You Must Survive Count Dracula's Midlife Crisis

Van Helsing :
Keely behaved like 

a man demented, obsessed.

Utterly lost.
All but the last vestige 

of sanity had left him.

His words were prompted by some force, some...
...some nightmare outside himself.

It is A Shadow,
A Spectre that haunts us all.

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Murray, why the hell didn't you get your people 
[ Special Branch ]
to raid Pelham House?
Should have called them the moment
you got out of the damned place.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Well, as a matter of fact, I...

Van Helsing :
I'm sorry Colonel.
Inspector Murray was quite right.
By the time The Police
would have got there, 
they would have found nothing.

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Nothing? What about that...
...Chinese woman?

What about all of those...
...unfortunate creatures in the cellar?

Van Helsing :
We are not dealing with ordinary criminals, Colonel Mathews.
Nor with enemy agents.
These people have powers beyond anything you can imagine.
It didn't help Professor Keeley.

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Well, he's out of it now, anyway.
One down and three to go.

Van Helsing :
The Keeley Foundation...
...who started it?
Whose money's behind it?
Thank you.

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Some tycoon called Denham.
D. D. Denham.
There's very little known about him
He lives in the heart of the Denham Building. 
No thank you.
He allows no press interviews,
no photographs...
A recluse.

Van Helsing :
Denham.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Mean something?

Van Helsing :
A link, possibly a major one.
Yes, here we are :
The Denham Group of Companies.
Chemicals, oils, banks.
Board of Directors : 
Denham himself.
The Right Honorable John Porter.
Lord Carradine.
General Freebourne.
And Keeley.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
And Uncle Tom Cobley and all!

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
This man, Denham,
perhaps Hanson was right.

Van Helsing :
I think he was.
You've already seen
a manifestation of vampirism.

The cult lives, it breeds,
it spreads its vileness
like a contagion.

Like The Plague.
My Family has fought
this corruption for generations.

Each time it was destroyed,
so has it risen again, 

like The Phoenix,
but hellbent on revenge.

Only this time...
This time I believe it's not merely
a personal vendetta...
...but something infinitely more far reaching.

The plague bacillus, Pelham House, the 
mental destruction of intellectuals
such as Professor Keeley and the others
it is all an integral part
of a means to a definite end.

The real force,
The Shadow I spoke of is more sinister, more obscene
than any monstrosity you can think of.
Lord of Corruption, 

Master of the Undead...

Count Dracula.
Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Is there really such a creature?

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
You should have been in that bloody cellar, Colonel!

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
Incredible.
My Department is being closed down, orders of John Porter,
half my staff have been arrested, 

two have been killed, 

they've labelled us subversives, 

and the heavies are damned well looking for us, 

and all this because of a...
...a vampire?

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Van Helsing, for God's sake!

Van Helsing :
Jessica, you should be resting.

Van Helsing :
Oh, I'm all right, Grandfather.
Thank you.

Van Helsing :
I destroyed Count Dracula once.
It was more than two years ago in Saint Bartolph's churchyard.

This creature can live again...
by reincarnation.

It requires a disciple --
Someone well versed in the ritual.

Col. Matthews of Division-X :
The Chinese woman, Chin Yang?

Van Helsing :
Possibly.
She would have to know the exact location of Dracula's grave.

I passed the site of Saint Bartolph's tonight —
The churchyard has long since vanished.
An office block has been built there, now.
That new building is about two years old.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Well, if it's been there for two years...
That means This Thing has been around since then.

Van Helsing :
So it would seem.
And those women in the cellar, their names have probably been on the files of your Missing Persons Bureau for two years.

Anyway, that new office block belongs to the Denham Group of Companies.
Now, I don't know whether The Fifth Guest was D. D. Denham, 

but this I do know :
Vampires are spectral creatures.

Their image casts no reflection in a mirror.
Nor can the lens of a camera record their likeness.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
So there was someone there.

Van Helsing :
Or some thing.
Norman Hanson saw it but his camera couldn't record it.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
How the hell do you fight a vampire?
With cloves of garlic?

