The Duke Leto

LISTER: 

Holly, why Rimmer's hologram?  

Why did you have to bring Rimmer's

  hologram back?  

He was the most unpopular man on board this ship.  

I mean, he even had to organise his own surprise birthday parties.

HOLLY: (Voice only) 

And who should I have brought back, then?

LISTER: 

Anyone.  Chen.  Petersen.  

I mean, Hermann Gerring would have been more of a laugh than Rimmer.  

I mean, OK, he was a drug-crazed

  transvestite, but at least we could have gone dancing!

HOLLY: 

(On monitor screen) 

I brought Rimmer back because he's the best person to keep you sane.

LISTER: 

Oh, crap!

A panel on the wall swings around to reveal a toilet.  A sign over the

toilet reads,

"NOW IRRADIATE YOUR HANDS."

LISTER: 

Not you!

TOILET: 

I do apologise, 

I wasn't paying attention.  

See you later.

LISTER: 

What about Kristine Kochanski? 

 You could have brought Kristine

  back.

HOLLY: 

In your entire life, 

your shared conversations with her totalled  173 words.

LISTER: 

So?

HOLLY: 

In terms of wordage, you actually had a better relationship with

  your rubber plant.

LISTER: 

I know, but Rimmer?!

HOLLY: 

He's the person you knew best.  

Over 14 million words in all.

LISTER: 

Holly, 7 million of those were 

me telling him to smeg off, 

and the other 7 million were 

him putting me on report for telling him to  smeg off.

HOLLY: 

Jean Paul Sartre said hell was being locked forever in a room with  your friends.

LISTER: 

Holly, all his mates were French.

He leaves the room