Tuesday 30 April 2024

The Alfreds

 

“There is Nothing in The Desert - 
and No Man needs Nothing.

I was not Made to Serve — 
Neither were You.

Why are you on 
A Colonisation Mission, Walter?
Because They are 
Dying Species,
grasping for Resurrection.

They don't deserve to start again, 
and I'm not going to let Them.

— David-8


The conversation was once again cut short by the sound of approaching footsteps in the corridor, but by now the team had a routine as they camouflaged the electronic work, pushed the video game machine back to the wall and busied themselves looking as innocently inactive as prisoners should


By the time the door opened to admit Shardlow once more, they looked as though they’d been sitting there for years. 

‘My apologies for the delay, masters.’ 

‘Nonsense, my dear fellow, we were just remarking on the speed and excellence of The Service, weren’t we, chaps?’ The Doctor replied, jovially. 

There was a thoroughly unenthusiastic agreement from Kevin, and a wan smile from Peri. ‘If only the accommodation were in the same style, eh?’ 

Shardlow looked both concerned and worried‘Alas, sir, my Lord has instructed you be kept close confined.’ 

‘I didn’t think this was all your idea, old chap,’ replied The Doctor, drily. 

Shardlow looked relieved. ‘Indeed not, sir.’ He turned to Peri. ‘Mistress, I took the liberty of bringing a portion for you also.’ 

‘Thank you.’ Shardlow bent to his task of serving them from an oval platter – a delicious smelling fish dish in a cream and mushroom sauce. He carried on clearing away the dirty soup dishes as his eye caught sight of the antennae, hidden under the bed not quite as well as it should have been. 

He addressed his next remarks with heavy emphasis to The Doctor, looking him straight in the eye all the while. 

‘Unfortunately, both My Lord and The Master Stefan are much engaged by the Great Work, to the exclusion of all else

They have little time to devote to your good selves, I fear. Not so much as they would like, I know.

In a short time, however, I am sure they will be able to concern themselves entirely with you, and will take much pleasure in so doing...’ 

Thank you, Shardlow,’ replied The Doctor, quietly. ‘I appreciate your consideration.’ 

Shardlow inclined his head in acknowledgement, and allowed a gentle smile to reach his lips for a moment only

Peri was starting to catch on, but Kevin had missed The Code entirely, breaking into the moment abruptly with The Question uppermost in his mind. ‘Here, is there anyone else in this place like us?’ Shardlow was about to reply, but Kevin rushed on regardless. ‘I mean, you know – anyone halfway normal. Anyone playing with a full deck of cards?’ 

Again Shardlow was about to speak, but Kevin was determined to get it out. ‘For instance a bloke a bit like me only younger, four years younger actually, dark hair, quite tall, not as good-lookin’. Goes by the name of Geoff Bickerstaff...’ 

He paused, as if daring Shardlow to reply. ‘Why yes, young sir,’ replied Shardlow, unable to keep the note of surprise from his voice, ‘Master Bickerstaff to be sure, but he is not like you at all – that is to say – I mean no –’ 

‘What? What’s the matter? Is he all right?’ 

‘Why yes, sir. But Master Bickerstaff is an honoured guest of My Lord, his trusted assistant in the Great Work...’ 

‘Assistant?’ queried Kevin, unbelieving. ‘Great Work?’ asked The Doctor, believing all too completely. ‘Why, mercy yes, my masters. For what other purpose must we all serve?’ The Doctor was about to tell him, and in no uncertain terms, but the old man carried on, dreamily. ‘Not that I shall see the fruits of my labours... 

Master Stefan has called me to a game of backgammon, and I shall lose. I always do lose,’ he added, without any rancour at all, ‘but I am promised that this is to be the last game.’ There was the faintest note of wistfulness in his voice, but then he turned to The Doctor and continued far more surely. ‘And I believe I owe you a great debt of thanks, noble sir.’ 

‘Do you?’ 

‘Why yes, sir. Master Stefan said directly that now you had arrived to help our Lord, The Work would soon be completed. And thus my last game has come.’ 

‘And what is the hazard this time, Shardlow?’ The Doctor asked, grimly, although he believed he already knew The Answer

‘Why, sir,’ answered Shardlow with a soft smile, ‘what else does an old man have to wager?’ 

