There are
serious consequences
on planet Earth for
people not liking you.
Huge ones.
We like to talk a big game
now about the fact that
"....it's it's only the way
that they're think!" -- you guys!
People do terrifying things
when they don't Like You, and
don't want you somewhere --
You know that at some visceral level.
We all know that at some visceral level
that there are huge consequences.
Rather than gaslight ourselves all day long
about the fact that it's not so bad
to be rejected. No, actually sometimes
it's absolutely dangerous.
We can actually think about, well,
is it worth the consequence?
Now, you know how people say,
"I went out and I got rejected so
many times to see that it wasn't
so bad --"
They didn't
put themselves
in circumstances where
the consequence could
be so bad.
So, all they really did was to say,
I put myself in a situation where I
already decided that the consequence
wasn't so bad. In fact, it wasn't worth
me holding myself back or whatever."
Why am I saying this?
I don't want you to
gaslight yourselves.
It's a big deal to
be rejected. It is.
Rejection only
happens when people
think poorly of you.
People thinking
poorly of you is not safe
The Avoidant is in control of
the relationship and some of you
who are on this end of The Spectrum,
you know how horrible this feels --
The relationship is always
controlled by the person who
can pull away because a relationship,
it's like I want you to
imagine there's a kiddie pool
in between us of water --
To have a relationship,
I have to, with my free will,
step into that kiddie pool and
you have to step into --
I'm totally at the mercy of that;
so if what I need is your closeness --
that's what a relationship is right?
Then I'm at the mercy
of your capacity to go
and The Avoidant is the one
that can do it -- so we basically
sit here at The Castle Door,
that's mostly closed, waiting
for you to open --
