Affected Pretend Frenchmen

You see? It's like wiping your arse with silk. 

I love it.

 

– The Frenchman.

I’m so sick of His Bullshit.

 

— The Frenchman’s Wife

“Of all the National Cultures of The Modern Age, The French is the most prestigious - in culture, the AngloAmericans provide trash for the mass market, but The French provide luxury goods for The Elite.

In Asia, Africa, Latin-America, intellectual elites who are tired of McDonalds turn, above all to France.

French Culture is a Venetian Monstrosity.

British Prime Minister Robert Warpole gloated that The French are ten times more idiotic than The British because, they are so easily DUPED.

The French, of course, pride themselves on their knowledge, on their urbanity — on their glittering, cynical intelligence.

They think that they are the True Sophisticates and Connoisseurs of INTRUIGE

The Worst Thing That Can Happen to Them is to Be FOOLED....”

-TARPLEY

No chance, English bed-wetting types!

Ah farte en your generale direction…. !! – Your Mother was an ‘amster, and Your Father smelt of elderberries..!!

ICLC Labor Day Conference September 1, 1996
Panel--From Napoleon to Nashville:

The first hour of the panel was a discussion of the birth of the Nation-State in France under Louis the 11th and the subsequent efforts by the Venetian Empire in bringing about its downfall.

The creation of the Jacobin Terror, and rise of Napoleon Bonaparte as a Corsican terrorist foisted on France as a tin-horn dictator used to embroil Europe in permanent warfare.

Napoleon himself pays the conference a visit in order to explain his viewpoint of why he is the Master of the Universe.

The second hour of the panel was a discussion of Napoleon Bonaparte as the first modern Fascist with the showing of an extremely rare silent film. 

Following his defeat at Waterloo, the Bonaparte family escaped to the United States and became a part of the aristocratic disease contributing to the Southern slaveocracy. 

Napoleon himself makes a return to deal with the awful things being said about him with the help of a General from the Confederacy

Morpheus: 

Here we go.

Maitre d’: 

Puis-je vous aider?

Morpheus: 

Yes, we are here to speak with The Merovingian.

Maitre d’: 

Of course, he has been expecting you. 

Follow me.

Merovingian: 

Aha, here he is at last. 

Neo, The One himself, right? 

And The Legendary Morpheus. 

And Trinity of course, si belle qu’elle me fait souffrir. 

I have heard so much, you honour me. 

Please, sit, join us. 

This is my wife, Persephone. 

Something to eat? Drink? 

Hmm… of course, such things are contrivances like so much here. 

For the sake of appearances.

Neo: 

No, thank you.

Merovingian: 

Yes, of course, who has time? 

Who has time? 

But then if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time? 

Château Haut-Brion 1959, magnificent wine, 

I love French wine, like I love the French language. 

I have sampled every language, French is my favourite – 

fantastic language, especially to curse with. 

Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperies de connards d’enculés de ta mère. 

You see, it’s like wiping your arse with silk, I love it.

Morpheus: 

You know why we are here.

Merovingian: 

Hmph… I am a trafficker of information, 
I know everything I can. 

The Question is, do you know why you are here?

Morpheus: 

We are looking for the Keymaker.

Merovingian: 

Oh yes, it is true. 

The Keymaker, of course. 

But this is not a reason, this is not a `why.’ 

The Keymaker himself, his very nature, is means, it is not an end, and so, to look for him is to be looking for a means to do… what?

Neo: 

You know the answer to that question.

Merovingian: 

But do you? 

You think you do but you do not. 

You are here because you were sent here, you were told to come here and you obeyed. 

[Laughs] 

It is, of course, the way of all things. 

You see, there is only one constant, one universal, it is the only real truth: causality. 

Action. Reaction. 

Cause and Effect.

Morpheus: 

Everything begins with choice.

Merovingian: 

No. Wrong.

Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without. 

Look there, at that woman. 

My God, just look at her. 

Affecting everyone around her, so obvious, so bourgeois, so boring. 

But wait… Watch – you see, I have sent her dessert, a very special dessert. I wrote it myself. It starts so simply, each line of the program creating a new effect, just like poetry. 

First, a rush… heat… her heart flutters. 

You can see it, Neo, yes? 

She does not understand why – is it the wine? No. 

What is it then, what is the reason? 

And soon it does not matter, soon the why and the reason are gone, and all that matters is the feeling itself. 

This is the nature of the universe. 

We struggle against it, we fight to deny it, but it is of course pretense, it is a lie. 

Beneath our poised appearance, the truth is we are completely out of control. 

Causality. 

