Now

Int. Sleeping quarters. The Past.

An orderly wheels in RIMMER, who is strapped into a wheelchair and

dressed in hospital clothing -- a thin gown, socks and a plastic cap. 

LISTER, still dressed in his space-suit, is fast asleep on his bunk.

RIMMER: 

So, they won't come back again?

ORDERLY: 

Just stay calm, keep cool….

and get some sleep.

RIMMER: (seeing LISTER) 

There he is, sleeping like a baby….

I'm gonna get better, and 

then I'm gonna kill him.

The orderly unstraps RIMMER from the chair, then helps him over to his bed.

ORDERLY: 

If you need anything — Call Holly.

The orderly leaves. RIMMER sits on the edge of his bunk, thoroughly

depressed. What's about to happen will not alleviate this state.

RIMMER: (muffled) 

I don't want You to panic, Arnold, 

but I've had a jolly good think, 

and I think I know how 

to explain this to You.

He sticks his head above the table. His past self stares at him with a

mixture of fear, shock and abject horror.

RIMMER: 

Hi.

RIMMER: 

Hi — I'm staying calm this time…..

He is not, although fighting valiantly for Control.

RIMMER: 

Good.

Just then CAT and LISTER enter. The past RIMMER does a double take, looking from the LISTER on the bunk to the one in the doorway.

LISTER: 

Yo, Rimmer, there you are — 

we’ve been looking everywhere.

RIMMER: 

Not now, Lister….

RIMMER: (very tense) 

TWO Listers..!!! 

….and a strange man with large teeth!

CAT: 

Hey, I'm a Cat!

RIMMER: (not a well man) 

Oh, of course you're a cat! 

Come in, sit down, there's plenty of room..!

Just then who should drop by but the just-married couple, LISTER and KOCHANSKI.

LISTER: 

Yo!

RIMMER: (losing it fast) 

THREE Listers!! Splendid!!! 

Perhaps Lister, here would like 

to go over to the fridge 

and open a bottle of wine 

for Lister and Lister!!!!??

Rimmer, here doesn't drink, because he's dead, 

but I wouldn't mind a glass!!!!!

RIMMER :

I don't want anyone 

to get into a flap here, 

but I'm the RIMMER 

who's from the double-

double future.

He rises from the dresser in the corner and steps forward. He is dressed in a tux (He has, after all, just been to a wedding), and has a thin mustache.

RIMMER: 

I'm the Rimmer who's with 

the Lister who married Kochanski —

Now, from this point on, 

things get a little bit confusing...

Everyone begins talking at once, talking over one another, arguing and berrating both one another 

and themselves — 

(Dogs + Cats) Living,  Together : 

MASS HYSTERIA..!!

RIMMER : 

(the calm before the storm) Please! 

Before anyone says anything else, 

I'd just like to make a little speech —

(flipping out completely) 

GO AWAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Close-up on RIMMER's mouth as he screams, and fade out.

 The End.