The Apprentice

People will always be 

there who will tell you 

“Betting on a Sure Thing…? 

It Doesn’t Exist — 

No such animal.”

….usually they are the ones 

who don’t want you 

to bet against THEM.

Corporate America :

(flipping through a clipboard)

Mercy. What a gruelling

line of Inquiry. 

The Law Man :

(poking The Bear --)

....Must have a familiar ring, 

The Questions in advance --

That Mitchell and Webb Look - Apprentice

".....as you can see it's

 just not working."

It's a shame -- I thought it'd be interesting 

to watch talented business people competing 

for a prestigious job -- 

“I wonder maybe that's 

The Problem...”

“Go on --“

“Well, how would it 

be if instead of lots

of talented Business-people competing

for a prestigious job, it was Idiots 

competing for a relatively 

Junior job....? 

"Idiots?" 

Yeah -- We deliberately pick 16 Idiots,

REAL Idiots, arseholes, as well, and then 

We get to watch them screw everything up; 

it'll be brilliant !!!

But if it's so obvious from the start 

that They're Idiots, surely everyone would 

just EXPECT them 

to screw everything up, 

so what's The Point....?”

“The Point is, that 

everyone will think that 

THEY'RE the only person 

to have NOTICED that 

The Contestants are all 

idiots; I've got a hunch 

that for some reason,

 people will think that this 

NEVER stops being worth commenting-upon.”

"About The Prize -- I mean, in The Pilot, 

it was a one million pound-job; we can't 

give a million pounds to An Idiot... 

That's what The Lottery is for. 

So, what's the smallest 

LARGE amount of Money...? 

You know, the sort of amount 

that an idiot would consider it 

worth totally humiliating himself for?

It's £10-Grand -- the smallest LARGE 

amount of Money is £100 Grand. 

Excellent! 

Err, I think I can see it working, 

but surely only for one series --

I mean, once people can SEE 

that all the contestants are idiots, 

no one will want to apply...”

Idiots will -- in fact, they'll make 

the application process a lot easier,

'cuz We'll ONLY get idiots!” 

So it's coverage of Idiots, 

behaving idiotically for 

An Audience of Idiots..? 

Not JUST An Audience of Idiots --

there'll be a lot of other people 

who flatter themselves they're watching 

with a sense of irony and in some way 

haven't been taken in --

And remind Me -- How do these 

"ironic non-Idiots" show up in The Ratings....?

They show up the 

SAME, My Friend! 

.....They show up 

JUST The Same.....

Quiz Show - "An Inkling..." - Rob Morrow 

x David Paymer x Hank Azaria

Dan Enright : 

He blames Charles Van

Doren for his downfall. 

And of course, the real downfall of 

Herbert Stempel has always been, 

…  Herbert Stempel —

Albert Freedman : 

— Herbert Stempel, absolutely. 

Well, you met him :  Does he 

seem…. stable to you….?

The Law Man :

Well, I definitely have an inkling 

of what you're talking about …..

He told me this whole story about 

how when A Jew is on The Show, 

he always loses to A Gentile, and then, 

The Gentile wins more money. 

Dan Enright : 

Right? 

Albert Freedman : 

I mean, who could dream-up 

A Scheme like that?

Dan Enright : 

A Symptom of his 

Van Doren fixation!

The Law Man :

The thing of it is... 

I looked it up.

It's True —

Dan Enright : 

……we could check..?

Quiz Show - "Even More Insulting" - Rob Morrow x Martin Scorsese

The Law Man :

The Chairman's instructions are for me 

to get you up there as promptly as possible. 

The Questions are to take no longer than 15 minutes;

You're to receive The Questions in advance... 

and I'm to thank you for The Courtesy 

of attending this hearing. 

Corporate America :

(flipping through a clipboard)

Mercy. What a gruelling

line of Inquiry. 

The Law Man :

(poking The Bear --)

....Must have a familiar ring, 

The Questions in advance --

Corporate America :

Would you excuse us for a moment, 

please? And take this, please. Thank you.

The Wolf, The Ram and 

The Hart clear The Room --

Corporate America :

Young Man --

The Law Man :

The ratings went up 

if the same contestant

came back week after week. 

There was only one way 

for that to happen. 

You had to know that. 

Corporate America :

Young Man -- I sell over $ million 

a year worth of Geritol. Geritol. 

That's the kind of Businessman I am. 

That show, Twenty-One, cost me 

$ - / million year in, year out. 

Sales went up 50% when 

Van Doren was on. 

Fifty percent. 

So the very idea that 

I was unaware of 

every detail or 

aspect of that show's operation... 

well, frankly, it's.... it's 

very insulting.

The Law Man :

So you knew.

Corporate America :

 That's even more insulting.

The Law Man :

You had to know. 

That's what you just said.

Corporate America :

It's not about "What I Know";

It's about what you "know".

The Law Man :

You don't know 

what I know.

Corporate America :

You "know" that Dan Enright 

ran a crooked quiz show.

The Law Man :

Oh, he never informed you?

Corporate America :

(irridescent smirk) .....Did he?

The Law Man :

Let's see what he says. 

Corporate America :

Dan? Look, Dan Enright wants 

A Future in Television. Okay? 

What you have to 

understand is that
The Public has a 

very short memory. 

But Corporations, 

They never forget. 

The Law Man :

He's not that stupid. 

He knows he's through. 

Corporate America :

Oh, no. He'll be back. 

NBC's gonna go on. 

Geritol's gonna go on. 

It makes me wonder what you hope 

to accomplish with all this. 

The Law Man :

Don't worry. I'm 

just gettin' started. 

Corporate America :

But even The Quiz 

Shows'll be back. 

Why fix them? 

Think about it, will ya? 

You could do exactly 

the same thing 

by just making 

The Questions easier. 

See, The Audience didn't tune in to watch

some amazing display of intellectual ability :

They just wanted to 

watch The Money.

The Law Man :

(gobsmacked) Imagine if 

They could Watch You --

Corporate America :

(smiles) You're a bright young kid 

with a bright future --

Watch yourself out there.