There is no escape from it, we are forever slaves to it. 

Our only hope, our only peace is to understand it, to understand the `why.’ 

`Why’ is what separates us from them, you from me. 

`Why’ is the only real social power, without it you are powerless. 

And this is how you come to me, without `why,’ without power. 

Another link in the chain. 

But fear not, since I have seen how good you are at following orders, 

I will tell you what to do next. 

Run back, and give the fortune teller this message: 

Her time is almost up. 

Now I have some real business to do, I will say adieu and goodbye.

Neo: 

This isn’t over.

Merovingian: 

Oh yes, it is. The Keymaker is mine 

and I see no reason why I should give him up. 

No reason at all.

Persephone: 

Where are you going?

Merovingian: 

Please, ma chérie, I’ve told you, we are all victims of causality. 

I drink too much wine, I must take a piss. 

Cause and effect. Au revoir.

Trinity: 

Touch me, and that hand will never touch anything again.

Neo: 

Well, that didn’t go so well.

Morpheus: 

Are you certain the Oracle didn’t say anything else?

Neo: 

Yes.

Trinity: 

Maybe we did something wrong.

Neo: 

Or didn’t do something.

Morpheus: 

No, what happened happened and couldn’t have happened any other way.

Neo: 

How do you know?

Morpheus: 

We are still alive.

Persephone: 

If you want the Keymaker, follow me. 

[to man in washroom] 

Get out! 

I’m so sick of his bullshit. 

On and on, pompous prick. 

A long time ago, when we first came here, it was so different. 

He was so different. He was like you. 

I’ll give you what you want. 
But you have to give me something.

Neo: 

What?

Persephone: 

A kiss.

Trinity: 

Excuse me?

Persephone: 

I want you to kiss me as if you were kissing her.

Neo: 

Why?

Persephone: 

You love her. She loves you. It’s all over you both. 

A long time ago, I knew what that felt like. 

I want to remember it. I want to sample it.

 That’s all, just a sample.

Trinity: 

Why don’t you sample this instead?

Morpheus: 

Trinity.

Persephone: 

Such emotion over something so small. 

It’s just a kiss.

Neo: 

Why should we trust you?

Persephone: 

If I don’t deliver you to the Keymaker, she can kill me.

Neo: 

All right.

Persephone: 

But you have to make me believe I am her.

Neo: 

All right.

Persephone: 

Terrible. Forget it.

Neo: 

Wait. Okay.

Persephone: 

Ahh, yes. That’s it. I envy you. 

But such a thing is not meant to last. 

Come with me.

Link: 

Not again!

Persephone: 

It’s all right, boys, they’re with me. 

These fellas work for my husband, they do his dirty work. 

They’re very good, very loyal. Aren’t you, boys?

Cain and Abel: 

Yes, Mistress.

Persephone: 

They come from a much older version of the Matrix, but like so many back then, they caused more problems than they solved. 

My husband saved them because they’re notoriously difficult to terminate. 

How many people keep silver bullets in their gun? 

You can either run to the restaurant and tell my husband what I have done, 

or you can stay there and die. 

He’s in the ladies’ room… 

[to Neb crew] 

Hurry.

Neo: 

My name is Neo.

Keymaker: 

Yes, I’m the Keymaker, I’ve been waiting for you.

Merovingian: 

Oh God, my God, Persephone how could you do this, 

you betrayed me [speaking French]!

Persephone: 

Cause and effect, my love.

Merovingian: 

Cause? There is no cause for this, what cause?

Persephone: 

What cause? 

How about the lipstick you’re still wearing?

Merovingian: 

Lipstick? Lipstick? 

What craziness you are talking about woman, there is no lipstick.

Persephone: 

She wasn’t kissing your face, my love.

Merovingian: 

Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai, woman, this is nothing, 

c’est rien, c’est rien du tout. 

It’s a game, it is only a game.

Persephone: 

So is this. Have fun.

Merovingian: 

All right. All right. Let us find out where this goes. 

You two, get the Keymaker.

Trinity: 

That’s a nice trick.

Keymaker: 

I cannot go back.

Neo: 

I’ll handle them.

Merovingian: 

Handle us? You’ll handle us? 

You know, your predecessors had much more respect.

Merovingian: 

Okay, you have some skill. Kill him.

Merovingian: 

You see, he’s just a Man.

Merovingian: 

Damn it, woman, you will be the end of me. 

Mark my words, boy, and mark them well. 

I have survived your predecessors, and I will survive you!

(Mobil Ave. train station)

Sati: 

Are you from the Matrix?

Neo: 

Yes. No. I mean, I was.