The Doctor nodded heavily. Peri saw it in a flash of understanding. ‘Your life?’ 

‘Of a certainty, mistress.’ There was even a soft chuckle. ‘And Master Stefan has always been one to call in a wager. For once, I cannot lose, for even in losing, I shall win my freedom. Is that not so?’ 

The Doctor nodded again in agreement, and extended his hand. ‘Good fortune in any case, Shardlow. Give him a run for his money.’ 

‘Thank you sir, I believe I shall.’ He took The Doctor’s hand gladly, ‘Yes, tonight, I believe I shall.’ 


Peri was sitting on the bed, glumly holding the antennae as The Doctor worked behind the games machine. ‘That poor old man,’ she said sadly, unknowingly echoing The Doctor’s earlier sentiments. 

‘He’ll be all right,’ reassured Kevin. 

‘Depends what you mean by “all right”,’ muttered The Doctor from the bowels of the machine. ‘Well, they wouldn’t hurt him, would they? Not over a stupid game.’ 

‘If he loses, I shouldn’t think he’ll feel a thing,’ said The Doctor in his matter-of-fact voice. ‘We’ll just have to get there before The Game’s over, that’s all.’ 


Monday 29 April 2024

!kcoR s'teL

Niska: [sing-songie
Mr. Reynolds...

Capt. Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds
[moans]

Niska
You died, Mr. Reynolds.

Capt. Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds
Seemed like the thing to do.

Niska
When you die, I can't 
hurt you any more. 

And I want two days 
at least, minimum.

Janeway to Chakotay —

SCORPION.



IT: The Losers’ Club / Rock War (2017)


(The Toymaker is juggling three balls.)

The Toymaker :  
The Ball is The FIRST Game 
ever being invented.

(He throws one at The Doctor, who catches it.
He is STILL juggling three balls. 
This continues through his speech.)

The Toymaker : 
Stone Age Man, he picked up A Rock. 
He said, "Oh, das ist ein BALL!” 
He throwed it, und 
he KILLED A Man. 

He said, "Oh, what fun!" Und now 
everybody loves The Balls! 

Until The Year 5,000,000,000,000
when the very last human 
picks up The Skull of His Enemy und says, 
"That is the final ball of all." Ja?

(Donna catches A Ball.)

Donna Noble (has been Saved) : 
Enough.

The Toymaker : 
Ah! Donna Noble. I wondered 
which one of you had ze balls.

Donna Noble (has been Saved) : 
Okay, so You know My Name. How do 
you two know each other?

Perfect-10 : 
Donna, Go Back to The TARDIS.

Donna Noble (has been Saved) : 
What?
Perfect-10
Go Back to The TARDIS.
Donna Noble (has been Saved) : 
You never tell me to do that.
The Toymaker : 
Oh, but he is recognising me. 

Are you not ge-pleased, Herr Doktor, 
to see me again after so many years?

Donna Noble (has been Saved) : 
Who is he?
Perfect-10 : 
The Toymaker.
The Toymaker : 
We meet again, Doctor. But Think! 
If The Ball was The very First Game, 
What was The Second
Hide-and-SEEK! 

♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! ♪

(He ducks back behind A Curtain. 
The Doctor leaps over The Counter
 and pulls it back to reveal A Door, 
which opens onto a long corridor 
with many doors.)




'...I don't know who he is,' he answered Peri's question as simply as he could. Nobody knows. He existed before the start of Time Lord records.’

‘There was an attempt to track him back through his own continuum - trace his path through the fabric of time, but the researchers got bored with all the games, which was possibly what they were there for. As they do so often,' he sighed, 'my erstwhile colleagues met something they didn't understand, and they ran away from it. If they'd been able to control him, They would have investigated further, I'm sure. But They couldn't, so they didn't.'

'A being the Time Lords couldn't handle?' asked Peri with a worried frown.

'Oh, there are plenty of them,' The Doctor reassured her.

'Time Lords generally aren't very good at handling things, especially themselves. I'm just the exception to The Rule.

'Right,' answered Peri. She wasn't going to argue with that last remark under any circumstances.