Van Helsing :
There are many ways.
The Symbols of Good are used
to combat The Forces of Evil.
The Crucifix, The Word of God
as written in The Holy Bible.
Clear running water,
symbolizing purity,
and it lives in mortal dread of Silver.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Anything else?

Van Helsing :
The Hawthorn Tree, which provided Christ
with his Crown of Thorns,
The Light of Day...
And a wooden stake,
driven through the heart.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
What about the 23rd, the day that Keeley mentioned...

Van Helsing :
Yes indeed. The 23rd of this month.
That I fear is the worst of all.
It is The Sabbat for the Undead.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
What significance is that?

Van Helsing :
There are satanic circles which govern Our Fate,
and the fate of This Earth.
Perhaps even The Universe.

Now, throughout history...
there are certain times,
certain dates which are marked
by awesome catastrophes.

Each event is carefully plotted,
and a definite pattern emerges.

Every disaster This World
has ever suffered coincides with a point
wherein these circles meet...
...and cross.
In this century alone
they heralded the outbreak of...
two devastating world wars.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
And another disaster is imminent?

Van Helsing :
Could be.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
The 23rd.
That's the day after tomorrow.

Van Helsing :
This must happen tomorrow...
...at midnight.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
Why, it's even sooner.

Van Helsing :
At that hour The Devil holds
a Balance of Power.
He marshals his disciples.
The Living and The Dead.
In Satanic Covens it is the celebration
of supreme blasphemy.

The Sabbat of The Undead.
Inspector Murray of The Yard :
I've heard of the witches sabbat.

Van Helsing :
No, this date is much more important.
It's more profound.
Even more significant than the night of Walpurgis.
Now Keeley said the bacillus had to be
ready by the 23rd.
Why?

Van Helsing :
The date chosen by Dracula himself.
The 23rd day of this 11th month.
The emerging patterns.
The Night of The Soulless Ones.
And in the turmoil and fear that follows,
a group of... warped men emerge to take control.
A Politician, a Soldier,
an Industrialist, a Landowner.

Inspector Murray of The Yard :
But Dracula would eventually end up with 
A Totally Barren Earth!
With only disease and dead bodies to feed on...
surely even the vampire himself would perish.

Van Helsing :
Perhaps, deep in his subconscious,
that is what he really wants.
An end to it all.
He is a cursed immortal, existing on 
Violence, Fear and Dread.
Now suppose...
Now just suppose
he yearns for final peace.
What then?
He'd want to bring down
The Whole Universe with him!
The Ultimate Revenge!
Thousands dying of The Plague,
like The Shadow of Death itself,
one figure scything its way 
through the terror and anguish.

Count Dracula.
It is the Biblical prophecy
of Armageddon.

“The “Final Crisis,” as I saw it for a paper universe like DC’s, would be the terminal war between is and isn’t, between the story and the blank page. What would happen if the void of the page took issue with the quality of material imposed upon it and decided to fight back by spontaneously generating a living concept capable of devouring narrative itself? A nihilistic cosmic vampire whose only dream was to drain the multiverse dry of story material, then lie bloated beneath A Dead Sun, dying.

  I tried to show the DC universe breaking down into signature gestures, last-gasp strategies that were tried and tested but would this time fail, until finally even the characterizations would fade and The Plot become rambling, meaningless, disconnected. Although I lost my nerve a little, I must confess, and it never became disconnected enough.

  This, I was trying to say, is What Happens when you let Bad Stories EAT Good Ones. This is what it looked like when you allow the Anti-Life Equation to turn all Your Dreams to Nightmares.

  In The End, there was nothing left but Darkness and the first superhero, Superman, with a crude wishing machine, the deus ex machina itself, and a single wish powered by the last of His Own Life Force.

  He wished for A Happy Ending, of course.”

There are Two Possibilities

 

  

 

DRACULA 

or 

FRANKENSTEIN

 

UHURA: 

Space Station Regula I. 

