[Door opens]
Carol Stucka,
The Last Woman :
I need A Volunteer.
Not A Politician.
You. Shorty.
Rest of You just take
a… coffee break,
or whatever floats
Your Boat.
Come with Me.
[Larry]
Happy to.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
[sighs] Have a seat, uh…
What’s your name?
Your name?
[Larry]
Uh, well… This individual
went by Lawrence J. Kless.
Or Larry to His Friends,
of which he had many.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Whatever. Just… have a seat.
[Carol clears throat]
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Do you like my books?
[Larry] Oh, we love your books.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : What do you love about them?
[Larry] Everything. Your books are an expression of you. And we love you.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Mmm. Need you to be more specific. Character arcs. Plot turns.
[Larry] Oh, yes. Yes. We love the character arcs and the plot turns.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Which ones?
[Larry] All of them.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : No offense, Larry, but, uh, I think you’re bullshitting me. Sounds to me like you haven’t even actually read my work.
[Larry] Oh. But we have. Gosh, where do we even begin? In your first novel, uh, we greatly admire the description of Lucasia’s gown on page two. “Gossamer threads of the finest shang silk shimmered like spun gold, as if the sun itself were showering Lucasia’s shoulders with resplendent kisses.” That made quite a few of us tingle.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Okay. Ha. How would you say my work compares to… Shakespeare?
[Larry] Equally. Equally wonderful.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : You love my books as much as… Macbeth? Or Much Ado?
[Larry] Yes. And Henry VI, parts one, two and three.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Well, I mean, what about a crowd-pleaser? Romeo and Juliet?
[Larry] Wonderful. Have you read the first quarto of 1597? No, you haven’t, but you must. We’ll bring you the original.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : So, Larry, you are telling me that you love the Wycaro series as much as the most famous English language play of all time?
[Larry] Carol. When we think about a passage from one of your wonderful…
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Stop using that word.
Pluribus - S01E04 - Carol and Lenny
[Larry] From one of your books. We experience it through many eyes. Many hearts. Do you remember a woman named Moira McAllister?
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Uh, crazy Moira from Kansas City that sends me these dumb crocheted hats? Right, of course. She’s one of you now.
[Larry] Yes.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Mmm.
[Larry] Before she found your books, Moira was deeply depressed. In fact, she was going to… You gave her something to live for. You made her life better. That’s how we see your work, and you. Through Moira’s eyes.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : What did Helen think of my books? Tell me.
[Larry] Helen loved you very much.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Not what I asked, Larry. Spit it out. What did Helen think of the Wycaro books?
[Larry] Carol, you expressly told us that Helen is off-limits.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Yeah, but you know what? Special dispensation this one time. What did Helen think of my Wycaro books? Larry?
[Larry] She thought they were… harmless.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Harmless?
[Larry] “Cotton candy” was the phrase she used in her mind. Mostly.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Cotton candy.
[Larry] Yes. And as you know, Helen loved cotton candy.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : I don’t actually recall Helen ever eating cotton candy.
[Larry] Oh, no. She consumed it four times in her life, and each ti… Yeah. You weren’t there. [chuckles] But really… Helen thought you knew how to please your audience. And she was so grateful for the beautiful life the two of you shared, that Wycaro provided. She was so proud of you.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : What did Helen think of my unpublished novel?
[Larry] Mmm. Bitter Chrysalis.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : What did she think?
[Larry] Carol. This line of inquiry isn’t… [chuckles] Can we talk about something else?
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : I wanna know. If you tell me, it’ll make me happy.
[Larry] Helen thought it was fine.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Fine as in good? Or fine as in… “meh”?
[Larry] Yeah, “meh.”
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : [stammers] What about the last 200 pages?
[Larry] [stammers] Helen stopped on page 137, paragraph three.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : It’s 489 pages long.
[Larry] She read the last two pages. Thought it wrapped up nice.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : [stammers] If she hated it so much…
[Larry] She didn’t hate it.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : [stammers] If she hated it so much, why did she tell me to publish it?
[Larry] Because she talked to Val, and they agreed that it wouldn’t hurt your career. And it would make you happy.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Out.
Zosia's Body : Hi, Carol.
[Zosia sighs]
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Here.
Zosia's Body : Thank you.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : You want this?
Zosia's Body : [chuckles] Do you like your police car?
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Sure.
Zosia's Body : Fun fact, the police officer who drove that vehicle, his son’s third-grade teacher’s husband’s sister was a chartered member of the Wycaro fan club.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Wow. Chills.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Uh, listen, about the, um… [mimics explosion] It wouldn’t have happened if I had had the foresight to understand that you people are… generous enough to give me actual explosives, and I regret it.
Zosia's Body : Please don’t.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Well, I’m s-sorry you got hurt. … Are you up for answering some questions?
Zosia's Body : Certainly.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Uh, about a week ago, the Undersecretary of Ag… Well, I mean you. I know you’re all one. I get the basics. Anyway, all of you, in the form of the Undersecretary of… [sighs, chuckles] You told me that you don’t really understand how all this works. This joining. So my question is, do you understand it now?
Zosia's Body : We have quite a bit more insight into it now, yes.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : So… Is there a way to reverse it? The joining? … Is there not a way to reverse it? Zosia?
Zosia's Body : We want so much to please you, Carol, but we… we can’t answer questions like that.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Right. Except your non-answer is my answer. ‘Cause I don’t think you can lie to me. I don’t think it’s something you can do. But you would definitely tell me if the answer was no.
Zosia's Body : We’re sorry you’re so troubled by this.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman : Do I seem troubled? This is me happy. I mean, congratulations. You did it.
Zosia's Body :
Soon enough you’ll
understand everything.
And you will feel
so much better.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Freedom Falls. You know what that means, don’t you?
Of course you do. You know everything. Tell me about it.
Tell me about Camp fucking Freedom Falls.
Zosia's Body :
You were sixteen. Beginning
to understand yourself.
And Your Mother, she sent…
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Yeah, go on. What’d She Do?
Zosia's Body :
She sent you to… [sighs]
…a Conversion Therapy camp
in Covington, Tennessee.
Camp Freedom Falls.
You never forgave her.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Well…
Zosia's Body :
It was a terrible experience for you.
The counselors there were some…
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Some of the worst people I have ever known.
And they smiled all the time. Just like you.
Zosia's Body :
We’re sorry, Carol. As for us,
we love and accept
all beings equally.
Carol Stucka, The Last Woman :
Oh. Okay. If you’re so accepting, then what
about what You’re Trying to Do to Me now?
Make me just like you. Even though you know
I do not want that!
Zosia's Body :
You want to change
us too, don’t you?
Carol Stucka,
The Last Woman :
[scoffs]
Zosia's Body :
Didn’t you just ask if it’s possible?
There is something else to consider --
We know what it feels like to be you.
To be alone. To suffer. We’ve been you.
But you’ve never been us.
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