will dispose of the body.



(WHOOSHES OPEN) 
(DOOR WHOOSHES SHUT) 

Damsel #1 :
You live.

Damsel #2 :
And you finally made it aboard the USS Discovery, 
though I suspect you've found 
the accommodations lacking.

Damsel #1 :
Even from a cage, 
Kahless Hears My Call.


Damsel #2 :
I do not subscribe to Your Ideals.

And yet, I feel as though 
You and I understand 
each other.

Damsel #1 :
T'Kuvma taught that 
all humans are 
without Courage.

About this
He was Wrong.

Damsel #2 :
I want to be Truthful with You.
Your Side is winning.

When we met, you had 
nothing but contempt 
for the crumbling leadership 
of The Klingon Empire.

Damsel #1 :
T'Kuvma sought to strengthen 
and unify The Great Houses.
If he has succeeded in only this, 
it is cause for celebration.

Damsel #2 :
Your Great Houses are carving up 
Federation assets among their factions —
A captured starbase 
bears the insignia of House D'Ghor
not of The Klingon Empire.

Is that the kind of unity your messiah proclaimed? 
They think nothing of 
the collateral damage 
caused by their brutal attacks.
They target civilians, 
hospitals, food convoys.
They slaughter innocents and inspire terror across the quadrant.

Damsel #1 :
This is War, not a child's game with rules.
We fight to preserve Klingon Identity.

Damsel #2 :
No one is looking to destroy Your Culture.
Our Laws are founded in Equality.
Freedom.

Damsel #1 :
T'Kuvma taught us that 
The Federation cannot help itself.
It seeks universal homogenization 
and assimilation.

Damsel #2 :
T'Kuvma was an ignorant fool.
And Your People are moving closer and closer 
to My Home Planet.
What are you looking for? 

More Territory? 
Conditional Surrender? 

I mean, Your People won't 
even make demands.

Why? How does This War end

Damsel #1 :
It doesn't.
Klingons have tasted your blood.
Conquer Us or, We will never relent.

Damsel #2 :
Thank You.

Sunday 24 February 2019

The Members of The Fam : Graham, The Elder


'Graham
means 
'Grey Haired One’

That's why Graham is called Graham.


“Since this is The Generations Award, I'm going to cut to The Chase and I am going to speak to you, The Next Generation.









I Accept The Responsibility as Your Elder. 

So, listen up.

1.
"Breathe. 

If you don't, you will suffocate."


2.
"You have a soul. 


Be careful with it."

3.
"Don't be a Turd. 

If you are Strong, be a Protector

If you are Smart, be a Humble Influencer



Strength and Intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against The Weak. 

That makes you a bully. 

Be bigger than that."


4.
"When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won't even know they're eating medicine."


5.
"It doesn't matter what it is. 
Earn it. 

A good deed. 
Reach out to someone in pain. 
Be of service. 

It feels good and it's good for your soul."


6.
"God is Real. 

God Loves You, God Wants The Best for You. 

Believe that, I do."

7.
"If you have to poop at a party, but you're embarrassed because you're going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. 

Lock the door, sit down, get all of the pee out first. 

And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! 

You minimize the amount of time that the poop's touching the air. 

Because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you're peeing on top of it, stirring up the poop particles, create a cloud, goes out, then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. 

Just Trust Me, it's Science."

8.
"Learn to Pray. 

It's easy, and it is so good for your soul."

9.
"Nobody is Perfect. 

People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you 
are, 
YOU ARE NOT! 

You are Imperfect. 

You always will be, but there is a Powerful Force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have Grace




And Grace is a Gift. 

Like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with Somebody Else's Blood

Do Not Forget That. 

Don't take that for granted."





Saturday 23 February 2019

A Natural Aptitude for Nosiness + Gossip

Very handy undercover. 
Set a Woman to catch a Woman.

A cunning ruse, using your innate aptitude for Nosiness and Gossip



Graham Loves His Hat


Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
You will be punished for your interference!
The Trials are sacred.
They are The Will of God!

WILLA:
Is she alive?

(Yasmin checks for a pulse in her neck and shakes her head.)

Our Lady :
I'm sorry.

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE:
Now we have no way of knowing if Mother Twiston was a witch or not.
Guards, whip these wanderers off this bank, and then seize Willa Twiston.
We can take no chances.

Our Lady :
Leave her alone.
I'd bet my life neither of these women are witches.
But you, Mistress Savage are, without question, a murderer.

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
Who are you to address me this way?

Our Lady :
I'll tell you Who I Am.

(Checks her trouser pockets then turns to search her coat.)

Our Lady : 

Sorry, one sec.

(She hold the psychic paper up to Becka.)

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
Witchfinder General?


Our Lady :
That's right. 