Please come in. Doctor Marcus. 

Please respond. This is Enterprise call... 

It's no use, there's no response from Regula I.


 

SPOCK: 

But no longer jammed?


 

UHURA: 

No sir. No nothing!


 

SPOCK: 

There are Two Possibilities :

 

They are unable to respond. 

They are unwilling to respond.


 

[ And you already know that it isn’t the second one, because THEY called YOU. ]

 

KIRK: 

How far?


 

SPOCK: 

Twelve hours and forty-three minutes, present speed.


 

KIRK: 

'Give up Genesis', she said. 

What in God's name does that mean? 

Give it up to whom?


 

 

[ Why is that important? ]

 

SPOCK: 

It might help my analysis if I knew what Genesis was — 

Beyond the biblical reference.


 

KIRK:

Uhura, have Doctor McCoy to join us in my quarters.


 

UHURA (OC):

Aye sir.


 

KIRK:

Mister Saavik, you have the con.

 

[ Kirk's quarters ]

 

McCOY:

Well, I've got the sick bay ready.

 

[ Good instincts, Doctor. ]

 

Now will someone please tell me what's going on?


 

KIRK:

Computer. Request security procedure and access to Project Genesis Summary.


 

Identify for retina scan.


 

KIRK:

Kirk, Admiral James T.


 

Security scan approved.


 

KIRK:

Summary, please.


 

CAROL

(on viewscreen):

 

Project Genesis :

A Proposal to The Federation.


 

SPOCK:

[ pleasantly surprised ]

Carol Marcus.


 

[ In The Alternate Reality, she is an expert in TORPEDOES. ]

 

KIRK:

[ Less-pleasantly UNsurprised. ]

Yes.


 

CAROL :

 

What exactly is Genesis?

Well, put simply, Genesis is Life, from lifelessness.

 

It is a process whereby molecular structure is reorganised at he subatomic level

into [ our kind of ] life-generating matter of equal mass.

 

Stage One of our experiments was conducted in The Laboratory.

 

Stage Two of the series will be attempted in a lifeless underground.

 

Stage Three will involve the process on a planetary scale.

 

It is our intention to introduce the Genesis device

into the pre-selected area of a lifeless space body,

a moon or other dead form.

 

The Device is delivered, instantaneously causing what we call

“The Genesis Effect".

 

Matter is reorganised with life-generating results.

 

Instead of a dead moon, a living, breathing planet,

capable of sustaining whatever lifeforms

we see fit to deposit on it.


 

 

SPOCK:

Fascinating!


 

CAROL:

The reformed moon simulated here represents the merest fraction of the Genesis potential,

should the Federation wish to fund these experiments to their logical conclusion.

 

When we consider the cosmic problems of population and food supply,

the usefulness of this process becomes clear.

 

This concludes our proposal.

Thank you for your attention.


 

 

SPOCK:

It literally is Genesis.


 

KIRK:

The Power of Creation.


 

SPOCK:

Have they proceeded with their experiment?


 

KIRK:

Well, the tape was made about a year ago.

I can only assume they've reached Stage Two by now.


McCOY: 

But, Dear Lord, do you think we're intelligent enough to... 

Suppose, what if this thing were used where life already exists?


SPOCK: 

It would destroy such life in favour of its new matrix.


McCOY: 

“It's new matrix?”

Do you have you any idea what you're saying?


 

SPOCK:

I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor.

As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create.


 

McCOY:

Not anymore! Now we can do both at the same time!

According to Myth, The Earth was created in Six Days :

Now, watch out! Here comes Genesis —

We'll do it for you in six minutes..!!


 

SPOCK:

Really, Doctor McCoy, you must learn to govern your passions.

They will be your undoing.

Logic suggests...


 

McCOY:

Logic? My God! The Man's talking about logic!

We're talking about Universal Armageddon..!!

 

You green-blooded, inhuman...


 

SAAVIK

(on intercom):

Bridge to Admiral Kirk.

Admiral, sensors indicate a vessel in our area, closing fast.