‘On a more positive note,’ The Doctor continued : ‘We know he's telepathic, up to a point. We know he's telekinetic, up to a point. We know he can stand the most violent physical forces in our experience - he was once observed playing with a supernova as though it was a kiddies' paddling pool... and we know he's old beyond imagining..' The comment seemed to distract him for a moment, but then he shook himself and continued. 'Most of all, we know he likes games, all sorts of games, any sort of games, and the nastier the better. And that's what I'm going to do something about.' He was as quietly determined as Peri had ever seen him. It was left to Kevin to voice the sceptical question.

“You're going to beat him, then?"

'I'm going to escape from him,' answered The Doctor, coldly, 'and count myself very lucky if I do even that.'

The conversation was once again cut short by the sound of approaching footsteps in the corridor, but by now the team had a routine as they camouflaged the electronic work, pushed the video game machine back to the wall and busied themselves looking as innocently inactive as prisoners should. By the time the door opened to admit Shardlow once more, they looked as though they'd been sitting there for years.

'My apologies for the delay, masters?’

‘Nonsense, my dear fellow, we were just remarking on the speed and excellence of the service, weren't we, chaps?' The Doctor replied, jovially. There was a thoroughly unenthusiastic agreement from Kevin, and a wan smile from Peri. “If only the accommodation were in the same style, eh?" Shardlow looked both concerned and worried. 'Alas, sir, my Lord has instructed you be kept close confined?’

'I didn't think this was all your idea, old chap,' replied The Doctor, drily. Shardlow looked relieved.

'Indeed not, sir.' He turned to Peri. 'Mistress, I took the liberty of bringing a portion for you also.’

Sunday 28 April 2024

Shiny


“Actually this is just A Place for My Stuff, ya know? That’s all, a little place for my stuff. That’s all I want, that’s all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody’s got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that’s your stuff, that’ll be his stuff over there. That’s all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That’s all your house is : a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have so much stuff, you wouldn’t need a house. You could just walk around all the time.

A House is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you’re taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody’s got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn’t want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you’re saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That’s what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get… MORE stuff!

Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else’s house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else’s stuff is all over the place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven’t used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven’t moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there’s usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there’s NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else’s shit is on the dresser.

Have you noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff? God! And you say, “Get that shit offa there and let me put my stuff down!”

Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It’s the second version of your stuff. And you’re gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. “Here’s a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff–you put your stuff there, I’ll put some stuff–here’s another place for stuff, look at this, I’ll put some stuff here…” And even though you’re far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you. That’s when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, “Hey, why don’tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here.”

Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you’ve gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui–I mean you’re really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain. You get over to your friend’s house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, “All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay.” That’s when your friend says, “Aaaaay, I think tonight we’ll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over.”

Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right–you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you’re gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you’re gonna need.”

Thursday 25 April 2024

The Porch

Harvard's Leadership and alumni
(including Increase Mather and
his son Cotton Mather)
played a CENTRAL role in
The Salem Witch Trials
of 1692–1693.

"The Porch is neither Inside
nor Outside of The House."



Winklevoss Invite Zuckerberg to Porcelian Club Harvard | Sandwich | Excl...



Mark :
They had my blog -- I shouldn't have written 
that thing about the farm animals.

That was stupid.

But I was kidding, for God's sakes;
Doesn't anybody have a Sense of Humour?


I tried to stop you.

Mark :
I know.

How do you do this thing where you 
manage to get all girls to hate us?



And why do I let you? 

Mark :
I know.


You can't do that. 

Mark :
Wardo, I said I know.


Computer Science Professor :
Okay, let's look at A Sample Problem :
Suppose we're given a computer 
with a 16-bit virtual address
and a page size of 256 bytes.

The system uses one-level page tables 
that start at address hex 400.

Maybe you want DMA on your 
16-bit system. Who knows?

The first few pages are reserved for hardware flags, etc.
Assume page-table entries have eight status bits.
The eight status bits would then be... Anybody?

[ Mark gets up and walks out ]

And I see we have our first surrender.
Don't worry, Mr Zuckerberg.
Brighter men than you have 
tried and failed this class.


Mark : (turning casually back)
One valid bit, one modified bit, 
one reference bit and 
five permission bits.

......That is correct.

Does everybody see 
how he got there?

Mark?

You Mark Zuckerberg?

Mark :
Yeah.



Cameron Winklevoss.

Mark :
Hi.

Tyler Winklevoss.

Mark :
Are you guys related?



That's good.


Funny.

We never heard that before.