Witchfinder General, with my crack team, taking over this village.
Right, gang?

The Elder :
Yeah, cos 

you are in Special Measures.

Our Lady :
Now do you recognise our authority?

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
(dropping a very small curtsey)
I do beg your pardon, Mistress Witchfinder.
Please, come to my home.
We must talk in private.

(The guards sheathe their swords.)

Our Lady :
If you swear not to hurt that girl, or anyone else.

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
If that is your wish, you have The Command.

Our Lady :
Everybody, go home.
This trial is over.

WILLA:
I have to bury her.

(The masked figure has seen everything.)








KING JAMES :
Madam, I have come to your rescue.

(Then removes his mask.)

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
King James!
Your Majesty.


KING JAMES :
You may prostrate yourselves before me, God's chosen ruler and Satan's greatest foe come to vanquish the scourge of witchcraft across the land.

Forgive The Mask.

I have enemies everywhere and have to travel incognito.
Also, I rather like The Drama.

What a peculiar ragbag of folks.
And those garments.
Are you actors?

Our Lady :
We're your witchfinders, sire, as we explained to Mistress Savage.

(The Doctor holds out the psychic paper.)

KING JAMES :

Witchfinder's Assistant?

(to Graham)

So you must be The Witchfinder General.

Our Lady :
What!?

(Starts examining the Psychic Paper)

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
No, she said she was.

KING JAMES :
A woman could never be The General.

Our Lady :
Silly me.
Must've got all confused.
Mustn't I, Boss?

The Elder :
Er, yeah, that's me, sire.
North West Division, promoted from Essex.

KING JAMES :
And these are your underlings.

The Elder :
It's err... very flat team structure.
We all have our areas of expertise.

KING JAMES :
Even the wee lassie?

Our Lady :
Even me.
Very handy undercover.
Set a woman to catch a woman.

KING JAMES :
A cunning ruse, using your innate aptitude for Nosiness and Gossip.
And what is your field of expertise, My Nubian prince?

The Youth :
Er...

KING JAMES :
Torture?

The Youth :
Me?
Er... paperwork mostly, Your Majesty.

KING JAMES :
Paper. How fascinating.
We should talk.

But first, Madam, word has reached me of your battle against Satan, your crusade against witchcraft.
But what I saw today convinced me you need assistance.

Our Lady :
That's what we've just been saying...

KING JAMES :
Hold your tongue, lassie.
Stick to snooping and leave the strategy to your King.
This is no time for The Weak.

Satan preys on The Innocent, even while they sleep.
Together, we must purify your land, starting with the grandchild of the witch you tried today.
A fine plan, is it not?

Mistress BECKA SAVAGE :
A genius plan, Your Majesty.
Together we shall save the souls of my people from Satan,
even if it means killing them all.








SECRETARY: 
So, Mister Pink, did you have a good weekend? 

DANNY
The Pink Soldier : 
Yeah, I did, thanks. 

SECRETARY: 
Yeah, I'll bet you did. 
What did you get up to? 

DANNY
The Pink Soldier : 
Er, you know. 
A bit of reading. 

SECRETARY: 
Oh, I bet you were reading. 

DANNY
The Pink Soldier : 
I was, yeah. 

SECRETARY:
 Yeah, I bet you were. 

DANNY
The Pink Soldier : 
Well, yeah, I was. 

SECRETARY:
 I know your type. 

(A schoolgirl is listening at the public counter.)

COURTNEY: 
She wishes. 

SECRETARY: 
Be quiet, you. 

Sunday 17 February 2019

Aaron

Aaron is the name of The Patriarch, 
who gets everything wrong.

God made him 
A Priest




Pharaoh :
It's True, The Hittite Army has 16,000 troops camped outside Kadesh. 
What's less clear is why


Prince Rameses :
The Hittites are trying 
to cross The Border. 
Obviously. What else would They be doing? 


Anticipating an invasion by us, according to our information. 


They think we are... 
preparing an attack, 
which we are not

What I don't want to do, 
and won't do, is sit here... 
And wait until we're 
fighting Hittite armies 
outside the palace walls. 
Come.


What do the entrails say? 

They don't "say" anything. 
They imply
And that's open to interpretation

So, interpret them —
We'll Win or We Won't
in a preemptive attack? 
It's a Yes or a No

And it's not clear. 
But Something Else is
In The Battle, 
A Leader will be Saved, 
and His Saviour 
will someday lead. 


Then the entrails should also say that we will abandon reason, 
and be guided by omens. 

Great Sekhmet, 
Pharaoh Drinks in Your Name, 
and Prays for Victory 
over The Hittites at Kadesh. 

Your first order of business when the time comes, you retire her. 

I will. I don't know why my father hasn't. 

