MULDER:
Betty Templeton.
My name is Fox Mulder.
I'm with the FBI.
Can you come with me?
BETTY TEMPLETON:
I'm watching The Fight.
MULDER: (firmly)
Don't make me have to remove you, ma'am.
BETTY TEMPLETON sighs,
then sees someone behind MULDER.
MULDER turns around as
LULU PFEIFFER enters the arena.
She is wearing the same thing as BETTY TEMPLETON,
except she has a blue shirt instead of pink.
LULU PFEIFFER:
I can't believe this.
What are you doing here?
BETTY TEMPLETON:
What are you doing here?
I'm Bert's good luck.
LULU PFEIFFER:
He's mine.
BETTY TEMPLETON:
Over my dead body.
The two women begin advancing on each other.
MULDER looks at them for a moment,
then puts BETTY TEMPLETON over his shoulder
and begins carrying her out of the arena.
She protests.
BETTY TEMPLETON:
Stop it! Stop it!
You're going down, lady!
I'm going to kick your butt from here to Tuesday!
Stick a fork in you, you're done!
As they pass the ring, she grabs the corner post
and calls up to BERT ZUPANIC who is still fighting.
BETTY TEMPLETON:
Hi, baby.
BERT ZUPANIC:
(surprised) Betty.
MULDER is trying to pull her off the corner post.
BETTY TEMPLETON:
Bert, keep it up! I love you, baby!
LULU PFEIFFER also has run up to the corner post,
holding up another Koko's shopping bag.
LULU PFEIFFER:
Bert. I got the money.
BERT ZUPANIC:
Lulu?
LULU PFEIFFER:
Kick his butt, Bert.
SAPERSTEIN takes the bag of money from LULU PFEIFFER. The CROWD begins punching each other.
BERT ZUPANIC:
Lulu.
MULDER pulls BETTY TEMPLETON free of the post and carries her further away.
She stretches her arms back to him.
BETTY TEMPLETON: Bert!
The fighting in the ring escalates, as does the fighting in the crowd. MULDER pauses and sets BETTY TEMPLETON down as he sees SCULLY enter with the BERT ZUPANIC-look-a-like, handcuffed, escorted by the PRISON GUARD. BETTY TEMPLETON stares at the look-a-like. LULU PFEIFFER comes up behind her, also staring.)
BETTY TEMPLETON:
Oh, my.
LULU PFEIFFER:
Oh, my God.
All around them, the fighting stops, including the one in the ring. SCULLY smiles smugly at MULDER.
BERT ZUPANIC:
(confused) What?
BERT ZUPANIC and his look-a-like see each other.
Hate at first sight.
BERT ZUPANIC:
(growling)
Why...
BERT ZUPANIC leaves the ring to go attack the look-a-like who pushes aside the GUARD to get at BERT ZUPANIC. MULDER and SCULLY look at each other and realize that, truly, the static is about to hit the fan. The fighting breaks out between everyone. BERT ZUPANIC pushes MULDER aside to get to the look-a-like. Mayhem ensues.
[Fade to black]
SCENE 16
(MULDER's office. SCULLY is running the slide projector. We don't see either of them yet.)
SCULLY: 50 million anonymous donations have been made to sperm banks across the U.S. Most have produced healthy offspring for single mothers or fertility-challenged couples while some of them have not.
(Two mug shot slides, one of BERT ZUPANIC and one of the look-a-like, both holding up prison numbers, both with bruised faces.)
SCULLY: Bert Zupanic and his non-fraternal biological sibling both small-time bank robbers, part-time pro wrestlers, both with too many idiosyncratic behaviorisms to list stood a 27-million-to-one chance of ever meeting but they did.
(Two slides of the two men fighting each other in the auditorium.)
SAPERSTEIN: (voice) Damn, those are some odds.
(Two mug shot slides of very bruised BETTY TEMPLETON and LULU PFEIFFER and three slides of them fighting, hairpulling, etc. Who took these pictures?)
SCULLY: Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer products of different mothers but the same father-
(Slide of ANGRY BOB.)
SCULLY:
... an angry drifter now doing time for counterfeiting--
chanced to meet 12 years ago,
but couldn't seem to avoid each other's compulsively identical mannerisms,
mannerisms attributable to
their perpetually angry father.
SAPERSTEIN:
Mm. What does it all mean?
SCULLY:
I've been thinking hard about that, Mr. Saperstein.
I would like to say it has something to do with balance in the universe,
the attraction of opposites
and the repulsion of equivalents,
or that over time,
nature produces only so many originals
that when two original copies meet
that the result is
often unpredictable.
We see MULDER, from the neck down walking toward a chair near SCULLY.
His hand is in a brace.
Her face is badly battered and bruised.
SCULLY:
And if four should meet, the result is...
Well, suffice to say it's better just to avoid these encounters altogether
and at all costs.
I think Agent Mulder would agree with me.
She looks over at her partner.
MULDER's face is worse than hers, and his jaw is wired shut.
He makes the only sound he can.
MULDER:
Mm-hmm.
Mmmm.
SCULLY smiles at him briefly. They are in pain.
[THE END]
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