Sati: 

Why did you leave?

Neo: 

I had to.

Sati: 

I had to leave my home too.

Rama-Kandra: 

Sati! Come here, darling. 

Leave the poor man in peace.

Sati: 

Yes, papa.

Rama-Kandra: 

I’m sorry, she is still very curious.

Neo: 

I know you.

Rama-Kandra: 

Yes, in the restaurant at the Frenchman’s. 

I am Rama-Kandra. 

This is my wife Kamala, my daughter Sati. 

We are most honoured to meet you.

Neo: 

You’re programs.

Rama-Kandra: 

Oh, yes. I’m the power plant systems manager for recycling operations. 

My wife is an interactive software programmer, she is highly creative.

Kamala: 

What are you doing here? 

You do not belong here.

Rama-Kandra: 

Kamala! Goodness, I apologize. 

My wife can be very direct.

Neo: 

It’s okay. I don’t have an answer. 

I don’t even know where ‘here’ is.

Rama-Kandra: 

This place is nowhere. 

It is between your world and our world.

Neo: 

Who’s the Trainman?

Rama-Kandra: 

He works for the Frenchman.

Neo: 

Why’d I know you were going to say that?

Rama-Kandra: 

The Frenchman does not forget and he does not forgive.

Neo: 

You know him?

Rama-Kandra: 

I know only what I need to know. 

I know that if you want to take something from our world into your world that does not belong there, you must go to the Frenchman.

Neo: 

Is that what you’re doing here?

Kamala: 

Rama, please!

Rama-Kandra: 

I do not want to be cruel, Kamala. 

He may never see another face for the rest of his life.

Neo: 

I’m sorry. 

You don’t have to answer that question.

Rama-Kandra: 

No. I don’t mind. The answer is simple. 

I love my daughter very much. 

I find her to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 

But where we are from, that is not enough. 

Every program that is created must have a purpose; if it does not, it is deleted. 

I went to the Frenchman to save my daughter. 

You do not understand.

Neo: 

I just have never…

Rama-Kandra: 

…heard a program speak of love?

Neo: 

It’s a… human emotion.

Rama-Kandra: 

No, it is a word. 

What matters is the connection the word implies. 

I see that you are in love. 

Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?

Neo: 

Anything.

Rama-Kandra: 

Then perhaps the reason you’re here is not so different from the reason I’m here.

(Matrix: inside a subway train)

Seraph: 

That’s him.

Trainman: 

Get away! Get away from me!

Seraph: 

We don’t want trouble.

Trainman: 

Get away from me!

Seraph: 

We need your help.

Trainman: 

I can’t help you. No one can help you!

(Matrix: a subway stop [Stellma?])

{the Trainman prepares to jump across the tracks in the path of the LOOP train}

Seraph: 

Oh, no.

{the train passes, the Trainman is gone}

Seraph: 

Damn it.

(Mobil Ave. train station)

Neo: 

When is the train due?

Rama-Kandra: 

It’s already late. 

It’s not like the Trainman to be late.

Neo: 

You think it has something to do with me?

Rama-Kandra: 

I cannot say. Who knows such things? 

Only the Oracle.

Neo: You know the Oracle?

Rama-Kandra: 

Everyone knows the Oracle. 

I consulted with her before I met with the Frenchman. 

She promised she would look after Sati after we said goodbye.

Neo: 

Goodbye? You’re not staying with her?

Rama-Kandra: 

It is not possible. 

Our arrangement with the Frenchman was for our daughter only. 

My wife and I must return to our world.

Neo: 

Why?

Rama-Kandra: 

That is our karma.

Neo: 

You believe in karma?

Rama-Kandra: 

Karma’s a word. Like ‘love.’ 

A way of saying ‘what I am here to do.’ 

I do not resent my karma – I’m grateful for it. 

Grateful for my wonderful wife, for my beautiful daughter. 

They are gifts. And so I do what I must do to honour them.

Sati: 

Papa, the train!

Rama-Kandra: 

Yes! Get your bags, quickly!

Neo: 

Can I carry that for you?

Rama-Kandra: 

All right.

Trainman: 

Hurry it up, I’m late!

{Kamala and Sati pass, Trainman stops Neo}

Trainman: 

Who are you?

Rama-Kandra: 

He’s a friend.

Kamala: 

Rama!

Trainman: 

I know you. 

So that’s what they wanted.

Neo: 

I need to get back. 

I’ll pay you anything you want.

Trainman: 

Oh?

Neo: 

One way or another I’m getting on this train

Trainman: 

Oh, no, no, no. You’re gonna stay right here until the Merovingian says different. 

