Friday 15 October 2021

It Says, ‘Dig Hole Here’.







[Dig Site]

(The broken down UNIT convoy is very close to the open archeological trenches.

Time’s Champion
And you excavated all this yourself?

WARMSLY: 
Labour of Love, really.


Time’s Champion
Impressive. 

WARMSLY
And I did have some help from Shou Yuing. 

Time’s Champion
And where did you find The Scabbard? 


WARMSLY
By that marker. 


ACE
How long did it take? 


WARMSLY
Oh, about ten years so far. 


ACE
Ten years? 


WARMSLY
Archeology is a precise and delicate skill. 
History has to be eased out of The Earth 
one painstaking layer at a time. 


ACE
I still think ten years 
is a bit of a long time. 


(She squats in a trench and uses a brush to remove some soil from carved stones.) 


ACE
What's this? 


WARMSLY
Ah, now that's a bit of 
A Mystery. 
No one's been able to 
decipher the carving. 


Time’s Champion
It says, ‘Dig Hole Here’. 


WARMSLY
Extraordinary. 
What does it say that in? 


Time’s Champion
My Handwriting. 
Ace, We Need a HOLE. 



(Ace gets a canister of Nitro Nice from her jacket pocket.) 


ACE
Right. How long? 


Time’s Champion 
Er, sixty seconds should be long enough. 


WARMSLY
Long enough for what? 


(The Doctor leads Warmsly away as Ace sets the timer.) 


Time’s Champion 
Nothing to worry about. 
My Young Friend's something of An Expert. 


WARMSLY
What, in Archeology? 


Time’s Champion
No, explosives. 


WARMSLY
What? 
(Ace runs up to them.) 


Time’s Champion 
Down! 


(Boom! as they dive into another trench.) 


Time’s Champion
Ace…? 


ACE: 
…I think the timer needs work. 


