WPC : Yaz and The Rize of The British Policewoman

"Grown-ups really shouldn't need to call The Internet Police to sort it out for them."

Les Miserables isn't 

about The Policeman.

Jamie :

So, you’re sort of like a  — 

World Secret Police..?

Brig. Lethbridge-Stewart :

Well, no, we don’t actually arrest people — we just investigate.

[Call centre / Tardis] 

POLLY: 

UK Security Helpline. 

This is Polly. How can I help?

Our Lady : 

I'm sorry, what? 

POLLY: 

UK Security Helpline. 

How can I help?

Our Lady : 

Get me Kate Stewart at UNIT. 

This is a code zero emergency.

POLLY :

I don't know what that is, I'm afraid. 

Which organisation did you say?

Our Lady : 

UNIT. Unified Intelligence Taskforce. 

This is incredibly urgent. 

The fate of the entire planet is at stake.

POLLY: 

Checking for you. 

Oh, I'm so sorry. 

UNIT operations have been suspended pending review. 

Our Lady : 

What? No, it can't have been. 

UNIT is a fundamentally vital protection for planet Earth against alien invasion.

POLLY: 

Yes, but when did that last happen?

Our Lady : 

Now! Right now!

What happened to it?

POLLY: 

Just checking. 

All UNIT operations were put on hold following financial disputes and subsequent funding withdrawal by the UK's major international partners.

Our Lady : 

You're kidding. 

POLLY: 

Other Armed Forces are available if you can answer a couple of questions to help me best direct your call.

(The Doctor ends the call.)

Our Lady : 

We're on our own. 

The Austro-Hungarian Empire was the ideal model of a Police State.

It copied (and perfected) the French model refined during the Revolutionary, Napoleonic and post-Napoleonic eras.

It was said of the Hapsburg Empire of Prince Metternich, it was maintained by —

A Standing Army of Soldiers

A Sitting Army of Bureaucrats

A Kneeling Army of Priests 

and 

A Creeping Army of Informants

This is why I am so interested by the timeliness of the new BBC adaptation of Les Miserables —

And, by Bane knitting —

The Colourful Jester : 

It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done. 

It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known...
 

(Mel comes running in) 

MEL: 

Never mind the Sydney Carton heroics!

You're not signing on as a martyr yet. 

The Colourful Jester :

Go away, Mel. Go away. 

MEL: 

That trial was an illusion...!

(The tumbril vanishes and the Doctor falls onto the cobblestones.)
 

The Colourful Jester :

Ow! You've ruined everything!

Run, You Brilliant Girl —

and

BE A DOCTOR

A young Police Constable approaches two squabbling women. Her attitude to policing seems to channel Sgt Cawood from Happy Valley.

SONIA: 

She smashed it with a hammer!

JANEY: 

Cos you keyed me nearside door!

SONIA: 

Because you parked in my spot!

JANEY: 

It's not your spot. 

There are no spots.

YAZ: 

Ladies, please! 

Thank you. 

Can I suggest a simple solution? 

 “ Never Ask for Permission, It’s a Complete Waste of Time. ” 

— Tony Benn 

You pay for her cracked window,

 you pay for her scratched door, 

and we all agree that parking round here is a nightmare —

But that grown-ups really shouldn't need to call The Police to sort it out for them. 

Now, if we're all agreed on that, 

there's no need for me to take any further Police Action and we can all get on with our lives. 

What do you reckon?

[Police car / Police station]

YASMIN: 

I'm just saying,  
I am capable of more 
 than parking disputes.

RAMESH: 

And I keep telling you, 

Don't run before you can walk. 

You're a probationer, Yaz. 

Learn The Basics.

From Who? (See What I Did There..?)  

— She was sent out to attend the parking incident solo, so she already  knows “The Basics of Routine Community-Policing”, well enoughto do it unsupervised, without additional officers or back-up, whilst sleep-walking underwater, and with the lights off for the entire street, as well as the next 3 streets on either side. 

She Doesn’t Need Supervision

And They Know That.

Because She’s unpartnered — and out there on her own.

YAZ : 

I want to do more. 

Can you not get them to give me something that'll test me? 

Something a bit different.

RAMESH: 

There is something that just came in....

If you want ‘different’....

“For a over a Thousand Generations, The Jedi Knights were the Guardians of Peace and Justice in The Old Republic —”

“We Can Only Protect You;

We Can’t Fight a War for a You.”

“We’re Not Soldiers.”

“Before The Dark Times —

Before The Empire.

But There are Alternatives to Fighting.

You Must Face Darth Vader, Again.

BILL MOYERS: 
We downloaded something from your Web site the other day and there you were talking about how you wanted the Jedi to be more than just fighters. 

You wanted them to be “spiritual,” but you didn’t say what you meant by that?


GEORGE LUCAS: 
Well, I — I guess they’re like ultimate father figures or negotiators. 