But, just in case - 
If you see me in any real danger out there, ride the other way. 
I'm serious. 


When I look at you, I still see the two boys who grew up together, close as brothers. 

If, for any reason you ever forget that... 
Let these remind you. 
Long enough to be effective from horseback, 
not so long that you trip over them.

This is his. 
You've got mine. 

That's right. That's how I want it. 


You have each other's, to keep each other safe. 
Promise me you'll do that... always. 

 






Treat me like a fool...

Elvis' Dead Twin Brother was Aaron Presley.

Vernon and Gladys named their surviving son Elvis Aron Presley, so that their son would always remember the duties and responsibility placed upon him to live TWO Lives for the Second Soul he was born into This World.

The King has TWO SOULS - See Richard II

The King took up residence in Memphis, building his Palace upon a Land of Grace.



[The Palace of GRACE]
 


The Elder:
Whoops.
 
The Elder: 
You've landed on my chair!
 
Our Lady: 
Sorry.
 
The Elder :
You've broke my chair!
 
Our Lady : 
Well, if you will leave chairs around the place.
 
The Elder : 
This is my front room!

 
Our Lady : 
Where's your kitchen? 
I just need to get some eggs 
to check the protein alignments in the goo.
 
(Graham points, and the doorbell rings.)

Our Lady :
 
Oh! Is that your intruder alert or mine?
 
Orion : 
It's the doorbell.

Our Lady : 
Oh yeah. Sorry.

(Graham opens the front door.)

The Elder : 
No.

(And shuts it again.)

Orion : 
Who was it?

GRAHAM:
 
Wrong number.

(Doorbell.)

Our Lady:
 Intruder alert again?

The Elder:
 
It's a doorbell.

Orion :
 
I'll go tell 'em to go away.

The Elder :
 
No, Ryan. Oh.

The Damesel:
 
Is everything all right?

The Elder :
 
Not really, Yaz, no.

(Ryan opens the front door, then comes into the front room, followed by an older man.)

The Damsel :
 
Ryan, you okay?
 
Orion: 
This is Yaz and The Doctor.
 
AARON,
The Patriarch Who Gets Everything Wrong : 
Hi.

Orion: 
This is me Dad.

Our Lady + The Damsel : 
Oh.
 
AARON: 
Graham.
 
Our Lady : 
Hi, Ryan's Dad.
 
AARON,
The Patriarch Who Gets Everything Wrong : 
Aaron.

(He holds out his hand.)

Our Lady : 
You weren't at Grace's funeral.

AARON,

The Patriarch Who Gets Everything Wrong :
No.

Our Lady : 
Ryan waited for you. 
You let him down.
(Long pause.)

AARON,

The Patriarch Who Gets Everything Wrong :
I was thinking maybe we could grab a coffee.

Orion: 

Er, yeah, right. Er, sure. 
Er, is it all right if we er...? 
We're just gonna go... 
(to Graham) Is that okay if er...?

The Damsel: 

If you're needing somewhere to go, 
café around the corner's open.

Orion : 
Yeah. Yeah, good shout, good shout. 
I'll just get me coat.
The Elder:
Aaron, can I have a word?

(Graham and Aaron follow Ryan out of the room.)
 

Our Lady : 
Ryan's Dad.

The Damsel: 

It's complicated.

Our Lady :
 

Yeah. Dads are, so I've heard.
(In the hallway.)

The Elder : 
So, why are you here?

AARON :
 
New Year's Day. 
Turning over a new leaf.

The Elder :
 
Right, well, er, be gentle. 
He's been through a lot.
 
AARON : 
I know.

The Elder :
 
No, You Don't.
 You have no idea.

AARON: 
I just want me and him to be family again.

The Elder : 
Family isn't just about DNA, Aaron, or a name. 
It's about what you do. 

And you haven't done enough.

Orion : 
We off, then? 
See you later, Gramps.

AARON:
 
Gramps?

GRAHAM:
 
See you later, Son.



[Café]

(Aaron is trying to sell a Matsoki microwave to the owner, and Ryan is fed up.)

AARON: 
But this one's a combination. 
Microwave and full oven. 
Both functions are the best quality you can get. 
I swear, this is the best you can have.

MAN: 

Sorry, not for me, mate.

(Aaron and his box return to the table.)

Orion: 

This is a new thing you're doing?

AARON: 

Only so long a man can work offshore.

RYAN: Given up being on the rigs?

AARON: 

Let's just say I've been examining my life choices lately. I'm not sure if this is the answer.

Orion: 

Get them online, can't you?

AARON: 

Yeah. Yes. Yes, except for this one. It's actually really good. 
A mate of mine makes it. 
I helped him with some of the specs. It's the best working oven you can get. 
But I make it sound like a con, so maybe I'm not cut out for that. 
Maybe it's back to engineering. 