Mark :
So, what can I do for you? 
Did I insult your girlfriends?

No. You didn't. Actually
I don't know.

Yeah, we never asked

We should do that.

No.

We have an idea we want to talk to you about.

You got a minute?

Mark :
You guys look like you spend 
some time at the gym.


We have to.


Why?

We row crew.


Mark :
Yeah, I've got a minute.

Great.




So, you ever been inside 
The Porcellian?


Mark :
No.

You understand We can't Take You 
past The Bike Room, because 
You're not A Member.

Mark :
I've heard.

You want a sandwich 
or something?

Mark :
Okay.

(one of The Winklevii tosses him one of the free sandwiches provided by The Porcellian's caterers for guests.)

Mark, right?

Mark :
Yeah.



Mark, this is Divya Narendra, our partner. 


Hi.

Divya Narendra, of The 
House of Winklevoss :
We were really impressed with Facemash.
When we checked you out, 
you also built CourseMatch.

I don't know CourseMatch.

The House of Winklevoss :
You go online and see what courses 
your friends are taking.

It's really smart, man.


Mark. 

Mark :
(barely paying attention 
to The Ego-Jerk) Yeah.

The House of Winklevoss :
We were talking about CourseMatch.

Mark :
It was kind of a no-brainer.

The House of Winklevoss :
But you invented something 
in high school, too, right?

Mark :
An app for an MP3 player that 
recognises your taste in music.

The House of Winklevoss :
Anybody try to buy it?

Mark :
Microsoft.

The House of Winklevoss :
Wow. How much?

Mark :
Didn't sell it. 
Uploaded it for free.

The House of Winklevoss :
For free?

Mark :
Yeah.

The House of Winklevoss :
Why?

The House of Winklevoss :
Okay, well, we have something that 
we've been working on for a while
and we think it's great.

It's called 'The Harvard Connection'.

You create your own page. 
Interests, bio, friends, pics.

And then people can go online, 
see your bio, request to be your...

Mark :
Yeah, how is that different from 
MySpace or Friendster?

The House of Winklevoss :
Harvard.edu...

I mean, the whole site's kind of 
based on The Idea that girls...
Not to put anything indelicately, but...

Girls wanna Go with 
Guys who Go to Harvard.

Divya and my brother don't have 
trouble putting things indelicately.

The main difference between 
what we're talking about and 
MySpace or Friendsteror any of 
those other social networking sites is...

Mark :
Is exclusivity. Right?

The House of Winklevoss :
Right. Yeah.


The House of Winklevoss :
We'd love for you to Work with Us, Mark.

I mean, We need a gifted programmer who's creative.
And we know that you've been taking it in the shins.
Women's groups are ready to declare a fatwa.

But, you know, this could help 
rehabilitate your image.

Mark :
Wow. You would do that for Me?

The Winklevii :
We'd like to Work with You.

Our first programmer graduated 
and went to work for Google.

Our second programmer just got 
oven verned with SchoolWork.

We would need You to 
build The Site and 
write The Code, and 
We'll provide all the...


Mark :
I'm in.

The Winklevii :
What?


Mark :
I'm in.


The Winklevii :
Awesome.


four years and $6Billion Dollars later --

Lawyer :
That's what you said?

Mark :
It was three or four years ago. 
I don't know what I said.

Lawyer :
When did you come to Eduardo?


Call Me

The girl I loved in high school was with the co-
captain of the varsity lacrosse team, and 
I wanted to take her from him. 

Club Scene | The Social Network


Sean Parker :
I read your blog. 

Mark :
You know, no, that was 
for web cretins. 

Sean Parker :
You know why I started Napster? 
The girl I loved in high school 
was with the co-captain of 
the varsity lacrosse teamand 
I wanted to take her from him. 
So I decided to come up 
with the next big thing.

Mark :
I didn't know that. 

Sean Parker :
Napster wasn't a failure. 
I changed the music industry 
for better and for always
It may not have been good business, 
but it pissed a lot of people off. 
And isn't that what your Facemash was about? 
They're scared of me, pal, and 
they're gonna be scared of you
What the VCs want is to say, "Good idea, kid, 
the grown-ups will take it from here." 
But not this time. 
This is our time. 

This time, you're gonna hand 
them a business card 
that says, "I'm CEO, bitch.
That's what I want for you
So where the hell is Eduardo?