And — and at this point in time they are — 

They’re sent out to negotiate a — a deal.


They help to put forth answers where people are in the middle of a dispute.




GEORGE LUCAS: 
They’re aren’t an aggressive force at all. 
They try to — Conflict Resolution, I guess, is what you might — 

Intergalactic Therapists.

“This is an Unexpected Move for Her — it’s too aggressive.”

Ah,

1985 :

You’re Built Over LOT of Death

RYAN: 

So, today I want to talk about 

The Greatest Woman I Ever Met. 

Smart, funny, caring. 

Proper special. 

My nan. 

Because... she died.

[Ryan's bedroom]

RYAN: 

First me mum six years ago, and now me nan. 

It's like the best people get taken first. 

I had a lot to learn from her 

and I were looking forward to that. 

She died like she lived, 

trying to Help Other People. 

I love you, Nan, and tomorrow 

I'm going out there for you.

[Moors]

(Amazingly, the bike is still rideable - but Ryan still keeps falling off, bless.) 

RYAN: 
Three, two, one... 

(The Doctor watches from a distance as Ryan keeps trying and falling and trying again.)

[Chapel]

 

Our Lady :

What time did Your Dad say he'd get here? 

RYAN: 

Two hours ago. 

Our Lady :

If he said he'll come... 

RYAN: 

He says a lot of things. 

He's never been the best at being reliable. 

I mean, how can he not be here? 

She's His Mum. 

She would've wanted him here. 

I want him here. 

(The memorial service has started.) 

GRAHAM: 

Lots of you knew Grace longer than me, so I can't stand here and pretend to know everything about her. 

I wasn't her first husband, 

but she said I would do for a second attempt. 

I can only tell you about the Grace I met, 

when I thought I didn't have much time left. 

The... the Grace that showed me 

Life had more to offer, and... 

And I know if she was here now, 

she'd tell us not to be so sad. 

You see, I can hear her saying to me, 

Graham, we had three glorious years, 

what're you complaining about? 

I'm complaining because I wanted more. 

You see, Grace was a better person than I could ever be. 

And I should have gone and... 
Grace should still be here.

[Outside Ryan's home]

Our Lady : :

What did you mean in your speech, 

you thought you'd run out of time? 

GRAHAM:
Oh, well, er, I had cancer and er...
Well, strictly speaking, I'm still in remission, 

three years gone.
And Grace was my chemo nurse.

That's where we met and fell in love. 

So by rights, I shouldn't even be here. 

YASMIN:
Have you got family?

The Woman :

No. Lost them a long time ago. 

RYAN: 

How do you cope with that?

The Woman :

I carry them with Me. 
What they would've thought and said and done. 
I make them a part of Who I Am. 

So even though they're gone from The World, 
they're never gone from Me. 

THE ELDER : 
That's The Sort of Thing 

Grace Would Have Said.

(Everyone is asleep except Victoria, who has the gun. The Doctor yawns and Victoria turns the weapon on him. He raises his arms in surrender.)

The Cosmic Hobo :

I'm on your side, remember? 

Hey, why didn't you wake me? 

I should have been on watch half an hour ago.

VICTORIA: 

I thought you should rest. 
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Why me?

VICTORIA: 

No reason really.
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Oh, I think I know. 

Is it because I'm...

VICTORIA : 

Well, if you are 450 years old, 
you need a great deal of sleep.
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Well that's very considerate of you, Victoria, 
but between you and me, 
I'm really quite lively actually, all things being considered.

(The Doctor takes the gun.)

The Cosmic Hobo :

Are you happy with us, Victoria?

VICTORIA:

Yes, I am. 

At least, I would be if my father were here.

 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Yes, I know, I know.

VICTORIA: 

I wonder what he would have thought if he could see me now.
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

You miss him very much, don't you?

VICTORIA: 

It's only when I close my eyes. 

I can still see him standing there, before those horrible Dalek creatures came to the house. 

He was a very kind man, 

I shall never forget him. Never.

The Cosmic Hobo :

No, of course you won't. 

But, you know, 

the memory of him 

won't always be 

a sad one.

VICTORIA: 

I think it will —

You can't understand, 

being so ancient.
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Eh?

VICTORIA: 
I mean old.
 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Oh.

VICTORIA: 

You probably can't remember 

Your Family.

 
The Cosmic Hobo :

Oh yes, I can when I want to. 

And that's The Point, really —

I have to really want to, 

to bring them back in 

front of my eyes. 

The rest of the time 

they sleep in my mind, 

and I forget. 

And so will you. 
Oh yes, you will. 

You'll find there's so much else to think about. 

So remember, our lives 

are different 

to anybody else's. 

That's the exciting thing. 

There's nobody in The Universe can do what we're doing. 

You must get some sleep and let this poor old man stay awake.