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[Dressing room]

MAN: 

Mister Dickens, Mister Dickens. 

Excuse me, sir, Mister Dickens. 

This is your call — 

Are you quite well, sir? 


DICKENS: 

Splendid, splendid….. Sorry.

MAN: 

Time you were on, sir. 


DICKENS: 

Absolutely. I was just brooding. 

Christmas Eve. Not the best of times to be alone. 


MAN: 

Did no one travel with you, sir? 

No lady wife waiting out front? 


DICKENS: 

I'm afraid not. 


MAN: 

You can have mine if you want. 


DICKENS: 

Oh, I wouldn't dare….

I've been rather, let's say, clumsy, 

with family matters…..

Thank God I'm too old to cause any more trouble. 


MAN: 

You speak as though it's all over, sir. 


DICKENS: 

No, it's never over — On and on I go, 

the same old show. 

I'm like a ghost, condemned 

to repeat myself for all eternity. 


MAN: 

It's never too late, sir. You can always think up some new turns. 


DICKENS: 

No, I can't. Even my imagination grows stale. 

I'm an old man. Perhaps I've thought 

everything I'll ever think. 

Still, the lure of the limelight's 

as potent as  a pipe, what? Eh? 

On with the motley.


DICKENS: 

Let me say this first — I'm not 

without a sense of humour.

The Designated Survivor : 

Dickens? 


DICKENS: 

Yes. 


The Designated Survivor : 

Charles Dickens? 


DICKENS: 

Yes. 


The Designated Survivor : 

The Charles Dickens? 


DRIVER: 

Should I remove the gentleman, sir? 


The Designated Survivor : 

Charles Dickens? 

You're brilliant, you are. 

Completely one hundred 

percent brilliant! 

I've read them all : 

Great Expectations, Oliver Twist 

and what's the other one, 

the one with the ghost? 


DICKENS: 

A Christmas Carol? 


The Designated Survivor : 

No, no, no, the one with the trains. 

The Signal Man, that's it. Terrifying! 

The best short story ever written!

You're a genius! 


DRIVER: 

You want me to get rid of him, sir? 


DICKENS: 

Er, no, I think he can stay. 


The Designated Survivor : 

Honestly, Charles. Can I call you Charles? 

I'm such a big fan. 


DICKENS: 

A what? A big what? 


The Designated Survivor : 

Fan. Number one fan, that's me. 


DICKENS: 

How exactly are you a fan? 

In what way do you resemble a means 

of keeping oneself cool? 


The Designated Survivor : 

No, it means ‘fanatic’, ‘devoted to —‘ 

Mind you, I've got to say, that American bit 

in Martin Chuzzlewit, what's that about? 

Was that just padding or what? 

I mean, it's rubbish, that bit. 


DICKENS: 

I thought you said you were my fan. 


The Designated Survivor : 

Ah, well, if you can't take criticism….

Go on, do the death of 

Little Nell, it cracks me up!

No, sorry, forget about that. 

Come on, faster!