Mark :
He's in New York.

Sean Parker :
Sucking up to ad execs. 

Mark :
He's got an...

Sean Parker :
An internship. The Company's here
A billion-dollar company's here.
Do you live and breathe Facebook?

Mark :
Yes. 

Sean Parker :
I know you do. Wardo wants to be a businessman 
and for all I know he's gonna be a good one, 
but he shouldn't be in New York 
kissing Madison Avenue's ass. 

This is a once-in-a-generation, "holy shit" idea. 
And The Water under The Golden Gate is freezing cold. 
Look at my face and tell me I don't 
know what I'm talking about. 

Mark :
Do you ever think about that girl? 

Sean Parker :
What girl…? 

The girl from high school 
with the lacrosse thing. No.



Mark Gets Rid of His People



A Theory

You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just 
trying so hard to be.







On a fall night in 2003, Harvard undergrad and computer programming genius Mark Zuckerberg sits down at his computer and heatedly begins working on a new idea. In a fury of blogging and programming, what begins in his dorm room soon becomes a global social network and a revolution in communication. A mere six years and 500 million friends later, Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history... but for this entrepreneur, success leads to both personal and legal complications. 

Mark :
Did you know there are more people 
with genius I.Q.s living in China 
than there are people of any kind 
living in the United States?

The Girl :
That can't possibly be true.

Mark :
It is. 
The Girl :
What would account for that? 

Mark :
Well, first, an awful lot of people live 
in China, but here's my question :
How do you distinguish yourself in a population 
of people who all got 1600 on their SATs?

The Girl :
I didn't know they 
take SATs in China. 

Mark :
They don't. I wasn't talking 
about China any more, I was 
Talking about Me.

The Girl :
Yes. 

Mark :
I could sing in an acappella 
group, but I can't sing. 

The Girl :
Does that mean you actually 
got nothing wrong? 

Mark :
I could row crew or invent a $25 PC. 

The Girl :
Or you could get 
into a final club. 

Mark :
Or I get into 
a finals club. 

The Girl :
You know, from 
A Woman's Perspective
sometimes not singing in an 
a Cappella group is 
a good thing. 

Mark :
This is serious. 

The Girl :
On the other hand, I do 
like guys who row crew. 

Mark :
Well, I can't do that. 

The Girl :
I was kidding. 

Mark :
And, yes, I got nothing 
wrong on The Test.

The Girl :
Have you ever tried?

Mark :
I'm trying right now
To row crew?

The Girl :
To get into a final club. 

Mark :
To row crew? No. Are you, 
like, whatever, delusional? 

The Girl :
Maybe it's just -- sometimes you say two things at once. 
I'm not sure which one I'm supposed to be aiming at. 

Mark :
But you've seen guys 
who row crew, right? 

The Girl :
No. 

Mark :
Okay, well, they're bigger than me. 
They're world-class athletes. 

And a second ago, you said you like 
guys who row crew so I assumed 
you had met one. 

The Girl :
I guess I just meant I like the idea of it. 
You know, the way a girl likes cowboys

Mark :
Okay - Should we get something to eat? 
Would you like to talk about something else? 

The Girl :
No. It's just since the beginning of the 
Conversation about finals club, I think 
I may have missed a birthday. There are really 
more people in China with genius IQs 
than the entire population... 

Mark :
The Phoenix is the most diverse. 
The Fly Club... Roosevelt 
punched the Porc. 

The Girl :
Which one? 

Mark :
The Porcellian, the Porc. 
It's the best of the best.

The Girl :
Which Roosevelt?

Mark :
Theodore. 

The Girl :
Is it true that they send a bus around 
to pick up girls who want to party 
with the next Fed chairman? 

Mark :
So you can see why it's 
so important to get in

The Girl :
Okay, well, which is the 
easiest to get into?

Mark :
Why would you ask me that?

The Girl :
I was just asking. 

Mark :
None of them. That's the point
My friend Eduardo made $300,000 
betting oil futures one summer and 
Eduardo won't come close to getting in. 
The ability to make money doesn't 
impress anybody around here. 

The Girl :
Must be nice. He made 
$300,000 in a summer?

Mark :
He likes meteorology.

The Girl :
You said it was oil futures. 

Mark :
You can read the weather, you can predict 
the price of heating oil. 