Time’s Champion : One of these days we're going to have a nice long talk — about acceptable safety standards.
[Helicopter]
BRIGADIER: Has Major Husak reported in yet? 
LAVEL: No, sir. London says that the area of radio interference is expanding. 
BRIGADIER: Well, see if you can raise him from here. Can you speak Czechoslovakian? 
LAVEL: Only when I'm drunk, sir.
[Woods]
(Bambera and Ancelyn are jogging through the trees.) 
BAMBERA: He'd better not be gone when we get there. 
ANCELYN: You cannot hold the Doctor. He goes where he will. 
BAMBERA: Shut up and run, Ancelyn. 
ANCELYN: My lady. 
BAMBERA: You call me my lady once more and I'll break your nose.
[Helicopter]
LAVEL: I can't see anybody around. 
BRIGADIER: Looks like some damage to that barn. 
LAVEL: I can see a possible landing zone. Everything looks peaceful. 
BRIGADIER: Yes, very peaceful. Are you armed, Lieutenant? 
LAVEL: Yes, sir. 
BRIGADIER: Well, check it's loaded and take us in.
[Churchyard]
(Morgaine and Mordred are standing amongst the graves of Saint Andrews Church, Hambleton.) 
MORGAINE: What can you see? 
MORDRED: A flying machine. Tis like an ornithopter but with whirling blades for wings. 
MORGAINE: The people of this world are obsessed with machinery. 
MORDRED: It would seem so. 
MORGAINE: Well then, let us teach them the limitations of their technologies. 
(Morgaine fires energy bolts from her claw-like fingernails and the helicopter starts smoking.)
[Helicopter]
(Smoke comes into the cockpit.) 
LAVEL: Malfunction, sir. 
BRIGADIER: What? 
LAVEL: It felt like something hit us. This could be rough. 
(The helicopter flies downwards.)
[Dig site]
(Ace peers into the massive hole she has made.) 
ACE: What's down there? 
WARMSLY: Don't ask me. I've only been excavating this site for ten years. 
DOCTOR: With a bit of luck, a tunnel. 
ACE: A dark, mysterious one? 
DOCTOR: Probably. 
ACE: Leading to unknown dangers? 
DOCTOR: Indubitably. 
(They slither down the side of the pit.) 
ACE: Oh, wicked! 
DOCTOR: Peter, Ace and I are going to investigate this tunnel. You stay here and guard it. Don't let anyone come in here. 
WARMSLY: What am I supposed to do, lecture them on archeology? 
DOCTOR: Yes.
[Helicopter]
BRIGADIER: Can you get us down? 
LAVEL: Down is not the problem. 
(The helicopter is close to the tree tops.)
[Tunnel]
ACE: It's damp. 
DOCTOR: Well, we are under the lake. 
ACE: And this wall's made of concrete. 
DOCTOR: Hmm. It's gone soft with age. This was built in the eighth century. 
ACE: But they didn't have concrete in those days. 
DOCTOR: No, they didn't. 
ACE: Thought so. 
(The tunnel seals behind them.) 
ACE: Doctor? 
DOCTOR: Don't worry, Ace. It's only a trap.
[Clearing]
(The Brigadier and Lavel run from the helicopter, which then explodes.) 
BRIGADIER: Five million pounds worth of aircraft, and we've lost it. 
LAVEL: If they make us pay for that 
BRIGADIER: We'll be poor for the rest of our lives. 
(Lavel's leg hurts.) 
BRIGADIER: Pulled a ligament? 
LAVEL: Oh good. I thought it might be something serious. 
BRIGADIER: I'll see if I can get some help from the village. 
LAVEL: But sir, we don't know what the situation is here. 
BRIGADIER: The situation, Lavel, is normal. It doesn't get much worse than that. You know, I think I'm rather enjoying this. 
(The Brigadier takes his service revolver from its holster and heads off.)
[Churchyard]
(Mordred is reading the names on the war memorial.) 
MORDRED: Tis a shrine to those fallen in battle. 
MORGAINE: So, they are not the savages you led us to believe. You fought on their soil without proper respect for the dead. 
MORDRED: Mother, I 
MORGAINE: You have dishonoured us, Mordred. What is victory without honour? Leave us! 
(Mordred walks through two lines of knights. The Brigadier walks up the road by the church.) 
MORGAINE: What manner of man are you? 
(Morgaine and the Brigadier meet at the church gate. The Brigadier points his revolver at her.) 
MORGAINE: A warrior, no less. How goes the day? 
BRIGADIER: I've had better. 
