Man Bites God

A Guy walks into 

The Doctor's office --

The Doctor tells him, 

"You need An Operation." 

The Guy says, 

"I want A Second Opinion." 

The Doctor said,

"Okay, You're Ugly, too." 

Ba-boom boom. 

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) - Pranking Gozer Scene (8/10) | Movieclips

Ivo Shandor (Deceased) :

Your Eminence.

Goddess of Gods.

I have built this temple for you, 

so that you might return to Earth… 

and together… We…

(smiles)

We can Rule The World.

That is NOT Funny.

She rips him in half on The Spot --

She is NOT Amused.

[GROWLING CONTENTEDLY]

[GIBBERING]

PHOEBE SPENGLER :

Excuse me. Uh…

P-pardon me.

Yeah, hi. Uh… Uh…

Q. :

…..What do you call 

a fish with no eyes?

A. : 

A fssssh…

[CHUCKLES]

Uh…

A whale…

There’s two whales in a bar. 

One of Them goes :

[IMITATING WHALE]

And then The Other One goes: 

“Go home — You’re drunk.”

Uh…

Okay.

Uh…

So, A Grasshopper 

walks into A Bar… 

and The Bartender’s like: 

“We have a drink 

named after you…!”

Then the grasshopper’s like: “You have a drink named Steve?”

HAVE YOU COME 

TO OFFER YOURSELF 

IN SACRIFICE?

What?

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE..?

No —I’m 12…!

….are you?

[BEEPS]

Mom!

[SIREN WAILING]

Wait, wait. What’s going on?

Hey!

What’s happening? Where am I?

It’s okay.

You were possessed.

Possessed?

Then you turned into a dog.

Then you got humpy.

Humpy?

TREVOR: Hold on!

Oh, Phoebe. Phoebe. There’s this secret basement…

We know.

…with computers and equipment.

Isn’t that place insane?

Yes!

And it seemed like he had a plan.

We’re aware.

Oh. Oh.

And there were all these photos of me.

Like he was tracking my entire life.

How rewarding.

Super news.

We wanna hear about it.

Yeah, but we’re trying to save the world.

Okay. Cool. I’m in. Uh, how can I help?

No!

What the hell was that?

That was your boyfriend Gary.

Boyfriend?

Inside that trap is the Gatekeeper.

Gatekeeper?

If the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster reunite…

Keymaster?

One second.

Phoebe.

You’re… You’re…

I’m a scientist.

Oh. We got her!

Yes!

This was Grandpa’s plan.

Coming in hot!

[ALL SCREAM]

Mom, come on!

Oh, my God.

[♪♪♪]

Get back. Get back.

Mom.

What’s up?

Hey.

No, no, no.

Pull the lever.

Pull…?

[GASPS]

Aah!

Hey!

Come on, what are you waiting for?

I’m waiting for this thing to work!

It’s not working!

Uh…

[CHITTERING]

[SCREAMING]

Mom, hit the pedal!

Pedal?

Lucky!

Podcast, what are you doing?

I’ve got my own problems!

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, no.

No.

Venkman : 

Hey, Flattop!

Have you missed us?

Gozer, The Gozerian —

In The Name of 

The County of Summerville, 

State of Oklahoma, 

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, 

All The Members of Ducks Unlimited, 

The Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons, 

I Command You, under 

The National Invasive Species Act 

to Depart This World immediately.

Venkman :

Bravo.

[SNARLS]

[SNARLS]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I think she remembers us.

Gozer, The Gozarian :

ARE YOU… 

A GOD…?

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

….Ray?

Venkman :

Oh, come on, Ray.

Dr. Raymond Stanz,

The Heart of The Ghostbusters :

…..Yes.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Yeah, We’re ALL Gods.

Venkman :

Yeah, I mean, we’re all pretty dang special down here.

On a personal note: I thought that we had busted up for good.

It wasn’t working for me.

My friends didn’t think so. 

I know yours didn’t.

Okay, playtime’s over. 

Let’s toast this muffin.

Light them up.

[WHIRRING]

[GIGGLES]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Man, I love that sound.

Venkman : 

On the count of three, Go on “two.” 

One. Two.

Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!

Yes!

Do you feel that?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

She’s uncrossing the streams!

No!

Oh!

Are they dead?

[ALL GROANING]

I don’t remember this job being so painful.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I do.

You got a lot of nerve.

[GROWLS]

Coming back here, 

crawling back to me.

We could’ve been the most spectacular power couple.

You know, my sense of fun and your personality.

But, no, you always had to vanquish and conquer.

Always had to maim somebody.

And that’s probably the number one reason why…

Good try, anyway.

Now we’re finished, babe.

We’re finished.

No.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, Phoebe.

[♪♪♪]

[MOUTHS] Holy shit.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

We’re on!

[POWERING UP]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[SCREAMING]

[POWERING DOWN]

[♪♪♪]

I thought you might turn up.

I’m sorry…

I didn’t believe you.

I should’ve called.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I miss you, my friend.

[ZAPS]

[GASPS]

Are you okay?

You scared the shit out of me.

Mom.

I can’t breathe.

Okay.

Hi there.

Pete Venkman from the home office.

Thanks for pitching in.

You’re welcome.

I like your style.

Who’s that one?

Callie.

Callie Spengler.

Spengler?

Mm. Weird name. 

Try to make the best of that.

All right. We’re gonna have cocoa inside.

And some of us will have rum with it.

TREVOR: 

Lucky!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Oh.

God. Hey. Hey, man.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I… Yeah.

My hands hurt from galloping.

Oh, my God.

I totally thought I lost you.

Sorry about that.

Well, that was weird.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

I’m bleeding. Why am I bleeding?

You headbutted a park bench.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, back there, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, before we became dogs and opened the gates of hell, I think that maybe we, uh…

Yeah. Yeah, I think so too.

But then we saved the world, so…

That’s true.

Are you all right, son?

You just singlehandedly defeated a manifestation of Gozer.

You gotta be on my podcast.

Sure. What’s it called?

Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe.

M.T.U.U., that’s you?

Wait.

You’re my subscriber?!

Really found its voice in the 46th episode.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

( To Ecto-1 )

What did they do to you?

Don’t worry.

I’ll take you Home, 

get you all cleaned up.

Go.

Hey.