If I know him, you’re gonna be here for a long, long time.

Neo: 

I don’t want to hurt you.

Trainman: 

You don’t get it. I built this place. 

Down here I make the rules. Down here I make the threats. 

Down here, I’m God. 

*to Rama-Kandra* 

Get on the train, or you’ll stay here with him.

(Matrix: inside a car)

Seraph: 

We should return to the Oracle. 

She’ll know what to do.

Trinity: 

No. We know what has to be done.

(Mobil Ave. train station)

Neo: 

Shit.

(Hel Club garage)

Q-Ball Gang Member #1: 

You’ve got to be kidding…

Q-Ball Gang Member #2: 

Holy shit, it’s Wingless.

Q-Ball Gang Member #1: 

I get it. 

You must be ready to die.

Seraph: 

I need to speak with him.

Q-Ball Gang Member #1: 

The only way you’re getting through this door is over my big dead ass.

Seraph: 

So be it.

(Hel Club elevator)

Seraph: 

There are no weapons allowed in the club. 

At the bottom of this elevator, there is a coat check girl. 

And if we’re lucky, one man for checking guns.

Trinity: 

And if we’re unlucky?

Seraph: 

There will be many men.

(Hel Club entrance)

Coat Check Girl: 

Can I take your… oh my God.

{Hel Club shootout}

(Hel Club – VIP lounge)

Merovingian: 

What in the hell? 

*laughs* 

I don’t believe this.

Merovingian: 

*to the DJ* 

Hey. Hey! 

*to Seraph* 

The prodigal child returns. 

L’ange sans ailes (Trans: The angel without wings). 

Are you here for the bounty, Seraph? 

*laughs heartily* 

Tell me, how many bullets are there in those guns? 

I don’t know, but I don’t think you have enough.

Seraph: 

We only want to talk.

Merovingian: 

Oh yes, I’m sure you do, you have fought through hell to do so, yes? 

I’ll tell you what I’ll do. 

Put down the guns and I will promise you safe passage out of here.

Seraph: 

All three of us.

Merovingian: 

Oh yes, yes. Of course.

{Trinity, Seraph, and Morpheus put down the guns and are escorted up the stairs}

Merovingian: 

*laughs* 

Quelle bonne surprise, n’est pas? 

(Trans: What a fine surprise, isn’t it?) 

Who could’ve guessed we’d all be seeing each other so soon after our last meeting? 

A fate too kind. And since you, my little Judas, have […] here, I can only surmise that the fortune teller has found herself another shell? 

Disappointing, but not unexpected. I do hope, however, she has the good manners to learn her lesson, and to remember that there is no action without consequence. 

And if you take something from me you will pay the price.

Seraph: 

You know why we are here.

Merovingian: 

*laughs* 

Come, now. What kind of question is this? 

Of course I know. It’s my business to know. 

The Frenchman’s Wife glares at her pompous, pretentious prick of a husband.

Some might think this a strange coincidence, but I do not. 

I am curious, though, as to how it actually happened. 

Do you know?

Trinity: 

No.

Merovingian: 

No? I didn’t think so. 

But it is always best to ask.

Morpheus: 

We want to make a deal.

Merovingian: 

*laughs* 

Always straight to business, huh, Morpheus? 

Okay. I have something you want. 

To make a deal, you must have something I want, yes? 

And it so happens there is something I want. 

Something I’ve wanted ever since I first came here. 

It is said they cannot be taken, they can only be given.

Morpheus: 

What?

Merovingian: 

The Eyes of the Oracle. 

*laughs*

Merovingian: 

I have told you before, there’s no escaping the nature of the universe. 

It is that nature that has again brought you to me. 

Where some see coincidence, I see consequence. 

Where others see chance, I see cost. 

Bring me the eyes of the Oracle, and I will give you back your saviour. 

That seems a particularly fair and reasonable deal to me. Yes, no?

Trinity: 

I don’t have time for this shit.

{Hel Club upstairs fight}

Trinity: 

You want to make a deal, how about this? 

You give me Neo, or we all die right here, right now.

Merovingian: 

Interesting deal. 

You are really ready to die for this man?

Trinity: 

*cocks gun* 

Believe it.

Perseph: 

She’ll do it. If she has to, she’ll kill every one of us. 

She’s in love.

Merovingian: 

It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.

Trinity: 

Time’s up. What’s it gonna be, Merv?

(Mobil Ave train station)

Neo: 

Ok. You got yourself into this. 

You can get yourself out.

(Matrix: inside a car)

Morpheus: 

Are you ready for us?