MORGAINE: I am Morgaine, the sun killer. Dominator of the thirteen worlds and Battle Queen of the S'Rax. What say you? 
BRIGADIER: I am Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart. Surrender now, and we can avoid bloodshed.
[Dig site]
(Bambera and Ancelyn arrive.) 
BAMBERA: Where's the Doctor? 
WARMSLY: Did you know that it takes one year to uncover one centimetre on a site this big? But now, delay not. Take the sword and fling him far into the middle mere. Watch what thou seest and lightly bring me word. 
(Arthur, Lord Tennyson, Idylls of the King.)
[Spacecraft entrance]
(Ace is sitting in a giant carved fishes mouth, which is the entrance to the rest of the craft but has a metal door across it.) 
DOCTOR: Ancelyn's people must have built this tunnel. 
ACE: Looks fishy to me. 
DOCTOR: This is no place for humour. 
ACE: Professor? 
DOCTOR: Hmm? 
ACE: Where does Ancelyn come from? 
DOCTOR: Another dimension. Sideways in time from another universe. 
ACE: Not a local boy, then. 
DOCTOR: The question is, how do we get through here?
[Graveyard]
BRIGADIER: Let me see if I've understood you correctly. You are holding a Remembrance ceremony for the dead of our World Wars, a ceasefire to remain in force for the duration of said ceremony, right? 
MORGAINE: Your words are strange, but that is the meaning, yes. 
BRIGADIER: Right. What must I do?
[Spacecraft entrance]
ACE: No coded pattern? 
DOCTOR: No hidden switches. 
ACE: Well, how are we going to get through the door, then? 
DOCTOR: Open up. It's me. 
(The door rises.)
[Graveyard]
MORGAINE: I wish you to know that I bear you no malice. 
BRIGADIER: I understand. 
MORGAINE: But when we meet again, I shall kill you. 
(And she does/did, in The Dalek's Master Plan. The knights follow Morgaine out into the village.)
[Spacecraft entrance]
ACE: I refuse to ask how you did that. How did you do that? 
DOCTOR: Well, it came to me that it wasn't Ancelyn's people who built this tunnel. It was Merlin. 
ACE: But everyone thinks that you're Merlin. 
DOCTOR: Exactly. Door keyed to my voice pattern. Just the sort of thing I would do. 
ACE: Are you Merlin? 
DOCTOR: No. But I could be, in the future. That is, my personal future. Which could be the past. 
ACE: Right.
[Outside Gore Crow Hotel]
(Shou Yuing comes out to her car as the Brigadier runs up.) 
BRIGADIER: I'm commandeering this car, miss. 
SHOU: Sorry? 
BRIGADIER: The keys, please 
SHOU: What? 
BRIGADIER: The keys. Thank you. 
SHOU: Hey, just a moment. This is my car. 
(Shou gets into the passenger seat as the Brigadier starts the engine.)
[Spacecraft]
(The Doctor leads the way up a spiral staircase.) 
ACE: This is a spaceship? 
DOCTOR: More than that. It's a craft for travelling between dimensions. 
ACE: It's more like being in some huge animal. Who built it? 
DOCTOR: It wasn't built, it was grown. 
ACE: Who grows spaceships? 
DOCTOR: Very advanced bioengineers. 
ACE: Ask a stupid question. Well, if they're grown, how do they fly? 
DOCTOR: Magic. 
ACE: Oh, be feasible, Professor. 
DOCTOR: What is Clarke's law? 
ACE: Any advanced form of technology is indistinguishable from magic. 
DOCTOR: Well, the reverse is true. 
ACE: Any advanced form of magic is indistinguishable? 
(They arrive at the chamber with the knight and the sword in the stone.) 
ACE: From technology. 
ACE: Seen one spaceship you've seen them all. 
DOCTOR: Don't be so cynical, Ace. 
(They have reached the main chamber with the sword.) 
ACE: Wow. 
DOCTOR: Impressive. 
ACE: That's Arthur, King of the Britons, isn't it? 
DOCTOR: The legendary Arthur, yes. From another dimension, where the man was closer to the myth. But what is he doing here? 
ACE: Not a lot. Is he in suspended animation? 
DOCTOR: Who knows? 
ACE: In eternal sleep until England's greatest need. 
DOCTOR: Ace, don't touch that. 
ACE: Oh, it's all right, Professor. It's not like I'm King of the Britons, is it? 
(Ace pulls the sword from the stone and falls backwards.) 
DOCTOR: No, Ace! 
ACE: Gordon Bennett! 
DOCTOR: I hope you haven't disturbed anything. 
ACE: It disturbed me. 
DOCTOR: Well, I only hope you haven't disturbed anything else! 
