UNCLEAN

CARY

The Male Loudermilk :

You're upset.

Your mind can't reconcile 

The Person We See 

with 

The Person You •Think• You Are.

SYD:

But we can help.

Medicine and Therapy.

DAVID :

Back to the psych ward? 

David The Zombie.

[PANTING.]

Well, bullshit! 

You want me gone so bad? 

Fine, I'm gone.

SYD :

No.

VERMILLION 1:

You will allow treatment, or we will be forced to terminate.

DAVID :

You're gonna •kill• me?

DIVAD : 

Run.

Get out.

DAVID :

No.

No.

I want to hear you say it.

That you're gonna kill me if I don't let them turn me into 

Something Different

Something Easy.

Something Clean.

 

DAVID :

You said something to me at the trial, if that's what you want to call it.

Cary,

The Male Loudermilk :

I think we saw that as an intervention.

DAVID :

You tried to •gas• me.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

Not me, personally, if that makes any—

DAVID :

It doesn't.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

Okay.

What-what did I say at the, at the trial? 

DAVID :

You said, 

“Your mind can't reconcile 

The Person We See 

with 

The Person You •Think• You Are.”

Cary,

The Male Loudermilk :

Yes.

I-I think that's right.

Don't kill me.

DAVID :

I'm not gonna - 

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

She needs me.

DAVID :

Stop.

I'm not gonna kill you.

You're gonna do something for me.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

I am? 

DAVID :

I need a tank or a tool, something that magnifies powers.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

Yours? 

DAVID :

No.

She's young, right? 

I think that's the problem.

They're not fully developed yet, her powers.

So you're gonna build a tank or a tool to help her help me.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

Help you do what? 

DAVID :

Fix things.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

David, you don't have to do this.

Come back with me —

DAVID :

No.

Open your mind, your heart.

This is good.

You •want• to do this.

Cary, 

The Male Loudermilk :

I do? 

DAVID :

You Will.

Profiles in Mentorship : LEGION and Switch

LEGION :

I'm David.

Come on in.

I'll make some Tea.

DAVID: 

Yes, it pays to be kind.

DAVID 2 

[SCOTTISH ACCENT.] : 

Are you out of your mind?!?

"Is black tea okay?" 

What are you gonna do with This One? 

Give her a wee nib of The Blue Stuff and sling her in with all The Others?

“Honesty is non-negotiable in a relationship of this nature because you need to Trust someone if you’re going to allow them to Help you, and they of course need to be dealing with The Truth of Who You Are, not the Facebook, press release version of yourself you’ve been fobbing the world off with up till now. 

What I brought to the relationship, I now know, was Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness – known as ‘HOW’ in 12 Step jargon. 

This is the attitude I deploy still in any relationship where I am The Student. Whether in meditation, Jiu Jitsu or business affairs I approach my teacher, my ‘mentor’, in an honest, open-minded and willing way. 

I recognize that they have something I want, that they have achieved something that I haven’t, that as I am in the moment I sit before them, I am insufficient, and for the transfer of energy or education to take place I must be mentally and spiritually prepared. 

This is as true for a yoga class as it is for a Spanish lesson or therapy.”

Excerpt From

Mentors by

Russell Brand

LEGION:

Hi.

I'm David.

Come on in.

I'll make some tea.

Switch :

What is this place? 

LEGION:

People have their pain.

Their hearts are sad.

Their minds are tired.

I help them.

Switch :

How? 

LEGION:

I'm the magic man.

All I ask is that they stay and keep me company after.

Take care of the house.

Love each other.

I need that.

Love.

Switch :

How is this here? 

This cave? 

LEGION:

I made it.

Try this.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

And picture your bedroom.

Your bed.

Can you see it? Really see it? 

The walls, the windows? 

The way the light falls? 

• Open your eyes •

It's a mental space.

You imagined it.

I made it Real.

Switch :

You read my mind? 

LEGION:

No secrets.

That's one of our rules.

Switch :

What about Trust? 

LEGION:

Mm.

I tried that, and it's better to read people's minds.

I'm adopted.

When I was a baby, a monster snuck into my head and haunted me for 33 years.

[MONSTER SNARLING.]

But I'm better now.

Switch :

How are you? 

LEGION:

Good. I'm good.

How are you? 

Switch :

You know.

Fine.

My dad collects robots.

Robotto.

There's a room in our apartment.

[FAINT WHIRRING.]

Some are life-sized.

Some toys.

Hundreds.

Sometimes at night, I go in there.

[WHIRRING, TICKING.]

I stand very still, 

and pretend I'm a robot, too.

So what are 

"The Forces of Division"? 

Why do you need a Time Traveler? 

Switch :

So it's a girl thing.

You want to go back in time and what? 

Get your girlfriend back? 

LEGION:

I thought about it.

Doing everything again, making different choices, but 

[CLICKS TONGUE.] 

it won't work.

You know how sometimes 

you can be so sure 

what The Problem is 

and then you realise The Problem 

is really something else? 

Switch :

No.

LEGION:

Oh.

Well, you're Young.

When I was in the psych ward,

everybody was so sure 

The Problem was neurological.

Brain chemistry, serotonin.

