Who'd Hurt Some Poor Crazy Priest and His Servant?

They waved goodbye to The Mad Priest and His Servant.

And Danny danced them out of sight. 

Our forward continuance is impeded by this fellow, who is begging you will accompany him that he may show you 

A Rare and Wonderful thing.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

What thing?

Wallah :

He would not say what thing. 

Therefore, I suspect his bad intentions to entice you into a house of disreputation where he will take you, kill you, murder you cut your throat and rob the money from your pockets also.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Crikey!

Wait at the office!

Wallah :

Sir, please!

Myself, I will take you to a loving house.

You will be very happy and delightful...

DANNY PEACHY

Morning to You, Brother.

Glad you caught the performance. 

What do you think?

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

It's convincing, but what are you rascals up to now? 

Last week it was Kings you were to be, of Kafiristan.

DANNY PEACHY

We've gotta get there first.

Madness is A Trick.

Who'd hurt some poor Crazy Priest and His Servant?

Peachy worked this out.

We've used it before.

He Talks, while I Act Dumb.

I can clown pretty good now.

I can twitch to put the fear into any good Muslim.

I can froth at the mouth.

Want to see?

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

I can imagine.

DANNY PEACHY

All right, some other time perhaps. 

Come over here.

Give it a touch-up down here.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Rifles?

DANNY PEACHY

Twenty Martinis, and ammunition. 

Cost us every sou we got out of the rajah of Degumber.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Good heavens!

You mean you went back there?

DANNY PEACHY

Of course, Brother Kipling.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

God Help You if you're caught with those! 

DANNY PEACHY

Gunrunning isn't exactly new to us. 

Well, Brother Kipling, goodbye and many thanks.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Man, Don't Do it!

The Odds are too great.

DANNY PEACHY

Wish Us Luck. 

We met upon The Level. 

And we're parting on The Square. 

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Good Luck, indeed.

DANNY PEACHY

Come along, you ugly beast.

RUDYARD KIPPLING :

Wait!

Here. Take this.

DANNY

Last time Danny and Me came through the Khyber Pass, we fought our way yard by bloody yard and General Bobbs called us heroes afterwards. 

But that was years ago. 

DANNY PEACHY

Times have changed.

Blast! Look who's on --

Mulvaney!

That loudmouthed mick from the Black Tyrone!

"Private Mulvaney! 

Come to attention when I am addressing you!

Slope arms!

Present! March!

Mark time!

At the double!

Corporal of the guard!

Take three men and put Private Mulvaney under arrest!

Bloody man's drunk again!"

We came through the Khyber with that caravan doing all sorts of antics to amuse the people.

At night, he told them their fortunes in A Tongue of His Own and I Translated.

And all concerned were happy because I promised them all their wishes would come true.

Then at Jaedallak we turned off towards Kafiristan.

They were sad to see us leave the caravan. 

We'd brought it Good Luck. 

Two she-camels had foaled 

and there was no sniping at us from the hills. 

They waved goodbye to The Mad Priest and His Servant.

And Danny danced them out of sight.