ACE: Like what? 
DOCTOR: Like that. Look! 
ACE: Where? 
DOCTOR: I think I saw something over there. 
(A green thing with a snake's head glides into the room.) 
DOCTOR: Ace, I think it's time for plan B. 
ACE: We run? 
DOCTOR: Yes, run! 
ACE: There's no way out! 
DOCTOR: Now is not the time to panic! 
(The energy snake knocks the Doctor across the room.) 
ACE: Doctor! 
DOCTOR: Now we panic! 
ACE: It's some sort of automated defence system, isn't it. 
DOCTOR: Yes. When I say run, run! 
(The snake hits the Doctor again, and Ace runs to what looks like an escape hatch.) 
DOCTOR: Not that way! 
ACE: Doctor, it's a dead end! 
(The door closes, trapping Ace inside.) 
ACE: (silent) Doctor! 
DOCTOR: Hang on, Ace. 
(Water floods into the escape hatch. Ace is screaming for the Doctor and hammering on the door.) 
DOCTOR: I'm coming! 
(The water is up to Ace's chin.) 
ACE: Doctor! 
(The snake hits the Doctor again, this time knocking him out.)
Part Three
[Spacecraft]
(The Doctor wakes, and staggers to the control panel. He pulls out a small pyramid with seaweed on the end, and Ace is ejected out through the top of the escape hatch as the snake knocks the Doctor down once again.)
[Dig site]
(Warmsly is giving Ancelyn a tour of the site.) 
WARMSLY: Yes, this site is where Arthur is supposed to have met Mordred in the final battle, and this lake, where Bedivere threw Excalibur. 
ANCELYN: What do you know of Excalibur? 
WARMSLY: King Arthur's sword, Excalibur, wrought by the lonely maiden of the lake, who rose up out of the water holding the sword Excalibur aloft. 
ANCELYN: This lake? 
WARMSLY: Thou rememberest how, in those old days, one summer noon, an arm rose up from out the bosom of the lake clothed in white samite, mystic, wonderful, holding the sword. And how I rode across and took it, and have worn it, like a king. It's all a myth, really. Honestly, women in water holding swords?
(Bambera stares as a sword rises point first from the waters, followed by an arm clothed in black nylon belonging to a spluttering Ace.) 
BAMBERA: Look! 
WARMSLY: It's that wretched girl! 
(Ace runs onto the shore.) 
BAMBERA: What are you doing in the lake? 
ACE: Drowning. Here, you can be King of England. 
(Ace hands the sword to Ancelyn. 
ANCELYN: It's Excalibur. 
ACE: That's what I said, Shakespeare. 
BAMBERA: Where's the Doctor? 
ACE: In a spaceship, down there! He's in trouble. We've got to help him. 
(The Brigadier and Shou arrive in her 2CV.) 
SHOU: Oi! 
ANCELYN: Truly, the time of restitution has come.
[Spacecraft]
DOCTOR: Come out, come out, wherever you are, you little tapeworm. 
(The energy snake knocks the Doctor over and he drops the control unit. He makes a grab for it and ends up lying next to Arthur. Then someone's foot treads on the control unit, breaking it, and the green snake vanishes.) 
DOCTOR: (cough) Oh. 
BRIGADIER: I just can't let you out of my sight, can I, Doctor? 
DOCTOR: Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. So you recognise me, then? 
BRIGADIER: Yes. Who else would it be?
[Gore Crow Hotel]
(Elizabeth's white stick hits a foot. She feels up the chain mail arm to the steel plated shoulder.) 
ELIZABETH: Who are you? What do you want? Pat! Come quickly, Patrick!
[Dig site]
(Gazing down at the tunnel entrance.) 
BAMBERA: Two people were down there and you didn't tell me. 
WARMSLY: Well, I 
BAMBERA: Down there, in a trap. 
ACE: Yeah. Let's you in but it doesn't let you out. 
WARMSLY: Yes, well, Ace got out all right. 
BAMBERA: But the Doctor is still down there. 
SHOU: And the Brigadier. 
BAMBERA: I am the Brigadier. 
BRIGADIER: So am I. 
(The Brigadier comes out of the tunnel.) 
ACE: Hey, I thought it let you in but it doesn't let you out. 
DOCTOR: It let me out. 
BAMBERA: Brigadier, I thought you'd retired. 
BRIGADIER: So did I, Brigadier. Now, is the perimeter secure? This whole area is crawling with armed extra-terrestrials and they're hostile. 
DOCTOR: Same as ever, eh, Brigadier?
[Churchyard]
MORGAINE: He has possession of Excalibur. Knight Commander. 