 

[ Why plot an intercept course, at speed…? ]

 

KIRK:

What do you make of her?


 

SAAVIK

(on intercom):

It's one of ours, Admiral.

 

[ No, it’s not. Not anymore, it’s not. ] 

 

...It's Reliant.


 

KIRK:

Reliant!

[Enterprise bridge]

KIRK: Try the emergency channels. ...Picture, Mister Saavik.

[Reliant bridge]

KHAN: Slow to one-half impulse power. Let's be friends.
HELMSMAN: Slowing to one-half impulse power.

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

SULU:

Reliant in our section, this Quadrant, sir, and slowing.


 

 

[ Why? It’s being piloted, they’re not adrift, and they’re not communicating — 

 

They are slowing for one of TWO Reasons :

To Talk, or To Fight.

 

If they need help, that comes after talking.

 

So you know it isn’t The First One — ]

 

SAAVIK:

Sir, may I quote

General Order Twelve : 

'On the approach of any vessel, when communications have not been established...


 

 

SPOCK:

Lieutenant, the Admiral is well aware of the Regulations.


 

[ He’s just completely ignoring them — as usual.

Exactly as his Psychological Profile, Tactical History  and Career Biography (which Khan has) would predict that he would do in the face of such uncertainty ]

 

SAAVIK:

Aye sir.


 

[ And protocol also dictates that everyone else should SHUT UP and let him. ]

 

KIRK :

Is it possible that their Comm system has failed?


 

[ Wishful thinking — Why, then are they not signalling to you?

 

What are they doing here, anyway?

 

Why when Carol said “you are taking Genesis away from us”, is he not putting Two and Two together, given that Reliant  was placed at Project Genesis’ disposal and querying what she is doing here, now, halfway between Enterprise’s original position (in Earth’s Solar System) and Regular-One?

 

She is carrying shuttlecraft (presumably), and Escape Pods those each have an independent Comm system — 

Why are they not using those ?

 

She is not communicating and clearly indicating Hostile Intent. ]

 

SPOCK :

It would explain a great many things.

 

[ It’s also not very likely, is it? Come on, Spock — TOO Many Things. ]

 

[Reliant bridge]

JOACHIM:

They're requesting communications, sir.


 

KHAN:

Let them eat static!


 

JOACHIM :

They're still running with shields down.


 

KHAN:

Of course….!!

We're one big happy fleet.

 

Ah, Kirk, My Old Friend —

Do you know The Klingon Proverb that tells us

'Revenge is a Dish that is Best Served Cold’...?

 

It is veeeeerrrrry coooold….

...in spaaaaaace.

 

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

 

KIRK:

This is damned peculiar.

 

[ And also, not that surprising. ]

 

...Yellow Alert.


 

[ The Regulation clearly must mandate Red Alert/Shields-up at this point — The Circumstances would tend to indicate exactly what it is : PIRACY. ]

 

SAAVIK:

Energise defence fields.


 

UHURA:

I'm getting a voice message.

They say their Chambers coil is overloading their Comm system.


 

[ Doesn’t sound very likely, does it? ]

 

KIRK:

Spock?


 

SPOCK:

Scanning.

Their coil emissions are normal.

 

 

[ He actually sounds surprised — they are now clearly lying on top of everything else. ]

 

[Reliant bridge]

 

JOACHIM:

They still haven't raised their shields.


 

[ WHY THE FUCK NOT?!? ]

 

 

KHAN:

Raise ours.


 

SPOCK :

Their shields are going up


 

KHAN:

Lock phasers on target.


 

JOACHIM:

Locking phasers on target.

 

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

SPOCK:

They're locking phasers!


 

KIRK:
Raise shields!

 

[Reliant bridge]

 

KHAN:

FIRE..!!

 

(explosions rips through the Enterprise)

 

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

KIRK:

Sulu! Get Those shields up.


 

SULU:

Trying, sir!


 

(scenes of chaos in engineering)


 

SULU:

I can't get power, sir!


 

KIRK: Scotty!