"David Haller, schizophrenic." 

Switch :

You were in a psychiatric hospital? 

LEGION:

[CHUCKLES.]: 

Oh.

Oh.

Lots of times.

Psych hospitals, emergency rooms.

"David, don't swallow all your mother's diet pills." 

"David, don't huff the chemicals under the sink." 

Like I'm supposed to what? 

Pretend The Voices aren't real? 

You know? 

Switch :

Yeah, sure.

LEGION:

You see, like I said, when I was a baby, 

a monster came into my head 

and haunted me for, like, 33 years.

Switch :

By "monster," you mean, like, a metaphor, right? 

LEGION:

Amahl Farouk.

The Shadow King.

My dad, my real dad, 

he kicked Farouk out of his body 

into the astral plane.

And then he found me, Farouk, 

and he moved in.

More tea? 

[SQUEAKS.]

[BIRDS CHIRPING.]

[SHOUTS.]

Switch :

I still don't know why you need 

a Time Traveler.

LEGION:

To go back in time.

What else? 

Switch :

How far? 

LEGION:

Well, how far can you go? 

Switch :

Sydney Barrett, Gabrielle Xavier 

and The Infant David —

The Universe Acknowledges You, That You Exist 

and 

That Your Existence is Important.

I can see that you've suffered, 

That people you love have suffered, 

and 

you want to know that it meant something.

It did.

It does.

Nothing of Value is Ever Lost.

SYDNEY BARRETT :

Did he do it? David? 

Switch :

The David You Know 

is almost gone.

His Past changed.

And now, Sydney Barrett, 

your past will change, too.

The Life You've Lived, 

your memories, 

everything will be new.

SYDNEY BARRETT :

So I die? 

Switch :

This You, The You You Are Now.

But The You You Will Be? 

She will be Glorious.

SYDNEY BARRETT :

How do you —

Switch :

I am Time.

I see all.

SYDNEY BARRETT :

I like your jumper.

Switch :

Thank you.

SYDNEY BARRETT :

So do I die now? 

Switch :

No.

I will give you time for 

One Last Thing.

And Thank You for helping me when I was human.

[They hug]

Kerry Loudermilk :

What just happened? 

SYDNEY BARRETT :

I Think We just 

Saved The World.

Soup

KERRY  LOUDERMILK : 

You look ridiculous.

CARY LOUDERMILK :

I'm reconstructing what happened on the hill from available sensor data.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

Did I tell you I cut off the head of a Minotaur? 

CARY LOUDERMILK :

Yes, you did.

In graphic detail.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

Do you know what its blood smelled like? 

CARY LOUDERMILK :

Oh, please, Kerry — Okay, this is weird.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

You remember those, like, beef bouillon cubes - from when we were kids? 

CARY LOUDERMILK :

Stop.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

The kind that you would pour boiling water onto? 

CARY LOUDERMILK :

Stop.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

It didn't taste like that, though.

[BEEPING, STATIC.]

CARY LOUDERMILK :

Oh, no.

KERRY  LOUDERMILK :

What? 

CARY LOUDERMILK :

It's Treachery.

The Shadow King :

You ever make soup? 

Cut up the meat, vegetables, add broth, cook it for a couple hours.

You ever try to unmake soup? 

I'm part of him.

And the only way you're gonna get me out without killing him 

is if I decide to leave on my own.

There it is.

Now you see.

LEGION :

Okay.

I think I understand.

It's not about being alone, or about being in love.

It's about the things you survived.

And as it's written, 

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, 

some are strong at the broken places." 

Syd Barrett :

Go on.

[SIGHS.]

LEGION :

It's not the story of a little girl whose mommy couldn't hug her 

who grew up wishing a prince's kiss could erase all her damage.

It's about the damage itself, and how it makes us strong, not weak.

You survived the bullies and the way they made you feel.

You cut yourself with the dullest blade 'cause it felt the worst.

I know that life, 'cause I lived it, too.

I know.

And then I met you, and it was true love.

Like in a fairy tale.

Syd Barrett :

This isn't a fairy tale.

LEGION :

[DAVID CHUCKLES.]

It is for me.

Syd Barrett :

Do you know what love is? It's a hot bath.

What happens to things when you leave them in a bath for too long? 

Huh? They get soft.

Fall apart.

LEGION :

[EXHALES SHARPLY.]

I read that story collection.

The one in your book.

At first, I was confused, you know —

Why is she carrying around this sordid tale of sex clubs and drug addicts and —

And then I read this :

"Junkies and masochists and hookers, 

and those who have squandered everything 

are the ring of brightest angels around heaven." 

Syd Barrett :

It's a War, baby, This Life.

The things we endure.

You said you saw The Future, and it's an Apocalypse.

Who survives that? 

The Lovers or The Fighters? 

They sell us this lie that Love's gonna save us.

All it does is make us stupid and weak.

LEGION :

[SCOFFS.]

Thanks.

Syd Barrett :

Look at me.

Love isn't gonna save us.

It's what we have to save.

Pain makes us strong enough to do it.

All our scars, our anger, our despair It's armor.

Baby, God loves The Sinners best 'cause our fire burns bright, bright, bright.

Burn with me.

[EXHALES.]