COMMANDER: My lady. 
MORGAINE: Take your men along that road. Seek out those who hold Excalibur and take the sword from them. 
COMMANDER: And if they resist? 
MORGAINE: Give them an honourable death.
[Dig site]
ANCELYN: My lord Merlin. 
BRIGADIER: Merlin? 
ANCELYN: Oh, he has many names. 
BRIGADIER: He has many faces. And he has many companions. This must be the latest one. 
BAMBERA: We've checked the perimeter. Doctor Warmsly is staying with the vehicles. 
BRIGADIER: Oh, thank you, Bambera. Oh, see if you can get a blanket for this young lady, will you? 
BAMBERA: Yes, sir. Perhaps I should make some tea, too. 
(Bambera leaves.) 
BRIGADIER: Well, are you all right, Miss? 
ACE: Just call me the latest one, and I can get my own blanket. 
(Ace and Shou Yuing leave.) 
BRIGADIER: Oh dear. Women. Not really my field. 
DOCTOR: Don't worry, Brigadier. People will be shooting at you soon.
[Gore Crow Hotel]
(Mordred sips at a pint of beer. There are already 5 empty beer jugs on the bar. Pat brings an empty barrel up from the cellar.) 
PAT: Elizabeth? 
ELIZABETH: Pat, is that you? 
PAT: You all right? 
ELIZABETH: Yes, I'm fine. I'm all right. 
MORDRED: Your wife? 
PAT: Yes. 
MORDRED: With your aspect, it is well that she is blind. 
(Mordred walks away from the bar with his drink, laughing, as Lavel enters.) 
LAVEL: Do you have a phone? 
MORDRED: So, what have we here? 
(Lavel turns and draws her pistol.) 
MORDRED: Ah, there is light in this grey world. 
LAVEL: Don't move. 
MORDRED: Am I to do nothing? 
LAVEL: Yeah, you can get the tab if you like. 
MORDRED: Light and fire. Come, drink with me! 
LAVEL: I said, don't move. 
MORDRED: Oh, I would wish for kinder words. 
(Morgaine enters.) 
MORGAINE: Mordred. Who is this? 
MORDRED: A warrior maid. 
MORGAINE: A warrior? Good. I would learn the strength of their forces. 
LAVEL: Stay back or I'll shoot. 
(Lavel fires and Morgaine catches the bullet, crushes it and drops the dust onto the floor.) 
MORGAINE: Be silent. 
(Lavel drops her gun, hypnotised.) 
MORGAINE: Rest here and tell me. 
(Lavel kneels at Morgaine's feet and the sorceress puts her hands on Lavel's head.) 
MORGAINE: Ah. 
(Lavel screams.) 
MORGAINE: Quietly, my child. 
(Morgaine releases Lavel, who collapses.) 
MORGAINE: Now we know, Mordred. 
PAT: You can't leave her like that. 
(Morgaine zaps Lavel and turns her to ashes.) 
MORGAINE: Did my son drink well? Oh, I see that it is so. I must get the tab. 
PAT: Get away from here, you 
(Morgaine places her hand in front of Elizabeth's eyes.) 
ELIZABETH: I can see. Patrick, I can see!
[Dig site]
(The Brigadier, the Doctor, Warmsly, Ace and Shou take the Carbury Range Rover.) 
BRIGADIER: Oh, Bambera, take the other car, will you? 
BAMBERA: Yes, sir. Come on, Ancelyn. Looks like we get the deck chair. 
ANCELYN: My lady is vexed. 
(The Range Rover drives off.) 
DOCTOR: We might run into trouble. 
BRIGADIER: Oh really, Doctor? You do surprise me. 
ACE: Winifred isn't following. 
BRIGADIER: Good lord, is that her name? 
(In the 2CV.) 
BAMBERA: Now I'm vexed. 
ANCELYN: What do you seek? 
BAMBERA: Stay out of this. You don't even live here. 
(Ancelyn holds up the car keys.) 
ANCELYN: Perhaps these? 
BAMBERA: (snatching them) No.
[Carbury Range Rover]
(The Knight Commander deploys his men either side of the track as the Brigadier drives up.) 
DOCTOR: Something's wrong. 
BRIGADIER: What? 
DOCTOR: We haven't been attacked yet. 
(A knight throws a grenade which explodes next to the Range Rover. The vehicle swerves but keeps going. The Knight Commander signals his men to open fire.) 
BRIGADIER: Down! 
(He drives through two knights on the track. They shoot out the rear window but the Brigadier keeps going.) 
SHOU: Are they gone? 
WARMSLY: Who were they? 
BRIGADIER: Now, Doctor, we've been attacked. Happy? 
DOCTOR: Yes. 
BRIGADIER: Oh, good. 
DOCTOR: As long as Morgaine's people are shooting at us, she won't be using more obscure methods of attack. 
BRIGADIER: Such as? 
DOCTOR: I don't know, and I don't want to find out.

No comments:

Post a Comment