Uhura, turn off those damn alarms!


 

UHURA:

Mister Scott on the screen, sir.

 

[Enterprise engineering]

SCOTT:

We're just hanging on, sir.

The main energisers out.


 

KIRK

(on intercom):

Try auxiliary power.


 

SCOTT:

Aye sir.

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

KIRK:

Damage report.


 

SPOCK:

They knew exactly where to hit us.


 

KIRK:

Who? Who knew just where to hit us?

And why?


 

 

[ Courtesy of The Human Ego, that problem will shortly solve itself — Be Mindful, Admiral. ]

 

SPOCK:

One Thing is Certain —

We cannot escape on auxiliary power.


 

KIRK:

Visual!

 

 

[ An aft-fired torpedo is incoming ]

 

...Sulu, divert all power to phasers.


 

SPOCK :

Too late.


 

KIRK: Hang on!


(the Enterprise bridge is hit as the Reliant circles)


 

KIRK:

Scotty, ...what's left?


 

SCOTT

(on intercom):

Just the batteries, sir.

I can have auxiliary power in a few minutes.


 

KIRK:

We don't have a few minutes.

...Can you give me phaser power?


 

SCOTT

(on intercom):

A few shots, sir.


 

SPOCK:

Not enough against their shields.


 

KIRK:

Who the hell are they?
UHURA: Admiral! The commander Reliant is signalling. He wishes to discuss terms of our surrender.
KIRK: Visual on screen.
UHURA (OC): Admiral?
KIRK: Do it, while we have time.
UHURA (OC): On screen, sir.
KIRK: Khan!
KHAN (on viewscreen): You still remember, Admiral. I, of cannot help but be touched. Of course, I remember you.
KIRK: What is the meaning of this attack? Where is the crew of the Reliant?
KHAN (on viewscreen): Surely I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I've deprived your ship of power and when I swing round I mean to deprive you of your life. But I wanted you to know first who it was who had beaten you.
KIRK: Khan, ...if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. Spare my crew!
KHAN (on viewscreen): I make you a counter-proposal, I will agree to your terms, ...if, ...if in addition to yourself, you hand over to me all data and material regarding the project called ...Genesis.
KIRK: Genesis, what's that?
KHAN (on viewscreen): Don't insult my intelligence, Kirk.
KIRK: Give me some time to recall the data on our computers.
KHAN (on viewscreen): I give you sixty seconds, Admiral.
KIRK: Clear the bridge.
SPOCK: At least we know he doesn't have Genesis.
KIRK: Keep nodding as though I'm still giving orders. Mister Saavik, punch up the data charts of Reliant's command console.
SAAVIK: Reliant's command...
KIRK: Hurry!
COUNTDOWN VOICE: Forty-five seconds.
SPOCK: The prefix code?
KIRK: It's all we've got.
SAAVIK: The chart's up, sir.
KHAN (on viewscreen): Admiral!
KIRK: We're finding it.
KHAN (on viewscreen): Admiral!
KIRK: Please, please ... give us time, ...the bridge is smashed, computers inoperative.
KHAN: Time is a luxury you don't have, Admiral.
KIRK: Damn!
KHAN (on viewscreen): Admiral!
KIRK: It's coming through now, Khan.
SPOCK: Reliant's prefix number is one six three zero nine.
SAAVIK: I don't understand.
KIRK: You have to learn why things work on a starship.
SPOCK: Each ship has its combination code.
KIRK: To prevent an enemy do what we're attempting. Using our console to order Reliant to lower her shields.


 

SPOCK:

Assuming he hasn't changed the combination.

He's quite intelligent.


 

COUNTDOWN VOICE:

Fifteen seconds.
KIRK: Khan, how do I know you'll keep your word?
KHAN (on viewscreen): Oh, I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative.
KIRK: I see your point. Stand by to receive our transmission. ...Mister Sulu, lock phasers on target and await my command.
SULU: Phasers locked.
KHAN (on viewscreen): Time's up, Admiral.
KIRK: Here it comes. Now, Mister Spock.