Link: 

Almost, sir. They got some pretty ancient hacks here, we’re working on it. 

Did you find Neo?

Morpheus:

 Can’t you see him?

Link: 

No, sir. We were reading something but I couldn’t tell what it was.

Neo: 

I can’t leave yet.

{Trinity looks over at him}

Neo: 

I have to see her.

Trinity: 

Now?

Neo: 

This is my last chance.

(Oracle’s kitchen)

Oracle: 

That’s it. That’s the secret. 

You’ve got to use your hands.

Sati: 

Why?

Oracle: 

Cookies need love like everything does.

Sati: 

Neo!

Oracle: 

I was hoping to have these done before you got here. 

Oh well. Sati, honey, I think it’s time for a tasting. 

Take the bowl to Seraph and find out if they’re ready.

Sati: 

Okay. 

*to Neo* 

I’m glad you got out.

Neo: Me too.

Oracle: 

So, do you recognize me?

Neo: 

A part of you.

Oracle: 

Yeah, that’s how it works. 

Some bits you lose, some bits you keep. 

I don’t yet recognize my face in the mirror, but… I still love candy. 

*offers Neo a piece of red candy*

Neo: 

No, thank you.

Oracle: 

Remember what you were like when you first walked through my door, jittery as a junebug? And now just look at you. 

You sure did surprise me, Neo, and you still do.

Neo: 

You gave me a few surprises, too.

Oracle: 

I hope I helped.

Neo:

 You helped me to get here, but my question is why? 

Where does this go? 

Where does it end?

Oracle: 

I don’t know.

Neo: 

You don’t know or you won’t tell me?

Oracle: 

I told you before. 

No one can see beyond a choice they don’t understand, and I mean no one.

Neo: 

What choice?

Oracle: 

It doesn’t matter. It’s my choice. 

I have mine to make, same as you have yours.

Neo: 

Does that include what things to tell me and what not to tell me?

Oracle: 

Of course not.

Neo: 

Then why didn’t you tell me about the Architect? 

Why didn’t you tell me about Zion, the Ones before me – 

why didn’t you tell me the truth?

Oracle: 

Because it wasn’t time for you to know.

Neo: 

Who decided it wasn’t time?

Oracle: 

You know who. 

*She points at the Temet Nosce sign above the door*

Neo: 

I did. 

*Oracle nods* 

Then I think it’s time for me to know a few more things.

Oracle: 

So do I.

Neo: 

Tell me how I separated my mind from my body without jacking in. 

Tell me how I stopped four sentinels by thinking it. 

Tell me just what the hell is happening to me.

Oracle: 

The power of the One extends beyond this world. 

It reaches from here all the way back to where it came from.

Neo: 

Where?

Oracle: 

The Source. 

That’s what you felt when you touched those Sentinels. 

But you weren’t ready for it. 

You should be dead, but apparently you weren’t ready for that, either.

Neo: 

The Architect told me that if I didn’t return to the Source, Zion would be destroyed by midnight tonight.

Oracle: 

*rolls eyes* 

Please… You and I may not be able to see beyond our own choices, but that man can’t see past any choices.

Neo: Why not?

Oracle: 

He doesn’t understand them – he can’t. 

To him they are variables in an equation. 

One at a time each variable must be solved and countered. 

That’s his purpose: to balance an equation.

Neo: 

What’s your purpose?

Oracle: 

To unbalance it.

Neo: 

Why? What do you want?

Oracle: 

I want the same thing you want, Neo. 

And I am willing to go as far as you are to get it.

Neo: 

The end of the war. 

*Oracle nods* 

Is it going to end?

Oracle: One way, or another.

Neo: 

Can Zion be saved?

Oracle: 

I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer to that question, but if there’s an answer, there’s only one place you’re going to find it.

Neo: 

Where?

Oracle: 

You know where. 

And if you can’t find the answer, 

then I’m afraid there may be no tomorow for any of us.

Neo: 

What does that mean?

Oracle: 

Everything that has a beginning has an end. 
I see the end coming. 
I see the darkness spreading. I see death. 
And you are all that stands in his way.

Neo: 
Smith.

Oracle: 
*nods* 
Very soon he’s going to have the power to destroy This World, but I believe he won’t stop there; he can’t. 
He won’t stop until there’s nothing left at all.

Neo: 
What is he?

Oracle: 
He is you.
 Your opposite, your negative, the result of the equation trying to balance itself out.

Neo: 
What if I can’t stop him?

Oracle: 
One way or another, Neo, this war is going to end. 
Tonight, the future of both worlds will be in your hands… or in his.