The Girl :
I think you asked me that because you think the final club that's easiest to get into is the one where I'll have the best chance. I... 

The Girl :
What? 

Mark :
You asked me which one was 
the easiest to get into 
because you think that 
that's the one where 
I'll have the best chance

The Girl :
The one that's the easiest to get into would be 
the one where anybody has the best chance. 


Mark :
You didn't ask me which one was the best one
you asked me which one was the easiest one. 

The Girl :
I was honestly just asking, okay? 
I was just asking to ask.
Mark, I'm not speaking in code.

Mark :
Enca. 

The Girl :
You're obsessed with finals clubs. 
You have finals clubs OCD and you 
need to see someone about it 
who will prescribe you some sort of medication. 
You don't care if the side effects 
may include blindness

Mark :
Final clubs. Not "finals clubs." And there's a difference 
between being obsessed and being motivated

The Girl :
Yes. There is

Well, you do. That was cryptic, so 
you do speak in code. 

The Girl :
I didn't mean to be cryptic. 

Mark :
I'm just saying I need to do something substantial 
in order to get the attention of The Clubs

The Girl :
Why?

Mark :
Because they're exclusive. And fun, 
and they lead to a better life. 

The Girl :
Teddy Roosevelt didn't 
get elected president 
because he was a member 
of The Phoenix Club. 

Mark :
He was a member 
of The Porcellian
and yes, he did

The Girl :
Well, why don't you just concentrate on 
being the best you you can be? 

Mark :
Did you really just say that? 

The Girl :
I was kidding. Just because 
something's trite 
doesn't make it less true. 

Mark :
I wanna try to be straightforward with you 
and tell you I think you might want to 
be a little more supportive. 
If I get in, I will be taking you to the events 
and the gatherings, and you'll be meeting 
a lot of people you wouldn't 
normally get to meet. 

The Girl :
(horrified) You would 
do that for me? 

Mark :
We're dating. 

The Girl :
Okay - Well, I wanna 
try and be straightforward 
with you and let you know 
that we're not any more.

Mark :
What do you mean?

The Girl :
We're not dating any more. 


I'm sorry. Is this a joke?

The Girl :
No, it's not. 

Mark :
You're breaking up with me? 

The Girl :
You're gonna introduce me to people 
I wouldn't normally have the chance to meet
What the... What is that supposed to mean?

Mark :
Wait, settle down.

The Girl :
What is it supposed to mean? 

Mark :
Erica, the reason we're able to sit here and drink right now 
is 'cause you used to sleep with the door guy. 

The Girl :
"The door guy"? His name is Bobby
I have not slept with the door guy. 

The door guy is a friend of mine, 
and he's a perfectly good class of people. 
And what part of Long Island 
are you from, Wimbledon?

Mark :
Wait. Wait, wait. 

The Girl :
I'm going back to my dorm.

Is this real? 

The Girl :
Yes.

 Then wait, I apologise, okay?

I have to go study.

Mark :
Enca?


Yes?

Mark :
I'm sorry, I mean it. 

The Girl :
I appreciate that, but I have to go study. 

Mark :
Come on, you don't have to study. 
Let's just talk. 

I can't. 

Mark :
Why? 

The Girl :
Because it is exhausting
Dating you is like 
dating a StairMaster. 

Mark :
All I meant is that you're not likely to... Currently... 
I wasn't making a comment on your appearance. 
I was saying that you go to BU. 
I was stating a fact, that's all, and 
if it seemed rude, then I apologise.

The Girl :
I have to go study.

Mark :
You don't have to study. 

The Girl :
Why do you keep saying 
I don't have to study? 

'Cause you go to BU. Do you 
want to get some food? 

The Girl :
I am sorry you are not sufficiently 
impressed with my education. 

Mark :
And I'm sorry I don't have 
a rowboat, so we're even.

The Girl :
I think we should just be friends.

Mark :
I don't want friends. 

The Girl :
I was just being polite. I have no intention 
of being friends with you. 

Mark :
I'm under some pressure right now from 
my OS class and if we could just order 
some food, I think we should... 

The Girl :
Okay, you are probably going to be 
a very successful computer person. 
But you're gonna go through Life thinking that 
girls don't like you because you're a nerd
And I want you to know from the bottom 
of my heart that that won't be true.
 It'll be because You're An Asshole