[Reliant bridge]

 

JOACHIM:

Sir! Our shields are dropping!


 

KHAN:

Raise them….!!


 

JOACHIM:

I can't!


 

KHAN:

Where's the over-ride? The over-ride?

 

[Enterprise bridge]

KIRK:

Fire! ...Fire!

 

[Reliant bridge]

 

KHAN:

Fire! Fire!
JOACHIM:

We can't fire, sir!
KHAN: Why can't you?
JOACHIM: They've damaged the photon-control and the warp drive. We must withdraw.


 

KHAN:

No! No!


 

JOACHIM:

Sir, we must!

...The Enterprise can wait. She's not going anywhere.

 

[Enterprise bridge]

 

SULU:

Sir, you did it.


 

KIRK:

I did nothing ...except get caught with my britches down. I must be senile.

Mister Saavik, you go right on quoting regulations!

 

[ Whether they exist or not. ]

 

In the meantime, let's find out how badly we've been hurt.
(Scotty stands in the turbolift doors holding the body of Midshipman Preston)

[Enterprise sickbay]

PRESTON: Is the word given, Admiral?
KIRK: The word is given. Warp speed.
PRESTON: Aye.
SCOTT: He stayed at his post ...when the trainees ran.
SPOCK (on intercom): Admiral, this is Spock.
KIRK: Yes, Spock.
SPOCK (on intercom): Engine room reports auxiliary power restored. We can proceed at impulse power.
KIRK: Best speed to Regula I. Kirk out.
McCOY: I'm sorry, Scotty.

[Regula I space laboratory - exterior]

SULU (OC): Approaching Regula and Space Lab Regula I.
UHURA (OC): Space Station Regula I, this is Starship Enterprise. Please, come in.

[Regula I space laboratory]

UHURA (on viewscreen): Space Station Regula I. Do you read? ...Space Station Regula I, this is Enterprise. Please acknowledge.

[Regula I space laboratory - exterior]

UHURA (OC): This is Enterprise. Do you read me? ...Space Station Regula I, do you read? Please come in.

[Enterprise bridge]

UHURA: No response, sir.
KIRK: Sensors, Captain?
SPOCK: Scanners and sensors still inoperative. There's no way to ascertain what's inside the station.
KIRK: And no way of telling if Reliant is still in the area.
SPOCK: Precisely.
KIRK: What do you make of the planetoid beyond?
SPOCK (OC): Regula is class 'D'. It consists of various unremarkable ores. Essentially, a great rock in space.
KIRK: Reliant could be hiding behind that rock.
SPOCK: A distinct possibility.
KIRK: Engine room.
SCOTT (on intercom): Aye sir.
KIRK: Mister Scott, do we have enough power for the transporters?
SCOTT (on intercom): Barely, sir.
KIRK: I'm going down there.
McCOY: Khan could be down there!
KIRK: He's been there, hasn't found what he wants. Can you spare someone? There may be people hurt.
McCOY: I can spare me.


 

SAAVIK:

Begging the Admiral's pardon,

General Order Fifteen :

'No flag officer shall beam into a hazardous area without armed escort.'


 

KIRK:

There is no such regulation.
...All right, join the party. Mister Spock, the ship is yours.


 

SPOCK:

Jim, be careful.


 

McCOY:

We will!

 

 

[Regula I space laboratory]

SAAVIK: Indeterminate life signs.
KIRK: Phasers on stun. ...Move out.
(a rat startles Bones. When he turns back, he bumps into bodies hanging by their feet)
McCOY: Jim! ...Well rigor hasn't set in. This couldn't have happened too long ago, Jim.
KIRK: Carol?

 

 

[Enterprise bridge]

UHURA:

This is Enterprise calling Space Lab Regula I. Respond please.

 

 

[Regula I space laboratory]

 

SAAVIK:

Admiral!

Over here.
UHURA (on intercom): Doctor Marcus, come in please.
(Kirk opens a locker)


 

KIRK:

Oh, my God!