We'll see. 

So, how you been doing?
 
RYAN: 
Seriously? 
That's where you start?
 
AARON: 
What?
 
Orion : 
That's all you got? 
How do you think I'm doing?
 
AARON: 
I know it's been hard for both of us.
 
Orion: 
Okay, stop. I don't care how it's been for you. This ain't about us commiserating with each other. This is about you making things right.
 
AARON: 
This how you talk to your dad?
 
Orion : 
I don't know cos he ain't been around. 
So don't come walking back in demanding respect, cos that ain't where we are.
 
AARON: 
What do you need me to say, hmm? Because I want to say it.
 
RYAN: 
Okay. You say, 
Ryan,  I'm sorry. 

I've messed up. 
I haven't been good enough. 
I've let you down a lot. 

And I know that's made life hard for you. 
And if it meant that over the years, you ever felt lonely or abandoned or didn't know where to turn or who to talk to or how to be. 
Then I'm sorry. Cos... 

'Cos you mustn't ever think that you didn't deserve my love.
 
AARON: 
You didn't ever think that..? 

Yeah. Why wouldn't you? 

Okay, listen. Here's what you find out when you get older. 

There are things you've done in your life to others, the decisions you've made maybe when things were difficult, and you get it wrong. 

But by the time you realise you got it wrong, it's too late. 

You can't fix it because the damage is done. 
And so you run cos you're too ashamed to make it right. 
That's what I did.
 
RYAN: 
No. You hid when I needed you. First Mum, then Nan.
 
AARON: 
I'm not hiding any more.



[Graham's home]

(Ryan and Aaron are back, with the microwave.)
RYAN: Hello? It's us.
AARON: I need to use the... you know.
RYAN: Dad, you know you can say toilet, you know.



[Graham's home]

(Graham returns with a jar of Sainsbury' peanut butter.)
 
GRAHAM: 
Where'd they go?
 
AARON: 
Did they take the cabinet?
 
GRAHAM: 
They've gone without me.




[Graham's home]


(Graham carries in a plastic storage box, not a Really Useful one, I have to say.)

GRAHAM: 
Since you're here.
 
AARON: 
What's this?

GRAHAM: 
Have a look.
 
(Child's paintings, toys.)
 
GRAHAM: 
When my mum died, my dad got rid of all her things super quick. 
He couldn't bear to have it in the house. 
She's gone now and that's the end of it, that's what he said. 

Funny old bloke, my dad. 
Course, now I realise that was his way of dealing with it. 

When your mum died, I had to go through all her stuff.
 
AARON: 
But this is all mine.

GRAHAM: 
Yeah, I know. She kept it all. 
She once said to me, if anyone ever asks about me after I'm gone, you tell them I was lucky. 

Tell them 
I gave someone life, 
and I watched 'em grow, and I was proud.

Why didn't you come, Aaron? 
Not for your mum or for Ryan, but for yourself.

AARON: 
I don't know. Maybe I thought if I wasn't there, she wasn't gone. I wish I was better at life, Graham.

GRAHAM: 
Well, there's still time.


[TARDIS]

Our Lady : 
Oh, huge heat signal, and a non-terrestrial form moving away from it fast. 
I'm on its tail. 
Sorry, The TARDIS isn't designed for these short hops.

(A jolt makes a certain cardboard box slide across the floor.)

Our Lady : 
A microwave? 
Who brought a microwave with them?
 
AARON: 
It's actually an oven and a microwave.

Our Lady : 
Nice.

AARON: 
What is this place?

RYAN: 
This is where I've been since Nan died. 
Travelling the universe with these guys.

YASMIN: 
Even if we track this Dalek thing, how do we stop it?

Our Lady :
 I'm still working on that.

MITCH: The Custodians managed it. If we take the same approach as those drawings.

LIN: 
Those documents aren't reliable, Mitch.

MITCH: 
Except all the rumours have proved to be true. It's shown here.

RYAN: 
Short version. 
Alien psychopath, in its own tank, trying to bring loads more to Earth. 
I guess this is how they attacked it last time.
 
AARON: 
What's it made of?

Our Lady : 
Remnants of its original shell, patched up with all sorts of spare parts. Mainly metal.

AARON: 
We can use my oven.
 
RYAN:
 It's not going to fit in there.

AARON: 
That's not what I meant. Help me break it up.

(An alarm sounds.)

Our Lady : 
That Dalek's moving fast but where's it going?

AARON: 
Ryan, help me get the element out.

RYAN: 
Why?

AARON: 
It's metal.

Our Lady : 
Oh, you're good, Ryan's Dad. 
You're almost making up for your parenting deficit.